


Just a Beautiful Disaster

by TotoroPirate



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Dubious Consent, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, References to Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-26
Updated: 2013-01-01
Packaged: 2017-11-15 03:01:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 85,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/522425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TotoroPirate/pseuds/TotoroPirate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU-ish story. Trent reflects on how his life changed ever since he met Sebastian, and as they built what too soon became a strained friendship full of unrequited feelings, confusion and heartbreak. Story starts on 3x11 Michael but doesn't follow canon in all respects. This is a story of Trent and Sebastian, ups and downs in their friendship and how it became something more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Interrupted sleep. It was his second restless night but somehow it felt like it had been weeks. And even though silence and darkness were the only things surrounding him in his room, he still didn't and couldn't feel alone. It's like he was always there in the back of his mind. His sudden absence in his life somehow only made him even more present. His face appearing as soon as he closed his eyes, piercing green eyes looking deep and right through him. His voice echoing in his ears, muting out his own pleas for it to stop.

The night outside his window was quiet, there weren't even cricket noises like he would notice every other night. It could almost be peaceful, if it wasn't for the fact that there was a storm happening inside him. He opened his eyes and sighed heavily, defeated. He couldn't sleep. Not even in the quiet darkness of the night and the emptiness of his own room could his mind stop reeling, or his heart stop hurting. Biting back the sting of tears, he shuffled in below his bed sheets. He kept telling himself that what's done is done, and there was nothing he could do about it now. Yet his mind kept replaying what happened two days before over and over again, like a vicious cycle of self torture.

He stood against Sebastian, even if he hadn't done it with his words or even with that intention, but it was what it all came down to in the end. After Warbler practice on Wednesday, Sebastian had told them that they needed to go to McKinley High to face the New Directions again and finish their whole face off rivalry over performing Michael Jackson thing, but it had all blown over in just a matter of seconds. One minute they were all sitting down, wearing their best poker faces as the New Directions sang on stage and the other they were dancing along with them, their backs turned quite literally against Sebastian as they got lost in the moves and rhythm of the whole thing. He remembered the exact second it had happened, and he had been the one who provoked it.

The New Directions were on stage, and their performance was great, it was joyful and amazing, and for a moment he just wished he could be a part of it. He was just tired of all the fighting, the dirty looks and defiant attitudes. That is not what being a Warbler was about for him, but somehow that is what it had turned into ever since Sebastian had taken over as captain of the Warblers. Sebastian-freaking-Smythe, who came in as a windstorm and managed to change everything about the Warblers and challenged them to be the best they had ever been.

Sebastian, who had charmed his way into the highest ranks of every single social group in Dalton Academy only days after he had just transferred out of the blue and right into his senior year. With his charming smile, handsome face, beautiful green eyes and personality that was like a magnet, attracting everyone towards him. He was overconfident and even cocky, but Sebastian also had another side to him, one he didn't really show to many people. One that Trent had been lucky (he knew that now) to witness for the past 5 months. He was easygoing, funny and even kind when they were alone, whether it was while they were working on their lab projects together (they had being paired up by the teacher since the first day of school), doing other homework, helping each other practice their songs or just walking back to the parking lot after Sebastian had finished Lacrosse practice and Trent was done with his tutoring on Tuesdays and Thrusdays. It was a comfortable and easy companionship he had been able to enjoy until two days ago when Sebastian started completely ignoring his existence.

He never intended to cause divisiveness and trouble within the Warblers, he just wanted things to go back to normal, back to easy. He had convinced himself that joining the dancing group on stage was what they needed. That maybe then they could all just see that they were not that different, that they could get along, even be friends. He didn't want to have enemies, especially not over some stupid music competition. So he kept telling himself that it was what needed to be done, also that it had been the right thing to do. Because it was, right? But then why did he feel so awful about it? Why did he feel like he was the one in the wrong side of things? He hadn't done anything wrong, not on purpose. He just wanted to be his usual friendly self, he got caught in the moment, just wanted to have fun. He never expected all the Warblers to follow him along when he stood up and got on the stage with the New Directions in the McKinley auditorium. And he definitely didn't expect The Warblers to demand Sebastian stop his vicious rivalry nonsense after the performance ended.

He had been frozen in the spot, mouth open and eyes wide with panic as he saw how Nick told Sebastian to just "give it up already" and how the rest of the Warblers stood in silent agreement, against him. He had not been able to hold Sebastian's gaze when he looked at him right after Artie kicked him out of the Auditorium. He could have looked at anyone; Jeff, Nick and Thad were standing closer to the front in comparison, yet Sebastian focused on him, green eyes filled with… disappointment? Disbelief? Betrayed. And in that quick second Trent had seen how the boy he had come to know and develop a close friendship with was shutting him out. With a nonchalant half chuckle he had turned away and exited the auditorium and in a sense, he had also exited Trent's life.

Now everything was a mess. And maybe he had started the whole revolution-against-Sebastian situation with his stunt at the McKinley auditorium, but actually things had been building up for a long time before that day. Sebastian had crossed a line, he had managed to injure Blaine. That was horrible, yet not completely unexpected from Sebastian, but the impressive thing was how he had managed to make the Warblers help him do it.

It was like he held some kind of power over them; they idolized him, and would do anything he told them to, convinced that if Sebastian said it, it had to be a good idea. Trent hadn't known about the slushie, but apparently the rest of the guys did. Even if the ones specifically helping Sebastian out were only Nick and Jon, it was like the rest of them made a point of hiding it from Trent. Had Sebastian asked them not to tell him? Of course, because he must have known that he would try to talk him out of it.

Well, he was tired of that, Sebastian had gone too far this time, and he needed someone to make him realize it. He just wished he had done it another way that didn't cost him his friendship with the boy. Like right after the parking lot incident, when he had tried to talk to Sebastian, suggesting he call Blaine to see if he was okay, but Sebastian had shrugged it off saying Blaine was probably over reacting and trying to call attention to stop their inevitable defeat against the Warblers in their performance stunt on the parking lot.

Trent had convinced himself that maybe Sebastian was right, and Blaine was okay, even if the slushie had been a dickish thing to do. But now in the dead of night, with all his conflicting emotions and regrets, he felt stupid. Because of course Sebastian would get him to see things his way, and he was stupid enough to bring him a slushie to the orchestra room even though he knew it would most likely end up in Santana's face. He had been made an accomplice to the same thing he opposed just a few days before, just in order to please Sebastian. How pathetic could he get? No wonder Sebastian didn't take him seriously.

He was easy to read, and easy to handle. As much as he had tried since the beginning to hide his feelings towards Sebastian as they continued to grow inside him, it had been as obvious as if he had them written in his forehead. However, the thing that had him intrigued was that Sebastian never used that against him. He never mocked him, or push him away. He kept him close, seemed at ease hanging out with him, even when their friendship blurred the lines into more than friends yet not really anything else.

Of course it meant nothing to Sebastian, but for Trent it was like walking in the air, floating. Like living in a place he never thought could exist outside of his wildest dreams. And now it had all gone to shit.

Ever since he had left the McKinley auditorium on Wednesday afternoon, Sebastian didn't want anything to do with the Warblers, or with Trent for that matter. Sebastian's pride had been wounded, that much was obvious, and they all expected to have to deal with it and maybe the inevitable rage that he would unleash on them for embarrassing him in front of those "ridiculous public school brats" as he had often referred to the New Directions. They had spent a while talking outside the McKinley parking lot, mostly coming up with possible scenarios of what Sebastian would do and say to them the next day at rehearsal and how they could manage to confront him, discuss the issues that needed to be addressed and resolve everything quickly enough so this whole fiasco wouldn't take precious time away from their rehearsals as they prepared to compete in regionals.

So when Sebastian decided to just shake it, in fact, shake them off, they were indignant, and also worried. It was like they had just dropped off the face of the earth for him. It was the most infuriating thing; Sebastian didn't even seem to be affected by the loss of his place as captain of the Warblers (since of course, he was the one who had quit, with a brief and fairly impersonal email sent to Thad, wishing them best of luck with the mediocrity they had obviously chosen).

If anything, he seemed relieved to not have to deal with them anymore, occasionally shooting them his annoyingly cocky half grins from the other side of the lunch room where he sat with the guys from the Lacrosse team, or only half-acknowledging them as he passed them by in the hallways on his way to class.

Sebastian always, always had company, someone to talk to, and people willing to hang out with him for lunch or after class. He was popular. Damn him and his self-sufficiency.

He was supposed to be hurting, reflecting on his bad deeds and trying to work things out with the Warblers. But apparently he couldn't be bothered. He just didn't seem to care anymore. Once again, Trent's good intentions had gotten him in a terrible situation and left him with too many regrets. After having his calls and texts ignored Wednesday night and his existence completely disregarded at school the next day. Trent couldn't bring himself to look at Sebastian in the eye in Biology class on Friday. Still, much to his own self-loathing, he had managed to send him a few more texts earlier that afternoon, asking if he would please talk to him.

He regretted having sent them the second he hit the button, especially when after hours and hours nothing came as a response. He was furious, and sad. Was he really going to lose Sebastian? Was he really never going to be his friend again, or even, an acquaintance? Maybe that was the reason he felt even more restless as he dwelled in his thoughts in the middle of the night. Tomorrow he would have to face Sebastian and sit next to him in class. Feeling specially pathetic and unimportant since he was apparently so quickly discarded from his life after being close friends.

He felt his heart ache wondering if he would continue to ignore him. Somehow the silent treatment seemed unlikely when they had to at least talk about their assignments for class. But it was going to be hell. Awkward and painful hell. What if Sebastian was going to start being rude to him? What if he never got the chance to talk to the open and easygoing boy he had come to know these past months? What if instead he was forever faced with the cruel and calculating version of Sebastian Smythe? The one whose words cut like knives and indifference burned like acid, the one that so many other people had to deal with because of not having the fortune of falling in his good graces?

Trent had witnessed that many times before, and not only with Kurt and the New Directions, but with members of Sebastian's own family and other "nobodies" at school. He felt a cold shiver run through his spine. He would not survive that. He was not strong enough, and his own feelings for Sebastian would just make everything a thousand times worse. He already felt like a hole had been punched through his chest. And he hadn't even actually talked to Sebastian yet.

The uncertainty was killing him. He closed his eyes again and decided he really needed to try to sleep, or else he would look terrible in the morning. And he couldn't afford for Sebastian to notice how affected he was with everything that had happened. Of course that was just wishful thinking and he knew it. Sebastian had his way of reading him like an open book. But the thing is, Trent had also been able to read Sebastian before, it was like he could see into his heart on those few rare occasions where they would have long talks about everything from school to family, hopes and fears, life goals and past regrets. He cherished those moments, even if they were few, especially on those occasions where Sebastian would seem overwhelmed by the pressure from his parents, and their continued absence. As it was like being far away so often on work related trips only made them focus on his results at school and the clubs and committees he was involved in rather than paying attention to him as a person.

So in those rare moments, even if just a little, he could read him. And it just made him want to know and discover everything about him. To be able to read into the rest of the secrets and vulnerabilities and insecurities that he hid under his overconfident and beautiful exterior. Yet now, it was like that window into Sebastian's life had been shut right in his face and he had gotten his fingers caught and smashed with it. So after much dwelling in his own emotional pain and his brain's complete inability to shut up, he finally managed to drift off to sleep. Even though his dreams were filled with images of disappointed green eyes in a beautiful freckled face.

Too soon he woke up to the sound of his alarm blasting in his ears. It was almost as he had only slept 1 hour, with how exhausted he felt. "I can do this… I can actually do this." – he muttered almost in a whisper. Maybe if he kept telling himself that, he would actually start to believe it.

He would face Sebastian in class today and deal with whatever life was going to throw at him like a champ. And so he dragged himself out of bed and proceeded to take a shower and get ready for school. Between the stress and hurry of getting ready and the nerves of his impending encounter with Sebastian (for first period, nonetheless) and after having his mother force him to have breakfast even though his stomach was doing backflips, he ran out the door and to his car. Just as he was about to leave he realized he was almost forgetting his cellphone.

He ran back to the house and up the stairs to his room, and quickly retrieved it from under his pillows. As soon as he unblocked the screen his blood ran cold, as it displayed: (1) unread message from Sebastian Smythe. He must have gotten it last night and he hadn't noticed because he snuck his cellphone under the pillows to avoid the temptation of sending further texts to Sebastian. He wanted to read it and at the same time dreaded it. He opened it anyway:

_**11:09 PM - From Sebastian Smythe: Do NOT bother me with this tomorrow at school. There is nothing to talk about.** _

His anger was evident through the text. But anger he could take. At least that meant that he still felt something for him. At least he was acknowledging his existence enough to be mad at him. And with that he knew he definitely was going to talk to Sebastian today.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halfway through this chapter, there's text written in italics, which represents a flashback. We're gonna have a few of those in upcoming chapters too. Just to sort of remember things that happened before, because it is important to understand some of the things about to come.

The drive to school is a mixture of things for Trent. He goes from turning on the radio to distract himself from his own thoughts to turning it off because the songs annoy him. It's either cheesy love songs that he really isn't in the mood for, or something equally frustrating just because if reminds him of Sebastian. He really isn't in the mood for anything; it seems, except maybe for finding out everything was just a dream and waking up to find everything is like it used to be. He chastises himself for being so dramatic, he still hasn't really had the chance to talk to Sebastian, and maybe there is still a chance to make it all better. But he can't help it. He wants to fix things so bad, but at the same time he knows it won't be easy. Sebastian is complicated, and stubborn, and still a mystery to him in so many ways.

He parks his car in his usual spot and takes a minute to put himself together before getting out. He sighs heavily.  _He can do this, he can do this_. This will be his motto for today. He gets out of his car, taking his books and his bag and takes a look around the parking lot. Sebastian is not there yet, he can't spot his car. He starts walking towards the main entrance when he hears someone calling out to him: "Trent! Hey Trent!"

"Oh, hey Nick… what's up?"

"Listen man, I just wanted to ask if you had been able to talk to Sebastian abou-"

"No. Nick, for the hundredth time. No." Trent cuts him off. Trying hard to hide the exasperation from his voice, and failing miserably. He is nervous enough as it is, with the minutes passing by and knowing he will have to sit next to Sebastian in class. He really doesn't need Nick and the others nagging him about talking to him. "I told you, he is giving me the same treatment as you guys, we haven't spoken… and I've tried, ok? I told you I would try but he hasn't returned any of my calls or texts."

He wasn't about to tell Nick about Sebastian's text from the night before. He didn't want Nick to keep prodding him for details, and it was embarrassing enough to admit he had been trying to contact him and being blatantly ignored to add on top of that the fact that Sebastian had only ever replied to his pleas to talk to him by asking him to fuck off, basically.

"There he is…" says Nick, looking over Trent's head. Trent turned around following Nick's gaze back to the gate where Sebastian was just driving through.

He usually would park in the middle of the lot, right under the trees that were there, in the same area Trent parked. He preferred the shade the trees provided to guard his car from the unforgiving sun, even if it was a few rows of cars further away from the buildings. Today however, he passed right by them and turned to park closer to the entrance of the main building, in the first row of the parking lot. Had he deliberately parked there to avoid talking to them? That was most likely the case, but he couldn't tell because Sebastian was wearing shades, so when he drove right next to them he couldn't say if he had seen them or not.

Nick and Trent just stood there and stared, contemplating how Sebastian got out from his car, grabbed his things and started walking inside, taking off his sunglasses and tucking them away into his blazer's pocket as he got lost among the rest of the people rushing to get inside the building as the bell rang. The sound of the bell removed them from their haze as they realized they were just staring like idiots instead of getting to class. As they hurried inside, Nick patted Trent on the shoulder and said: "You have biology with him today right? Well, good luck with that." - Trent just gave him a strained smile and he turned to the corner before he could really say anything else. It was time to face the truth.

He entered the classroom and spotted Sebastian immediately, sitting in their usual desk, staring at his phone typing something. Trent walked slowly towards him, feeling each step as heavy as if he was dragging stones that had been chained to his feet. He had thought about what he was going to say a million times over last night, yet he wished he could remember right now because his mind was blank and panicking as he took each step. He didn't know where to start. What exactly was that he wanted to say? Should he apologize? No! He had nothing to apologize for. The rational part of his mind knew that, but at the same time that is all he wanted to do. Say he was sorry for what happened and just beg for Sebastian to talk to him again, to go back to normal. He took a deep breath and put his books on the desk, carefully. Sebastian continued as if nothing had happened. Trent slowly pulled out his chair and sat next to him, face looking forward but eyes looking down and looking at Sebastian from the corner of his eye. His nervousness must have been radiating in waves because his hands were a little shaky and he could feel sweat starting to appear between his fingers.  _Get yourself together. You can do this._

Class still hadn't started and students were still coming inside and settling into their seats, the teacher wasn't there yet. Sebastian kept looking at his phone, texting someone, apparently. He hated himself for the little spark of jealousy and curiosity inside him that made him ache and want to know who could he be talking with. He shook himself out of his thoughts and took a deep breath, figured he was going to have to be the first one to talk, at least to say hi and break the ice, but before he could say anything Sebastian was yawning loudly, stretching his arms over his head and then rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. Trent took the opportunity to turn his head completely to look at him… and that's when he noticed. Sebastian was looking a little tired; he could see it in his eyes.

Sebastian noticed and turned to his side, facing Trent, putting his elbow over the desk and tilting his head resting it over his hand, expression unreadable, almost… bored?

"Hi…" Trent said… hating how his voice came out sounding small and cracked.

Before Sebastian could answer (and not that it looked like he was going to say anything. He just  _stared_ at Trent) Mr. Sandberg, their biology teacher, entered the Classroom and started giving out pieces of paper. "Surprise, surprise! We're having a quiz today everybody… I need to test how much you're actually learning so get ready!"

Well, shit. There went his chance of making small talk with Sebastian. How were they going to be able to talk if they were taking a test? Plus, if Sebastian finished his test before he did, he would leave and he wouldn't have the chance to talk to him. This sucked.

"I don't want anybody talking to each other, and put away your phones or I will confiscate them." Mr. Sandberg said, walking between the rows of desks and throwing sideway glances at everybody, checking to see if they were complying with his instructions. "You have the whole 40 minutes of this period to answer this test, if you finish before class ends, you're all expected to show up early to your next class with Mrs. Konan."

40 minutes? That seemed like a lot, but of course it was going to be a long test.

"Oh, fuck my life…" Sebastian said quietly, with an exasperated groan, pressing the bridge of his nose with two of his fingers and then running his hand over his face, sighing heavily. He looked really tired, or was he hungover? It certainly wouldn't be the first time, he did have a history of sneaking out of his house on school nights when his parents weren't home to go out clubbing and stuff. Suddenly Trent's mind was filled with images of Sebastian partying in a club last night, probably dancing with some hot guy.  _Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!_  This wasn't the time to think about this. He had a test to finish, and he had to do it quick. Sebastian was a little distant earlier, but wasn't flat out dismissive of Trent, so that gave him a little bit of hope. Maybe he would be able to listen to him once they were finished with this test and standing face to face. If he was fast enough, maybe he could finish before Sebastian and wait for him in Mrs. Konan's class, they might even be able to be alone for a few minutes and talk. Trent couldn't stop the small smile forming in his face just thinking about the possibility, even if he was still a little nervous and intimidated by the whole situation. And so he decided to focus and answer his test diligently. Speaking to Sebastian was important, but he wasn't about to let this distraction get in the way of his grades. After all, he was a straight A student.

Almost 30 minutes went by, nothing but silence and the sounds of pencils writing on paper filled the classroom. Suddenly there was a knock on the door, and Alyson, the headmaster's assistant peeked through the door. "Excuse me Mr. Sandberg, I'm gonna need Sebastian Smythe to come with me? He is needed at the headmaster's office."

Sebastian raised an eyebrow, giving a questioning look up to Mr. Sandberg

"Oh, we're in the middle of a test dear." Mr. Sandberg started.

"I'm afraid this is important, he really needs to come with me now. Maybe you can discuss how he will finish his test after we're done?" she said with a small smile towards the teacher, and then turned her gaze to Sebastian. "They're waiting for you" She said to Sebastian, suddenly looking more serious.

Sebastian looked wary as he started gathering his things from his desk and putting them into his satchel. Trent couldn't help but stare at him, trying to read his face but Sebastian didn't even look at him. Instead, he just walked up to Mr. Sandberg "I was done with my test anyway, so here." He said and gave away his test. He didn't even wait to get a reply from the teacher; he just turned around and walked to the door with Alyson.

This was strange. What could the headmaster want with Sebastian? Trent had a bad feeling about the whole thing. It seemed like the universe was against him being able to talk to Sebastian. 10 minutes later he was done with his test and walking to his next class, Sebastian nowhere in sight.

The next period went by, and Sebastian hadn't returned from the headmaster's office. Trent wondered what could they possibly be discussing that would take so much time. More than one hour indicated that it must be something serious. The uncertainty was killing him. What was taking them so long? Though after a while the started thinking that maybe Sebastian was already done and he just hadn't returned to class and decided to ditch. After the bell rang, he exited the classroom and decided to take a quick glance in the direction of the headmaster's office. He could pretend to go to the library anyway, so that excuse was just as good as anything. He made a quick stop by the drinking fountain just below the big staircase that came from the second floor, where the headmaster's office was located. He was picking up his things to go back when he heard a couple of voices talking.

"I am really disappointed in you Sebastian" – The unmistakable voice sent chills down his spine. What was Sebastian's dad doing in Dalton? Wasn't he supposed to be away on business? This couldn't be good.

"You do realize how much trouble you could have caused our family with this little stunt? I cannot believe I had to come here and clean up your mess, son."

"I told you… dad, it really wasn't-"

"The kid needs surgery Sebastian!" He was raising his voice now, and Trent felt trapped beneath the staircase, if they saw him eavesdropping he would be  _so dead_. How did he end up in this corner hiding like some creepy stalker lunatic? He wished the earth would open up and swallow him whole. He couldn't move away now without been seen, and he couldn't even hide properly anywhere, he just had to wait and hope they wouldn't notice him.

"Well they have no proof now do they? You don't have to worry about your precious reputation." Sebastian barked back, anger showing through his voice.

"You really need to be careful with your words young man, or you'll end up in some filthy public school you know?"

"huh…" Sebastian chuckled sarcastically, "Of course."

"You were lucky this time, but my family connections can't save your ass every time you decide you want to make a mess Sebastian. Don't forget that."

There was nothing in reply.

"Give me your keys"

"What? Why?"

"Give me the  _damn_  keys!"

There were sounds of shuffling keys and they steps being taken.

"I will have your car picked up by Greg and you can take the bus home."

"This is bullshit!"

"Goodbye son."

Trent watched as Sebastian's dad walked through the hallway to the main door and out to the parking lot. Sebastian must have stood where he was because he didn't hear any movement or further steps being taken against the wooden floor.

Suddenly there was a quiet little noise, he couldn't quite make it up… then there was a heavy sigh and Sebastian's defeated voice "Shit… fuck this shit" and then nothing. He was gone.

Trent felt relief wash over him, as Sebastian had clearly walked in another direction. He still waited a few more seconds before he moved and hurried back to his class. He was already late and would have to come up with some believable excuse so he wouldn't get into trouble. He decided to make a run for it, hurrying out from under the stairs to run down the hallway… he was so worried looking down as he ran that he didn't have any warning as he slammed full force into Sebastian. "Aargh!" Sebastian groaned as Trent had knocked the wind out of him.

"Oh my god I'm sorry… I'm sorry" Trent started babbling feeling embarrassed and panicky. His books and bag were on the floor and Sebastian's satchel was hanging half way through his arm, it had opened and some of his books and papers had fallen to the floor as well. He looked seriously pissed. "What the fuck Trent?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't see you, and I… I just was… I'm sorry… are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" – Sebastian snapped back.

"Right… sorry… I…" Trent said sheepishly as he picked up his books and handed some of Sebastian's things to him from the floor.

"Wait… where were you coming from?" Sebastian asked, eying Trent with suspicion.

"I... um… why? I mean… I was in the uh… in the library."

"But you have math right now."

Trent's eyes were wide and mouth gaped open. He didn't know what to say.

"Ugh… Whatever." Sebastian said, as he turned and started walking the opposite direction.

Trent couldn't believe what just happened… he was almost trembling from all the emotions, nerves, embarrassment, panic, guilt… but he couldn't let this opportunity slide. Sebastian was right there in the empty hallway, walking away from him again.

"Sebastian! Wait!" he said as he fixed his bag's strap on his shoulder and started running after him.

Sebastian didn't stop, of course, and continued to walk down the hall. "Sebastian will you please stop?" he pleaded, catching his breath as he ran up to Sebastian, grabbing him gently by the arm so he would turn around.

"What?" Sebastian asked, the annoyance clear in his voice as he shook his arm out of Trent's grasp like it had burned him.

"Can we just talk?" Trent pleaded; searching Sebastian's eyes for something,  _anything_  that would tell him what was going through his mind.

"We're already talking, and much more than I would like, to be honest."

His words hurt deep in his chest, but he wasn't gonna let go that easy. He'd seen Sebastian insult his way out of uncomfortable situations with people he hated, and he refused to let himself become one of those people. He had to fix this, and it was now or never.

"You're not like this. Please don't shut me out; we need to talk about what happened… you-" Trent started…

"Oh so  _you_  need to talk about what happened now… oh that's funny. I'm gonna tell you  _exactly what happened_ …" Trent felt a pang of heat crawl from his spine up to his neck and to his head as Sebastian's leaned closer, towering over him, his face was just inches away from his', and any other moment he would be melting into his gaze but right now, every one of his senses was on edge, and the furious look on Sebastian's eyes told him he wasn't going to like what was going to happen next.

"You fucking stabbed me in the back!" Sebastian all but yelled at him. Trent opened his mouth to try and say something but Sebastian wouldn't have it. "You don't want me to shut you out? Well guess what? You should have thought about that on Wednesday."

Trent felt a cold feeling pooling up in his stomach. His knees weak and dread rising inside him as Sebastian took two steps back and started walking away, slowly.

"Sebastian  _please_ …" he managed to say… sounding like a small-berated child. He hated himself the minute the words left his mouth, but he didn't know what else to say. He was desperate. He felt a painful knot forming in his throat as he managed to say a few more words: "I didn't m-mean to do that… it was… it wasn't like that…"

Sebastian stopped and half-turned his head to look at him. For a moment Trent could swear he saw sadness in his eyes, but it vanished in a second before his features turned cold again. "You're pathetic. Stop wasting my time." He said as he stalked off.

Trent stood there, the pain in his throat unbearable now. He felt like he was choking, like he couldn't breathe. His head felt heavy, and before he knew it, he felt warm tears streaming down his cheeks.  _No. Don't cry. Not here, not here!_  He ran across the hallway and into the bathroom. He shut himself in one of the stalls and sat down on the floor. He was just thankful everyone was in class and so the place was empty. He was probably going to ruin his pants by sitting on the floor, but he didn't care. He just put his hands on his face and let it all out. Loud, violent sobs shaking him to his core. He hated to cry; he avoided it at all costs, he had become a master in bottling up his feelings deep down and putting a brave front, because if he allowed himself to cry, once he started he just couldn't stop. He had been holding on to too many things lately, and so in that minute, he gave up, too much pain in his heart for him to try to bury anymore. He hated himself, he felt like a failure, like an idiot. He just wished he could take it all back.

There was a little voice in the back of his mind telling him that this was exactly what was going to happen, that he was just stupid enough to think it could be any different.

2 months ago…

_Sebastian was sitting across from him in their table at the library. Deep in thought as he read into his book, chewing the bottom of his pen, moving it from side to side in his mouth. Trent knew he should probably stop staring but he just couldn't. It was a Friday afternoon and they had decided they would stay after school to finish their pending homework so they could find something fun to do over the weekend. Sebastian's parents were on Paris, again, and wouldn't be back until Tuesday, so Sebastian had the house all to himself. They would probably do the usual, camp out on the massive living room with the huge 70" TV and play guitar hero, watch movies and eat too many junk food. But Trent was excited nonetheless. It wasn't the first time that Trent was staying over at Sebastian's. He had been over once with all the Warblers as they had a sleepover right before sectionals, (to practice non-stop the challenging choreography Sebastian had come up with) and another few times just by himself. It was amazing how they got along so well. He didn't know exactly why, but Sebastian seemed at ease around him. He was open and easygoing. Maybe it had been all the time they had to spend together in the beginning of the school year because of the heavy projects they had to work on, but they could talk for hours and hours, and it wasn't ever awkward or boring. Sebastian amused himself talking to Trent about his adventures in Paris and Spain, and about all the kinds of trouble he managed to get himself into, watching Trent's horrified face at all the things he had to say. And Trent enjoyed telling Sebastian all sorts of embarrassing stories about his life and the Warblers from previous years before Sebastian went to Dalton._

_So as they sat there in the library, finishing up their homework. Trent couldn't help but feel giddy with anticipation at what the weekend had in store for him._

" _So, we're almost done… are you ready to go? I'm starving" – Sebastian said, closing up his book and putting it away._

" _Yeah me too. Where are we going?" – Trent asked expectantly. He didn't really know what Sebastian's plans were. He had just told Trent he had a surprise for him. Sebastian just stared at him with his little smirk and devilish eyes. "Well, first we're going to eat, then we're gonna go back to my place and get ready. I'm taking you out tonight to have the time of your life Mr. Nixon, and you can't refuse, you're at my mercy this weekend."_

_Trent couldn't help but blush at his words. Sebastian probably didn't mean anything by that, but his mind was already flying with scenarios of how much "at Sebastian's mercy" he would actually be willing to be. A guy could dream, right?_

_They went back to Sebastian's house and ate. Sebastian's family's maid had left lasagna and a simple garden salad ready before leaving. She never really stayed during the weekends when Sebastian's parents weren't there, only on occasion when she was asked. The food was delicious and after slacking around for a few hours Sebastian declared it was time to start getting ready. "Where exactly are we going, Sebastian?" Trent asked, almost warily when he saw Sebastian searching through his closet for several dress shirts._

" _It's a surprise." He said again, with a huge grin on his face, clearly trying to stop himself from laughing out loud. Trent was excited, but a little fearful at the same time. "Oh god, we're not going to a bar or something… are we?" he asked, eyes wide in panic. Sebastian suddenly burst into laughter, hysterically_

" _Uh… Sebastian but how are we going to even get in? I don't have a fake ID like yours." Trent said, trying to hide the embarrassment in his voice. He just had a bad feeling overall about the whole feigning being of age to get into a bar. What if they couldn't get in? What if they called the police on them? His parent's didn't even know he was gay yet. He could imagine his dad having a heart attack if the way he was going to find out his son was gay was because he had been caught trying to illegally get into a gay bar by using a fake ID._

_Sebastian grabbed his wallet and took it out, putting it over the table in front of Trent with a smug grin. His very own fake ID._

_Trent took the ID to get a closer look and just stared in awe. It looked very real, even though it was very, very fake._

" _You're welcome." Sebastian said with a wink._

_Trent just breathed heavily. "Wow… oh my god" he was starting to panic and they hadn't even left the house yet. Sebastian apparently found it very amusing as he kept laughing to himself as he turned around and started getting changed._

_Trent blushed and turned around quickly, feeling self conscious of Sebastian's sudden shirtless-ness. Sebastian couldn't care less apparently, since he was now obviously changing into his pants, if the sounds of zippers being undone were giving Trent any accurate indication. So he decided to grab his overnight bag and go into the other room to change, without saying a word._

_Minutes later they were ready and getting into the car. Trent couldn't help but feel nervous and excited at the same time. He kept telling himself that this was not a good idea, yet another part of him was excited to go into a bar for the first time, and no less with Sebastian Smythe. He had heard many stories from him before, when they'd talk about his shenanigans about getting into bars and getting drunk, of walking out with guys he'd met there, exchanging phone numbers, kisses and the even the occasional hand job. Sebastian never explicitly said he had actual sex with the guys he met while out clubbing, but it wasn't hard to imagine, if the images he had in his head from the movies he had watched of how bar backrooms and restrooms sometimes got, with couples sneaking in to get a quick fuck, unable to wait until they could get someplace else._

" _Trent…" Sebastian started, clearly noticing the tension in his features._

" _Could you please relax? We're not going to just any seedy bar. I'm taking you to my favorite one, in Columbus."_

_Trent tried to smile but it came out all strained and pained. "Okay… yeah, sounds like fun." He said with a nervous laugh. Sebastian just smiled fondly, his eyes focused on the road as he kept driving. Minutes later they had arrived and were walking out the car and into the line waiting outside the bar. It looked nothing like what Trent had in mind, somehow not as glamorous yet strangely appealing. The loud music could be heard from the outside, as the line of people kept slowly moving forward._

_When they almost halfway through the queue, he could see Sebastian stretching his neck up to see the front of the line, his brow slightly furrowed. He kept looking around, and then up to the front again, as if he was looking for someone. He just hoped it wasn't any super hot guy, he was kinda hoping he could dance with Sebastian a little once they were actually inside. Trent might be nervous, but if he liked something, it was dancing. So he put up his best brave face and decided to ask Sebastian…_

" _What's up?" Trent said as he stared carefully, searching for Sebastian's gaze to find some answers. Sebastian just breathed out harshly and shrugged. "Nothing… it's just. The door man isn't the usual guy. So I was just looking around to see if he was around, but I can't see him"._

" _Is that a bad thing?"_

" _No, I mean… it shouldn't be. I just like the other guy better, he knows me. I don't even have to show him my ID when I come here anymore."_

_Oh well, there went all his futile attempts for staying calm. He felt dread growing in his stomach as they got closer to the entrance. Why were there so many people there anyway? And was this a gay bar? Or just a regular bar? He couldn't tell. But suddenly, as it was their turn at the door, he wanted to be anywhere but there, as the doorman eyed them up and down and then chuckled un-amused._

" _You can't come in." he blurted out, looking briefly at Sebastian and then directly at Trent._

" _Why not?" Sebastian said, annoyed. "You haven't even seen our ID's" he said, taking them out and all but shoving it to the guys arms, which were still crossed over his chest._

" _I can see them. And you might be 21 but he doesn't look a day over 14" the guy said, looking over at Trent and shaking his head, a mocking grin on his face._

_Trent wanted to die. It was like all his fears had come true. Of course the guy wouldn't buy it. He was ridiculous even thinking he could pull this off. He wasn't good enough to be here, he was such a fucking baby. Was this guy going to call the cops? Were they going to get in trouble? He could feel his face on fire, feeling humiliated and pathetic. But Sebastian was determined to get them in. "Come on man, Jake knows me, I come here all the time…" The doorman looked at Sebastian, lifting one eyebrow incredulously. "Call him, he can tell you…"_

_The guy just snorted and gestured for them to get out of the line. "Jake doesn't work here anymore kid, now you can either get inside and have your boyfriend call a cab for himself so the line of people waiting can actually continue, or you can both go home to your mom, she must be worried."_

_For a moment Trent took the guy's words in. Did this guy just suggested Sebastian ditch him just like that? Of fucking course. Even some random stranger could see how silly he must look trying to fit into Sebastian's world. He felt weak and stupid and angry, and just wished he could disappear. His mind quickly going over how much money he actually had on him and how much would a cab ride cost him from Columbus and back to Westerville._

_He was snapped out of his thoughts by the feeling of Sebastian's rough grasp on his arm, as he grabbed him and started walking furiously back to the parking lot._

_Sebastian was livid. That much he could tell, and Trent felt paralyzed as he walked quickly trying to keep up after he had let go of his arm. "This is bullshit, such fucking bullshit." Sebastian said, shaking his head with disbelief. Trent didn't know what to do or say, so he just went with the first thing he could muster "I'm sorry."_

_Sebastian stopped, then turned around to look at him and frowned confused "What?"_

" _I just blew everything… I'm just... I'm sorry about that."_

" _You're kidding, right?" Sebastian said, with an incredulous look on his face. Trent said nothing, just shrugged his shoulders and looked to the floor._

_Sebastian laughed as he pulled his keys out of his pocket and opened his car. "Let's get out of here."_

_Trent got into the passenger's seat, still not saying anything and not daring to look at Sebastian as he backed out from the parking lot and started the drive back home. Instead he looked down to his hands, which were resting in his legs, playing with the fabric of his jeans like it was the most interesting thing ever. Suddenly feeling defeated and ashamed. He had just ruined a perfectly good night of fun for Sebastian. If he hadn't been with him, he could be inside the bar right now having a great time. He was such an idiot; he should have never agreed to going out with Sebastian, they were too different, like they belonged in two different worlds. What was he even thinking? Ugh, he hated himself right now._

" _Do you like vodka?" Sebastian suddenly said, which caught Trent completely off guard._

" _What?"_

" _Well, since that jackass didn't let us get our party on in the club, I figured we can have a little party of our own" he said… a teasing tone back in his voice. Trent was flabbergasted, he didn't know what to say to that… so he just laughed, feeling a little relieved to see Sebastian didn't seem to actually be mad anymore._

" _Uhm, well I've never really tried it before so… maybe?"_

_And suddenly Sebastian was laughing again. "Well you are lucky I make some of the best cocktails. You are gonna love it."_

_Once they were back in the house, Sebastian proceeded to unbutton his shirt 3 buttons and take off his belt, putting it on the couch, before rushing to the kitchen. "Put some music on Trent, I'm gonna get ourselves something to drink." He said, shaking his arms over his head like he was dancing, even though there was no music yet. And so he went to the living room and put Sebastian's iPod in the sound system and quickly searched for something to play. He didn't quite know what kind of music he was supposed to put. Why was he nervous? He found a playlist named "party" so he figured that was as good as it was going to get._

_He just pressed play and decided to go find Sebastian in the kitchen. When he got there, he found Sebastian already had started mixing things up and serving them in tall transparent cups that looked really fancy. Just like the ones they would probably have at the club. There were bottles of vodka and whisky in the counter, as well as cranberry, orange and… pineapple? Why did he need pineapple?_

" _So uh... what are we drinking?" Trent asked cheerfully, propping himself up by the elbows in the counter in front of Sebastian, who was really focused on his task of preparing their drinks, not looking up at Trent as he replied through his signature smirk "We are starting you in the art of drinking, of course, going through my repertoire of vodka cocktails" he handed Trent his cup, full of red liquid and a thin sliced piece of pineapple placed on it. It smelled oddly sweet._

" _Don't smell it, drink it!" Sebastian said as he raised his own cup as if to make a toast with Trent's own cup. They both dissolved into giggles as he tried his first sip. It was nice; he almost didn't feel the taste the alcohol. He still hadn't made up his mind whether that was a good or a bad thing._

" _We're starting slow since it's your first time with Vodka, so drink up, the night's still young!"_

_After a few minutes their cups were empty and he decided he wanted another one. So they did and stayed in the kitchen, drinking, making jokes and talking easily until they decided they wanted to sit somewhere more comfortable than the kitchen stools._

_Sebastian took the bottles with them to the living room, not feeling like keeping going back and forth every time they wanted a refill. He told trend to grab some snacks from the pantry so they could have something to eat while they drank. As time passed by Trent had completely forgotten about the sour moments outside the bar. They were actually having a great time by themselves, deciding they didn't need any stupid bar to have a good time._

_3 drinks in, he was already feeling light headed and strangely happy, it's like everything Sebastian said was twice as funny. They were talking and teasing each other, Sebastian had even told him a few stories about times when he wasn't allowed into bars and a few others when he was actually kicked out._

" _Happens to the best of us, y'know" he said between giggles. "I really wanted to dance though, I think we should d-dance…" he said, halfway through a hiccup… and that was all the encouragement Trent needed. As he quickly got up and grabbed Sebastian's hands to pull him off the couch "So let's dance!" Sebastian's eyes grew in surprised, synchronized with his mouth as it grew into a wide and stupidly endearing grin. He got up and they started dancing right there in the middle of the living room. The music playing was fun and suited the moment perfectly…_

_I really, I really_

_Whoa oh, I really need to know_  
(I really, I really)  
Whoa oh, or else you gotta let me go  
(I really, I really)

_This time I really need to do things right_ __  
_Shivers that you give me, keep me freezing all night_ _  
__You make me, shudder oooh yeah_

_It was silly and fun and strangely… flirty? Trent was sure he must be imagining it but still, even in his mildly drunken haze, he could feel himself smiling like an idiot and completely incapable of taking his eyes off Sebastian as he moved around him. Making playful sexy faces at Trent as he sang the words to the song, pointing at him with his arms stretched in front of him and then turning around in all sorts of quirky dance moves. It was amazing. Sebastian must have been even more drunk than he was, since he had lost track of how many drink's he'd have. He had even taken a few sips directly from the second bottle of Vodka they had opened._

_You make me shudder, oh yeah,_

_I can't believe it, I'm not myself,_

_Suddenly I'm thinking 'bout no one else_

_You make me shudder_

_They kept singing and dancing through the song, and then for a few others too, making exaggerated gestures and moves until they fell into the couch laughing hysterically, exhausted from the silly dancing and both incredibly drunk. Sebastian's face was flushed and his eyes teary from laughing so much. Trent wondered how he was so lucky to be able to see him like this, when every single day he acted so cool and collected._

_The next few things happened very fast, and yet for Trent it was like everything was in slow motion. Sebastian had moved closer to him and had his head rested his shoulder when they had dropped into the couch, and after a few seconds of just staying there, his right hand had reached out to pull Trent's neck by the left side, aiming to turn his head, as Sebastian's own had nested in the crook of his neck. Trent didn't even have time to get nervous or wonder why the hell was Sebastian grabbing his neck to pull him down because next thing he knew there were warm lips over his own and he was just lost in the sensation of it all. He probably had the alcohol to thank for this but he didn't freak out in the least, instead he felt his stomach do a little flip and burst with heat and butterflies and rainbows and holy shit he was kissing Sebastian Smythe!_

_Sebastian teased his tongue at the seam of his lips, parting them quite effortlessly, and Trent was surprised at how easy it was to just let himself enjoy this. There was no hesitance, no fear, as he reached with both his hands to hold Sebastian's face, cupping his cheeks as he started actively kissing back, he was surprised as to how easy it was to just kiss, just feel and get lost in the sensations. He had no idea what he was doing but it was probably for the best. If he had been sober he would probably be freaking out and overthinking and talking and asking just what the hell was going on and why had Sebastian decided he suddenly wanted to kiss him._

_They kissed for what could have been hours but it was probably only a few minutes, until Sebastian's hand had left his neck and reached down to rest on his side, touching his waist. Trent flinched in surprise, which caused them to break the kiss. For a brief second they just stared at each other, Trent might have been drunk but he felt incredibly self-conscious and he couldn't read what Sebastian was thinking because his eyes were focused on his mouth. Sebastian's eyes moved up to his own and then dropped back to his mouth "You taste like peach schnapps…" he said, and then he gave him one quick pat on the side of his neck, before collapsing back on the couch, stretching out his arms and closing his eyes. "I like it" he said, making himself comfortable. Trent was dumbstruck and couldn't even form a coherent sentence to reply, so he just laughed a little nervous yet relieved laugh. He stayed there, just staring at Sebastian until he started to feel his eyes getting really heavy. They ended up falling asleep on the couch, each reclined to the opposite side of it, but their legs still ended up kind of tangled in the middle._

_It would have taken him ages to be able to sleep with all the things he was feeling, but the alcohol had made him dizzy and sleepy so he drifted off quickly enough._

_The next morning he woke up with an incredible hangover, and a mixture of confusing feelings. He was thinking about the kiss again and again. It had definitely not been a dream. What was going to happen now? Was Sebastian aware of what he was doing? Would he even remember? He knew Sebastian well enough to not get his hopes up about they becoming something more than friends… or could they? Would they? He couldn't help the small rise of hope that was growing inside him but he quickly decided to ignore it when he realized he was alone in the couch. Where had Sebastian gone? Was he already trying to avoid him? Was it going to be weird now between them? Shit, shit, shit._

" _G'morning sleeping beauty" he heard a voice calling from the other side of the living room. It was then he realized Sebastian was lying in the other couch, the smaller one._

" _I thought you'd left…" Trent said before he could stop himself, blushing at the stupidity of his own words._

" _Left? Where? The only reason I'm in this other couch is because you kicked me out of that one…" he said, throwing one of the cushions his way and hitting him right in the face. "…And besides, we're in my house… you genius!" Sebastian teased him._

_They didn't talk about the kiss, at least not that day. Sebastian was his usual self around him, and Trent decided he was going to try and do the same, for his own sake. Whether Sebastian remembered it or not, or if it meant something for him or not was irrelevant, as long as he was still allowed to have him in his life, then everything was going to be ok._

And that was the thing, things would never be ok again. Not after Wednesday and definitely not after today. He decided to get up, he couldn't stay locked in the bathroom all day. He would already be in enough trouble as it was. He had lost track of time but with a glance at his phone he realized he had been crying in the bathroom for almost 2 hours. Shit.

He opened the stall and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked horrible. His eyes were puffy and red, and his face was tear stricken. He splashed some water on his face, thinking it would make him look better, or at least feel better. But all it did was make it worse. He decided he would go to the nurse and fake he had some kind of stomach bug. It wouldn't be hard to believe, with how awful he looked; maybe he would even be allowed to go home early.

As he opened the door and walked out and into the hallway he started thinking about all that had happened that day. It was the first time he had ever cried at Dalton, and that, he realized, just as that sloppy kiss all those months ago, was just another "first" of his that Sebastian probably would never know he took.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song they danced in Sebastian's house is Stutter by Maroon 5.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Same as last chapter, the text in italics represents a flashback.

Sebastian was sitting in class, completely unable to pay attention to whatever the hell the teacher was saying. For one, he had a lot of mixed feelings about what went down at the headmaster's office with his father. This whole thing with the New Directions and Blaine had turned in to a horrible fiasco. He was kicking himself for miscalculating, for allowing things to get out of control. He felt stupid and weak. And now to make things worse, his dad wouldn't let him live it down, especially not after he told his mother about it. He was sure it would be hell on earth when he got back home later that day. Then, on top of everything and after all that he had to deal with, there was the little altercation he had with Trent in the hallway.

Of all people he was trying to avoid, Trent was the first one. Okay, Trent and maybe Blaine, but at least Blaine was miles away in another school and not everyday just inches away from him in the same classroom. He was able to avoid him for everything else except for biology, where they were partners and would have to sit in the same stupid desk probably for the rest of the school year. He still had a strange feeling in his chest after what happened in the hallway, and the things he had said. But he did not want to acknowledge it at all. If he had learned anything from this whole mess is that he was a fool for letting himself trust those guys just to have them turn on him at the last minute. He thought he could make a difference in the pathetic way the Warblers operated; turn them into something decent. Turns out he was wrong. They didn't have what it takes to be truly successful; they weren't determined enough, not like he was. But anyway, on top of all those things, he had a massive headache that just wouldn't budge. Between his hangover and all the stress of this morning, he felt his head was going to explode.

He excused himself with the teacher, asking permission to go to the nurse's office to see if he could get aspirin or something to help with the headache. The teacher didn't think anything of it, probably noticing how tired he looked. He left the classroom and hurried down the stairs. As he was taking the steps down he noticed Trent leaving the nurse's office, so he stopped halfway, hiding himself from view behind one of the columns. Trent looked really bad, his face was all splotchy and he clearly looked like he had been crying, his pale skin flushed and eyes puffy and red. He was surprised when instead of returning to class he saw Trent headed for the exit. He noticed the little yellow paper note he was carrying and figured he had a permit to leave school early. That was weird. He wondered for a minute if something bad had happened to him, or someone on his family, but quickly kicked himself for even caring. As he continued his way down the stairs, it never crossed his mind that maybe Trent had been upset because of what happened earlier with him.

The aspirin the nurse gave him did little to help his headache. He just wanted to go home and rest, which he realized was probably just wishful thinking with all the things he would have to deal with once the school day was over. He still had to figure out a way to get home. There was no way in hell he would take public transportation. He had enough cash in him to call a cab, but he didn't want people noticing he was taking a taxi back home; it would be completely humiliating to him. He just hoped Greg, their family driver, had already collected his car by the time the bell rang. He could probably go to the library and make himself busy while the parking lot emptied and then make the call.

When the last bell of the day rang, he did exactly that. Just took his things and went to the library, figuring he could use the time and his homework so by the time he went home he could deal with his parents and whatever happened then. It wasn't hard to focus on schoolwork now that his headache was gone and so he managed to finish everything for the day; he was glad, that meant he would have the weekend free, and he sure needed some distraction. He was so lost in his thoughts that he lost track of time until his phone buzzed in the table and he picked it up to see his mother's name flashing through the screen.  _Damn._

"Hello, mom..." he said, already a little guarded.

"Sebastian? Where are you? It's almost 5." She said impatiently.

"I uh… stayed in school, had to work on an essay and-"

"It's getting late Sebastian, I need you to come home  _right now_."

He sighed, almost defeated. "Okay, I will."

"Greg is waiting for you outside"

This surprised Sebastian, he didn't expect it at all.

"Hurry up and come home. Your father… he is getting impatient, he really wanted you to take the bus you know? But God knows I won't let no son of mine wander on the streets using public transportation. Even if you deserved the punishment."

He smiled at her words, though the exasperation in her voice was noticeable, and he could tell she wasn't happy with him at all.

"Thanks, I guess."

"Just hurry."

She hung up and Sebastian breathed a heavy sigh as he collected his things in his satchel and proceeded to exit the library. Just as he was getting to the main gate of the school building he caught sight of some of the Warblers coming from down the hall where the choir room was located. He just cast a sideways glance towards them and continued, not missing the way they started whispering among themselves. They didn't usually have Warbler practice on Fridays, but he figured they must be going mad trying to figure out what to do about regionals now that they didn't have him to tell them what to do. He was suddenly deeply thankful that his mother had sent the driver to pick him up, if he would have had to wait outside for his cab the Warblers would have been able to reach him and he was growing tired of their insistence. He had made it clear; he was not interested in being a Warbler anymore.

He spotted Greg quickly enough, waiting for him outside the car, rushing to open the door for him as soon as he noticed him walking towards it. Any other day he would have shrugged him off, telling him how unnecessary the gesture was, as he was more than able to open his own door, but just as he was entering the car he turned his head around and saw the Warblers standing by the gateway, staring at him, and he chuckled to himself smugly.  _Losers._

The drive home was quiet, but just as the car parked in the Smythe home driveway Sebastian could feel the dread growing heavy in his gut. He put his best face on as he opened the front door and sure enough, his mother was waiting for him there. "Follow me" she said, quickly turning on her heels and starting up the stairs where his father's office was located. Any other day he would have been greeted with a small hug and kiss in the cheek, as his mother was usually very affectionate towards him, so by the looks of things the situation was probably going to be worse than he anticipated. He thought he could score a few sympathy points with his mom, since she had sent the driver out to get him instead of following through with his father's wishes of having him walk and take the bus, but apparently that wasn't going to be the case. She entered the office and just walked straight ahead to stand by her husband's side. He was sitting in his desk, still wearing the same expression he did earlier when they met at Dalton with the headmaster. Sebastian slowly entered the room and sat in one of the chairs in front of his father's desk, cautiously looking at both of them without saying a word. He was quiet and expectant, hoping they would quickly say whatever they needed to. He just wanted the whole thing to be over so he could go back to his life and make plans for the weekend.

His father started: "I already told your mother about everything that happened and the things we went over this morning with the headmaster..." His mother just nodded "…And so we discussed the terms of your grounding."

Sebastian blinked incredulously… "Grounding." he said, more an affirmation than a question in itself, spoken in complete and utter disbelief. Were they kidding? He couldn't remember the last time he was grounded. What, was he twelve or something?

"Yes Sebastian, we think you need to be reminded of how important things like good behavior and civility are, you have obviously been taking things for granted young man. And it needs to stop."

He lifted his head and just stared at the ceiling, shaking his head in disbelief, he was trying really hard to hide his annoyance with the whole premise of being grounded, but he was failing. He at least managed to remain silent, internally begging for them to just say the rest and put him out of his misery once and for all.

"Your father already made sure there aren't going to be legal repercussions to your actions, but you need to go to the Anderson's home and apologize for what happened."

Sebastian almost choked on his own breath. No way in hell was he going to do that, especially not if he was being dragged to do so by some pathetic parental penitence.

"That's just not gonna happen." He said, shaking his head. "I won't apologize for something that was  _his_  fault in-"

"God dammit Sebastian!" his mother interrupted, her voice cracking with anger and… was she… crying? Her eyes were full of tears and her face flushed with her anger. He had seen that expression in her eyes before, and he hated it, hated himself for being the one who caused it.

"Don't you see how close this was? What could have happened if the Anderson's decided to press charges? Do you realize everything you could lose? And all because of what? What is it this time Sebastian?"

He couldn't say anything to that. He knew what she was asking about, and no, it wasn't anything like that this time. He was in control, nothing like he used to be back in Paris, but he knew he could never take it back and now that fear would be in the back of his mother's mind every time he managed to fuck up.

"Your allowance will be cut by half…" his father continued, cutting out his mother as she was getting too emotional to express herself properly anymore. "Greg will drive you to and from school and we're having Thomas accompany you everywhere whenever you need to be other places that are neither school nor home, but you are expected to be home before 7pm at the most."

Shit. They were giving him a curfew; and a fucking bodyguard?  _More like a thug nanny._  This was way worse than he expected. The allowance cut he could bare, he had personal savings anyway, but having some idiot tag along with him wherever he went posed an incredible obstacle to his life, particularly his nightlife, and the plans he had already thought of for the weekend. Everything just vanished before his eyes. This sucked. But he couldn't protest, he wasn't stupid, and he knew his dad wouldn't reconsider, given the circumstances. Everything had already been discussed and agreed upon with his mother before he even got home, which meant it was probably irrevocable, and with the anger outburst his father had earlier at Dalton he just didn't want to push his luck any further.

"For how long?" he managed to ask through gritted teeth, staring at the wall, not daring to challenge his father's gaze and risk just making everything worse.

"That is yet to be determined…" his father replied dryly. "It will all depend on how you behave for the first few weeks."

 _The first few weeks? Ugh. Just murder me now._  Sebastian thought to himself.

Everything was bad, just as he expected, yet he realized it was a good thing he was at least still allowed to leave the house, maybe he could bribe Thomas into letting him go to the bar tomorrow night. He started to drift away in his thoughts as he blocked out the rest of his parents' speech, he would just stare at them and their disappointed looks as they went over and over practically the same speech he was given last year while he was living in Paris; about taking things for granted and disappointing them and risking the reputation of their family's name. When he was finally excused, he just went to his room, shut the door behind him and collapsed on the bed, exhausted. How did he end up in this mess? Things had gone from stressful to awful to just ridiculous in one single day. He didn't leave his room for the rest of the evening, even for dinnertime, feeling powerless and angry and not really in the mood to deal with his parents again. It was only hours later, when his stomach was hurting from the hunger pains that he forced himself out of his room and down to the kitchen. That's when he realized his parents weren't even in the house to begin with. They had some charity dinner event, according to Helena, their maid. He felt stupid for skipping dinner in vain, and proceeded to make himself a sandwich, since he was not really hungry enough to eat the proper dinner that was sitting cold in the oven for him.

He ate in the kitchen table in silence, staring into nothingness and lost in his thoughts. He had screwed up big time. When he had first heard about Blaine needing surgery it had been from Santana, and he figured she was just exaggerating things to make him look like a monster and giving the Warblers a massive guilt trip over harming their previous friend and idol. But as it turned out, it was actually true; he had hurt Blaine to the point where he would need surgery in his eye.  _Fuck._  That was really bad and he wished he could just stop replaying that moment in his head over and over again. Blaine's painful screaming even more excruciating now that he realized actual damage had been done. He hated himself, for being stupid and for letting his pride get the best of him, for letting his hatred of Kurt Hummel blind his judgment. He wanted to humiliate him, but not physically hurt him. It wasn't because he didn't find the idea of it appealing, but because he wasn't' an idiot and he knew he wouldn't be able to get away with it. Kurt just irritated him so much, and at the same time made him feel like a failure.

He had wanted Blaine for so long and yet he still chose to stay with Kurt every time. At the beginning that only had made him want him even more, but after weeks had turned into months and nothing really happened between them he had gotten tired of playing that game. He couldn't exactly put a finger over what was it about Blaine that made him so desirable. Sure, he was good looking and had a fantastic ass, as far as he could tell, but there was something more, and it bothered him. It bothered him because he couldn't have him, and that was unusual to him. Also, because whenever he talked to Blaine he could tell he was into him, yet all Blaine managed to do was to lead him on and then as soon as they got too close he would go running back to Kurt. After a while, Sebastian figured out he just loved the attention and what it did to his ego, and he wasn't about to become anyone's puppet. So he had decided to change his strategy and be more aggressive. He had already decided in his mind that he would no longer pursue Blaine, and so slushiying Kurt was only part of the message he was trying to get through to him; that he didn't care about him anymore. He didn't want to get it on with Sebastian? Fine, it was  _his_  loss. He didn't want anything serious with him anyway, and it wasn't like he couldn't get laid elsewhere either. God knows he had already gotten some action a few times while he was pursuing him. And so he planned to sell Blaine out by using the information he had trusted him with, getting him in trouble with the New Directions, and then he would slushy Kurt just for the fun of it. He thought it was a brilliant plan, and that he would be able to walk away with a little personal victory. He looked forward to humiliating Kurt the most, but in the end it had all blown up in his face, and once more, he had lost.

Just remembering the whole thing was making him physically ill. He finished his dinner and went back to his room. Not in the mood for TV or music, he just decided he would distract himself checking his emails and with Facebook or Twitter or something in his phone. There had not been any new status updates from Blaine ever since the slushy incident. He figured he must not be up for being in the computer if he had one eye covered or recovering from surgery. And so he kept hovering over other people's activity, trying to distract himself, but not in the mood for posting anything new in his own. The only thing barely distracting him was checking out all his tagged photos from the night before. Some of the guys from the Lacrosse team had a small get together thing a few blocks away from Sebastian's own home, and they had gotten completely wasted. It had actually been fun, and the distraction Sebastian needed in that moment, even though he wasn't able to make out with anyone, as he was apparently the only one who was gay in the team, or at least the only one willing to admit it. After browsing for a while and not really doing anything he noticed his main feed notifications. Friends with birthdays this week: And there was the smiling face of Trent.

No, he wasn't really in the mood for thinking about Trent right now. He just wished he could turn back time and not let himself get so close to him in the first place. He wasn't really the type of person to look into having close friendships, he had learned them to only become vulnerabilities and with his father's job and their constant moves across the country or even the continent, he ended up having to leave his friends behind time and time again. Yet there was something about Trent that had made him put his guard down. And now that was one of the things he regretted the most, because while he didn't expect much from the rest of the guys in the Warblers, he had actually trusted Trent as a friend, and now he felt betrayed by him. Sebastian didn't want to admit it, but what happened didn't just wound his pride, it had actually hurt his feelings too.

Ever since what happened on Wednesday, he felt a strange feeling in his chest when he thought about Trent, and so he decided the solution was to get as far away from him as possible. It wasn't that he didn't want to take part in the singing competitions anymore; he actually loved performing, and he knew he was good at it. Also, he didn't care if the Warblers hated him or loved him or feared him, as long as they did what he wanted. But deep down he knew being a Warbler was something that would always hold a close connection to his friendship with Trent. After all, he was the reason Sebastian joined the Warblers in the first place.

_They were sitting in the study room, bored to death. They had been working on their biology project, about regeneration in sponges, paramecia and planarian. They were nowhere near finished with the report, but they had decided to take a little break and now couldn't bring themselves to get up. Trent was lying in the reclining chair, with his feet up in the air, and Sebastian was lying on the carpet, staring at the ceiling._

" _What would you rather be doing right now?"_

" _Anything"_

" _No but, I mean… There must be something in particular. Something you love to do?"_

" _Trust me. You don't want to know…" – Sebastian said, chuckling mischievously._

" _Be serious…" – Trent replied; grabbing the small paper airplane he had in his hands, quickly turning it into a ball and tossing it at Sebastian._

" _Whoa, your aim sucks!" – Sebastian said, mocking him, as the small paper ball had bounced on the floor, completely missing him._

_Trent said nothing, just flopped back on the chair and stared at the ceiling, clearly thinking that he wasn't being taken seriously and giving up on the conversation. And while it was true that Sebastian would rather be somewhere else doing something more exciting like hooking up with a good looking guy, there were also other things he found enjoyable and relaxing, one of them was just laying in the floor staring at the ceiling, like he was at the moment, but he also enjoyed playing music. And so he got up, and went to the other side of the room to pick up his guitar. Trent quickly looked up, eyeing him with suspicion as Sebastian sat in the chair across from him and started arranging the chords. Soon he started playing, and singing:_

_So high tonight and I don't feel like coming down_

_I could lie to you all my days, but you're the one_

_You're the one_

_And I'm a fool for waiting so long to let you know_

_Come around, come around, come around to me._

_There's something in between you and I_

_Come around, come around to me_

_You feel like breathing_

_Come around, come around, come around to me_

_He continued singing, losing himself in the song and only occasionally glancing up to see the amazed look on Trent's face. He just smiled to himself, and continued. Playing and singing was something he did mostly for himself these days, music kept him company in lonely nights when it was just him and his big old house._

_Like sunlight won't you come and lay a ray down_

_You're the one_

_I could run, I could run for the life of me_

_But where would that get me, where would that lead_

_And I'm a fool for waiting so long_

_Please come around, come around, come around, come around to me_

_There's something in between you and I_

_Come around, come around, come around to me_

_You feel like breathing_

_Come around, come around, come around come around to me_

_He continued to sing and suddenly he realized Trent was singing along, albeit quietly and his voice was so low it was barely perceivable. When Trent's gaze found his' he just stared at him and winked, smiling to himself as he saw Trent blushing, his white cheeks turning a little pink, and he couldn't help but find it endearing._

" _What?" Sebastian asked when he finished the song, staring at Trent who still had a surprised look on his face._

" _Nothing… I just wasn't expecting that at all. You're really good!"_

" _Yeah, well I just really like this song"_

" _Is it because if reminds you of someone?" Trent asked, a little sheepish and Sebastian could see the hesitance in his features as he completed his sentence "Maybe a girlfriend you left behind in Paris or something?"_

_Sebastian laughed out loud then, throwing his head back and holding on to his guitar as he laughed. Trent's eyes widened, the blush on his cheeks coming back with a vengeance, and his face was almost a dark red now._

" _Um, no… definitely not a girlfriend." He said between giggles and he just stared at Trent, still laughing and shaking his head in disbelief. His eyes were beginning to tear up a bit; he just couldn't believe Trent was so oblivious._

" _What?"_

" _I've never had a girlfriend, Trent."_

_Trent just narrowed his eyes._

" _I'm serious..."_

_Trent then rolled his eyes and huffed, clearly thinking Sebastian was just messing with him at this point._

" _Well I'm sorry to disappoint but I don't do relationships, and especially not with girls…" At those last words, Trent just frowned in confusion, staring at Sebastian with incredulous eyes, his mouth half opened, like he was trying to form words but not managing to get anything out._

" _I'm gay. Trent." Sebastian said, amusing himself with the completely dumbstruck look on his face._

" _You're gay?"_

" _Yes… Is that a problem?"_

" _What? No! No, why would it… I mean… I just, I didn't know."_

" _Well, you never asked." Sebastian replied nonchalantly, giving Trent his best flirty smirk. "Don't tell me you've never met anyone who's gay before. I mean, you've been at Dalton for what? 3 years now?"_

_It was actually hilarious and endearing to see the look in Trent's face at Sebastian's words. He was having a field day just prodding him for reactions. "Hah… No, um. I'm… I am actually gay too." He said sheepishly, yet not able to hide his smile anymore._

" _Well aren't you full of surprises?" Sebastian lied, he figured Trent was probably gay, but he had learned not to make assumptions about people, specially not when it came to their sexuality. He knew from experience it gave him a little satisfaction when when people didn't suspect he was gay, so he figured lying about it would make Trent feel good too, and If the smile on his face was any indication, he had succeeded. He liked Trent; he was fun to be around in a refreshing kind of way._

" _I like to sing too… you know?" Trent continued, all shy smiles and hopeful eyes, clearly trying to change the subject of the conversation and lighten things up. "I'm in the Warblers, the choir group at Dalton, you should totally join Sebastian. We could really use someone like you this year."_

_Soon they started talking about the Warblers and all the things Trent had experienced with them through his years at Dalton, and all the awkwardness Trent was showing about their earlier discussion was long gone. He seemed to be really fond of the Warblers, and was really insistent that Sebastian should audition to join. He was hesitant, because he already had joined the Lacrosse team and was also involved in the student council, but he figured if anything his parents would be pleased that he put his singing and dancing skills to good use again. He had always been a little bit of an over achiever, and his parents just thrived on pushing him to be the very best he could be. They had paid music lessons for him since he was very young, he could play guitar, piano and violin. He also had a vocal coach and dance lessons when he was in junior high. So he knew if he joined the Warblers they would never be satisfied with him only singing backup for some random soloist. He would want to be in the position where he could be the center of attention and show everything he got. So when Trent told him the story about how they had lost Blaine Anderson, their former lead singer and how they didn't really have anyone who could fill his shoes now, he knew he was the man for the job._

_It had been a fun ride. Ever since his audition he had worked his way up to influence the way the council made decisions about how the Warblers operated. After a bit of protests and incredulity, they gave in, and when following his advice and letting him be in charge of the songs and choreography had given them a hands down victory at sectionals, no one had protested when he was named captain of the Warblers. He was talented and strong willed, so they had been glad to let him take the wheel and lead the way. It also didn't hurt that the Warblers were popular at Dalton, so being captain only added to his already rising popularity. It was awesome._

Now as he lay in his bed reminiscing on all these things he couldn't help but feel a little angry at having all his hard work practically go to waste. After how things had turned out, he had nothing but bittersweet memories of it all. He just hoped Trent would stop insisting on fixing things with him, especially after what happened earlier at school. Usually he wouldn't think twice about insulting people and telling them off, it came as second nature to him, yet he couldn't stop thinking about the look on Trent's face as he walked away from him in the hallway.

_You're pathetic, stop wasting my time._

Well, everyone already knew what an asshole Sebastian could be, so Trent was probably just late to join the rest of the world in their common knowledge. Being rude is what he did best, apparently. Maybe he even made enemies easier than he made friends, but he couldn't bring himself to care, or at least that was what he kept telling himself. Though if he really didn't care then why couldn't he stop thinking about it? It was exhausting, and boring. He was doomed to stay home for the weekend, grounded, and if he didn't stop torturing himself with his own thoughts he was going to go crazy. So he decided to change out of his uniform and try to get some sleep. After a couple of more restless minutes, he was able to sleep.

The next morning he was awoken when he felt his bed shift with the weight of someone sitting next to him. When he felt a soft touch on his shoulder he knew it was his mother.

"Sebastian…"

He wondered if he could feign sleep convincingly enough for her to go away, but quickly realized that wasn't going to happen when he she started gently shaking his shoulder, urging him to wake up.

"Ugh, what?" he groaned, his voice muffled against his pillow.

"We're going to the country club for brunch."

No. He did  _not_  want anything to do with life outside his room today, especially not this early, and especially not if it had anything to do with his parents.

"Mmph… no, mom… I think I'll pass…" he replied, pulling his covers back up and hiding his face further into the pillows.

"Sebastian, honey…" his mom started, apparently her anger from yesterday had already dissipated enough for her usual terms of endearment towards him to come back.

"You can't stay in bed all day. You should come with us…" she hesitated for a few seconds before continuing, "…your father wants to talk to you."

That startled Sebastian… "About what?" he turned around and slowly propped himself up on his elbows so he could look at her and figure out what she was talking about. He could tell something was up when he saw the expression in her face was a mixture of love, sadness and maybe even worry.

"Didn't he say enough yesterday?" Sebastian asked again, clearly skeptical about why she was insisting he went with them to the country club when usually they would have no problem going by themselves and leaving him to do whatever he wanted.

She sighed heavily, and looked at him, hesitating, as if she didn't really know if she should say something or not, but then said: "He heard you quit the Warblers..." And that's all Sebastian needed to hear in order to know  _exactly why_  his father wanted to talk to him, preferably in a public place, and over a delicious meal. He rolled his eyes and collapsed back onto his bed, feeling defeated. He had been so relieved when that hadn't come up while his father had been at Dalton yesterday, and figured he could maybe get away with just not saying anything about it. It wasn't like his parents could go and see him at his competitions anyway, with how busy they always seemed to be. How did he even find out? His mother must have sensed he was wondering about that and so she continued: "The Thompsons were at the Charity dinner last night, and they got talking. Apparently David told them he is very worried because there's a big competition coming up?"

And in that moment, if Sebastian thought he couldn't get angrier at David and Trent and all those losers then oh boy had he been wrong. He felt a pang of hot rage bubble up inside him and he reached to put his hands over his head, feeling like ripping his hair out for lack of a better outlet. Before he could say anything though, his bedroom door cracked open… "We're leaving in 15 minutes, I'll be waiting downstairs." His father said before closing the door again.

Yes, his weekend was going to suck.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Sebastian played in this chapter is Come Around, by Rosi Golan, acoustic version of course. You should check it out cause it is so amazing ;_;


	4. Chapter 4

When Trent got home early on Friday he was outside for almost 20 minutes just sitting in his car. He'd gotten there and yet he couldn't bring himself to go inside. Not until he decided what he was going to do. He was debating whether he should keep up the farce about being sick now that he was already here, away from school and from Sebastian, or if he should just come clean to his mom and tell her about what happened. He was undecided mostly because he knew how much his mom worried about him and was pondering in which of both cases would she be worse in being all over him. He didn't really feel like talking about what was going on with his mom, since he felt he couldn't be completely honest with her, but the alternative of having to take medicine when he wasn't actually ill made him a little queasy. He didn't have much more time to make up his mind because before he could decide he heard a knock on his car window and turned to see his mother staring at him from the other side with a worried look on her face. She pulled him into a tight hug as soon as he stepped out of the car, only pulling back to gently kiss his cheek and then hold his face between her palms, inspecting his face with concern on her own. In that moment he felt like the worse person in the entire universe. He loved his mom, and he didn't want to lie to her. She quickly walked him inside and commenced with the interrogation Trent was dreading so much.

"Mom, it's really not that bad… I think I just need to sleep for a bit, and it will be fine."

"Oh honey the nurse told me you missed nearly 2 hours of class because of this… we're going to the doctor as soon as your father gets here." She said as she turned around in the kitchen, preparing some kind of tea for him to drink. "It could be something serious and we can't risk to just overlook it."

Trent had told the nurse he had freaking  _diarrhea_ , figuring it would sound bad enough for them to let him leave, but now that he was home it wasn't like he could fake it, and especially not when his mom started going on about a trip to the doctor and running tests. He knew he was going to make them go for nothing, because for whichever lab tests they ran they would need samples and he definitely couldn't fake  _those_.

He knew he didn't have a choice; he would have to come clean, so if his parents got mad at him at least he didn't make them waste money on top of lying to them about being sick.

"Mom, if I tell you something do you promise not to get mad?"

His mom gave him a confused look, and put her hand over his. "Honey you know you can tell me anything."

"It's just…" He hesitated, looking down at their linked hands, and then looking up to meet his mother's eyes "I'm not… I'm not really sick mom, not like I told the nurse… I just, didn't want to be at school anymore mom." He sighed deeply… "Nothing really happened, I mean… it's complicated but, I just needed to leave."

His mom just looked puzzled, "Honey did something bad happen? Did anyone hurt you?"

"No mom, it wasn't like that. I just… I don't know how to explain. I was not feeling well, that's true, but it wasn't because I was sick. I was just… overwhelmed I guess."

"Is someone bullying you, honey? Because you know you can tell me and I will go there and give those people a piece of my mind!" He could see her maternal instinct taking over, she was ready to grab the phone and yell at whomever was responsible, his mother was a very intense woman and he loved her for it.

"No, mom I promise you it's nothing like that, please believe me."

She just looked at him with sad eyes and such concern in her face that it was making Trent's heart ache with guilt. "There's something you're not telling me. Please baby tell me what happened… I want to help you please don't keep this from me."

Trent sighed deeply and looked at the ceiling, debating internally. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't make anything up right there on the spot; he was too tired. And his mom seemed to be even more worried now than she was a few minutes ago when she thought he was sick and needed to take him to the doctor.

"I just don't know how to explain." He said, looking uncertain and nervous in spite of his best efforts to keep it together.

"It can stay between the two of us you know? If you don't want to tell your father… we don't have to." She said, quietly and hesitantly. Trent looked up right then and he could see in her eyes that she was opening a door for him right there. For a moment he panicked, because he didn't quite know if he was ready to let her mom know about everything. He knew his mother loved him, but he was just so tired and confused, so in that moment, he gave up. He decided he was coming clean.

"It was… it's about Sebastian..." He sighed, his mom knew Sebastian well enough. He spent a lot of time with him and he had come over to their house a couple of times as well. He had been nothing but charming to her and he didn't really want to paint him in a bad light, even after everything. So Trent went over the generalities of what had happened on Wednesday and how Sebastian had quit the Warblers and how now he wasn't talking to him. He told her about all his regrets and the things he wished he could do to fix things. He managed to leave the details of the slushy incident out, but it was clear that the thing he was most upset about was not the situation with the Warblers but the fact that his friendship with Sebastian had practically ended.

"You really like him… don't you?" she said, rubbing his hand with her thumb and giving it a light squeeze. Trent blushed, and just smiled shyly, gaze focused on their hands and not quite knowing how to respond.

"Have you ever told him how you feel?" she asked, tentatively; and Trent felt his face getting hotter by the minute. He couldn't quite figure out what she actually meant by that, so he just stared at her, willing her to make her point because this sounded too much like a conversation he wasn't sure he was ready to have. He was still feeling insecure about the whole situation and decided to try and see if he could test the waters for what his mom actually meant. "It's not like that, mom. We're just friends... or at least we used to be." He said, looking down again and not quite able to hold his mother's gaze.

"I've seen the way you look at him, Trent…" His mom continued, "Your face lights up whenever he comes over, or even when you're just talking about him." She gave him a small smile, her hands never leaving his, and her voice full of love and understanding and Trent was feeling dizzy with all the emotions going through him at the moment. He let out a small choked laugh, feeling a little overwhelmed with their whole conversation and what it meant.

"Um... I don't think Sebastian feels the same way about me though."

"But you don't know for sure." She said, trying to find his gaze again.

Now it was definitely clear that his mom was talking about them in a romantic manner. It was obvious that  _she knew_ , and they were having a conversation about it just like any other random thing when he hadn't even officially come out to her yet. How was this happening? He was shocked, and didn't quite know what to say.

"I mean, if he means so much to you. And you're friends… I'm pretty sure he must be hurting too. Don't you think?"

In that moment Sebastian's words came to his mind again:  _You fucking stabbed me in the back._  He didn't think Sebastian felt the same way he did about him, but even if there was a small chance that he did, now it was gone, because Sebastian didn't want anything to do with him anymore.

"Well… he made it pretty clear that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore." He said, half shrugging with a resigned huff.

"Look honey, I'm going to tell you something that is going to help you a lot in situations like these…" And suddenly Trent was worried as to what his mother could possibly know about this situation and how to handle it.

"Everyone reacts differently to things, and when the heart is involved, it's even worse. Some people show their feelings, others hide them away, some lash out when they're hurt, but others bottle everything inside, we are all different…"

And yes, Sebastian definitely seemed like he was lashing out, and if he felt anything else then he was doing a damn good job hiding it.

"But I  _will_ tell you something, and you better listen…" She put one of her hands in his cheek, giving him a gentle caress and then holding his shoulder steady as she looked deep into his eyes "You are amazing, Trent. You are loving and kind, and beautiful and any boy should feel lucky to be able to have you." Trent just took a deep breath and held it in as he squeezed his lips into a tight smile, trying hard not to cry, though he could feel the tears coming at the tenderness of his mother's words.

"Honey you can't let anyone treat you badly. Not  _anyone_. If Sebastian is not the boy for you… then it's okay, because you  _will_  find someone else… Don't torture yourself over a mistake. If you tried to apologize and he doesn't want to talk to you then it will be  _his_  loss."

He leaned to her and put his head in the crook of her neck, pulling her into a hug. He felt so loved and relieved and he couldn't believe everything that was happening just now. His mother was giving him advice, relationship advice, for a boy. How did this happen? How did she know? There were so many things going through his mind but he felt happy and couldn't stop the tears from falling, only this time they were happy tears.

His mom kissed his head and wiped the tears from his eyes and also from her own. She kept smiling the whole time and Trent already felt lighter, like he was no longer carrying the heavy burden of making his true self a secret.

"Thanks mom" he managed to say, his voice still heavy with all the emotions.

"You know you can count on me honey, always."

Trent still felt a little bit of curiosity, because until today he thought his parents didn't even suspect he was gay, but if his mom had figured it out, he wanted to know if his father did too. He didn't want to let this moment pass without asking, it was too important to him to know if he could share this with his dad the same way he did with his mom. So he took a deep breath and asked: "M-mom… how did you... I mean, does dad know? I mean, about me? About this?" He stumbled over his own words, but by the look his mother gave him he knew she had understood what he was asking about. He just really needed to know.

"I don't think he knows, no. But we can tell him together whenever you're ready." She smiled and held his hand with both of hers. "I don't think he is going to have a problem with it, if that's what you're worried about honey."

And he did worry a bit, but at least now he knew his mother was on his side. And that was better than anything he ever expected. So he would think about a way to tell his dad, but not today. It had been enough of an emotional turmoil as it was, and he just really wanted to rest. He excused himself and went up to his room, after finishing the tea his mom had made for him. As soon as his head touched his pillow he fell into a peaceful slumber, feeling happy and content after what had started as a very stressful day.

He woke up later that evening after an hours long nap, which he desperately needed, feeling rested and much better. After having something to eat and making a few calls to Nick and Jeff to reassure them he was okay, that it was really just a stomach bug what had made him leave early, he decided he was going to have a relaxing weekend. He still couldn't help thinking about Sebastian, but now it was slightly different. Thanks to the talk with his mom earlier, he had a new perspective on things. He was going to take those two days to recover from his emotional wounds and return on Monday with his chin up and ready to move on. He was going to take his mother's advice and be strong. Besides, his birthday was on Tuesday, and he would not have anything ruin his day for him.

Monday came soon enough and Trent couldn't help but feel a little bit nervous, again. He hated that he still felt his stomach knot up at the thought of having to see Sebastian at school. But he was feeling slightly different, this time he was determined. And so he decided to drive to school blasting his iPod with his favorite music and set his mind to have a positive attitude. He even left his house a few minutes earlier than usual just to make sure he would get to school in time to score one of the front seats in class. He figured he would sit in the front row so the temptation of looking at Sebastian during class wouldn't be there. They had a few classes together today, and he was determined to not look at him, or talk to him if he could help it.  _Operation avoid Sebastian Smythe at all costs was officially on!_

Once he entered the Dalton parking lot he realized there was only one space left in his usual parking area by the trees, and so he quickly proceeded to park his car there. The music was still on even after he killed the engine and he was still humming through "Marchin On" as he gathered his things to leave his car. He was in a great mood, but just as he grabbed his bag from the passenger seat and looked out his window all his determination was blown to hell. There he saw Sebastian, who was resting over the hood of the car he parked next to, doing nothing. He felt his stomach drop and quickly looked away, hurrying to grab his things and just  _get out, get out._  Once he had everything in hand he took a deep breath and opened his door, he was trying hard not to look at Sebastian, in case he noticed it had been Trent who parked beside the car he was resting over, but it didn't seem to be the case, as he had his back turned to him. So Trent quickly shut his door and started walking towards the main building, completely ignoring Sebastian, who definitely had had to see him as he walked across the lot and into the school. From the corner of his eye Trent noticed Sebastian was actually with someone, though they didn't really seem to be talking or anything, they were just resting over the hood of the car apparently waiting for the bell to ring. It must have been one of his friends from the Lacrosse team, as Trent didn't really know him. Not that it mattered anyway; he was not going to think about Sebastian today, not if he could help it. Once he was inside he quickly got to his first class and was glad to find a perfect seat in the front row. This position would be perfect for his plan, he would be able to pay attention and completely disregard the rest of the people in the room. Trent could feel like his morning was already picking up.

When the first class finished Trent lingered for a while in his desk, eyes still looking to the front, making time for the students to start leaving the classroom. He figured if Sebastian was there he would already be gone by the time he finally got up from his desk and turned around to exit the room. After waiting for a few minutes he finally got up and turned to leave, and that's when he noticed Sebastian was in fact still in the classroom, standing by the door and staring right at him. He was caught completely off guard and hated the fact that he quickly broke eye contact, focusing on rearranging his bag strap over his shoulder instead. Sebastian didn't do any better apparently, because he had quickly done the same and turned to exit the room. Trent could feel his heart racing. Why was Sebastian standing there staring at him? There was something in his eyes he could not quite read in that small second where they made eye contact, but then again it would not be the first time that happened to him in regards to Sebastian. He was just a mystery to him in so many ways. Trent removed himself from his thoughts and rushed to the exit headed to his next class. His mission to stop thinking about Sebastian was failing miserably so far. He hated himself for it, but was glad he didn't have the next class with him, so he probably wouldn't see him until after 4th period.

After their morning recess he decided to head up to class, crossing his fingers and hoping that he would find a seat in the front this time as well. He felt relieved when he got there and in fact the entire front row was empty. It would have been awesome, if it weren't for the fact that Sebastian ended up seating merely 2 desks away from him. This he knew of course because he heard his voice while he was talking to someone, but he didn't dare to turn around. He couldn't risk meeting his gaze again. During class it was as he could feel Sebastian's gaze burning holes in the back of his head. It probably was only his imagination though, but having him so close, and yet so far away unnerved him. Fortunately for Trent, this time when he finally got up to leave, Sebastian was already gone.

As he was leaving his last class of the day he ran into Nick in the hallway, it was nice to have someone to talk to as he walked down the hallway and to the common room.

"Hey man how was your weekend? Are you all better now?"

"Yes Nick, I told you it was nothing. I was fine the entire weekend, great actually."

"Cool. Are you staying today for Warbler practice? I heard Jeff and Jon were working on a number they wanted to show us." Nick said, eyeing Trent curiously. Trent just nodded, and Nick must have sensed his hesitation because he quickly added: "Probably the guys will want to finish early though, since some of them have last minute shopping they want to do for tomorrow…"

"Right..." Trent said, smile faltering a bit. If there was anything worse than having your birthday be on Valentine's Day, it was to on top of it be actually single. It didn't use to bother him as much, but as he got older, his friends started getting love interests, and so it wasn't as easy as when he was younger and Valentine's Day was just some random holiday. Now it was kind of difficult to make plans with his friends for his birthday because most of them had significant others who they wanted to spend the day with. Even Trent himself had managed to get a little excited with the whole idea of romance and Valentine's Day for this year; before everything that happened last week, that is. Sebastian wasn't one to celebrate Valentine's Day, he found the whole thing to be a joke and only a pathetic device of consumerism, so he found the fact that Trent's birthday was the same day to be the best thing ever.  _"Something actually worth celebrating"_  he had said. But that wasn't going to be the case anymore, now was it? It was unlikely that Sebastian would even acknowledge him tomorrow. They hadn't really made plans for the day anyway, they had only barely talked about the possibility of catching a movie with a couple of other friends who didn't have plans or something, but after everything that happened the subject of his birthday was completely forgotten. He was probably going to spend a quiet one with his parents and sister, who never failed to buy him nice presents and share a delicious cake his mother would bake herself. Come to think of it, he was actually looking forward to it; he figured that's exactly what he needed at the moment, to just spend time with his family and relax.

As they got closer into the common room they could hear what seemed like a heated discussion between the Warblers. They picked up the pace so they could figure out what was going on.

"Look I only know what I just told you guys, he didn't say anything else! Alright?" Thad said, looking quite exasperated. The rest of the guys were standing around him in a semi circle, some had their arms crossed over their chests, others were shaking their heads in confusion and Trent had no idea what was going on.

"What are you guys talking about?" Nick asked promptly, before Trent could ask the question himself.

"Thad here…" Jon started, "says Sebastian is miraculously back in the Warblers… just like that!"

"Are you serious?" Trent said, completely dumbfounded.

"Whoa that's… great! I mean… but h-how did that even happen? I thought he didn't want anything to do with this anymore." Nick said, looking at Thad and Jon for answers. Thad just rolled his eyes and looked up, clearly tired of trying to explain what Nick and Trent had yet to hear.

"I don't know…" Thad said, shrugging.

"What do you mean you don't know? What did he say?" Nick asked. And Trent was just standing there, staring at Thad, willing him to please explain because quite frankly things weren't making any sense whatsoever. Trent was even a little worried. He was sure Sebastian had his mind set to never return to the Warblers, it didn't make sense for him to just return after a quitting a few days before. Something about this whole situation was way off and he knew it.

"Well if he is back then why isn't he here? He knows we have rehearsal today now doesn't he?" Trent said, not quite able to hide the annoyance in his voice and clearly skeptical about the whole situation. He felt really uneasy just thinking about it, after everything that happened and all the soul searching he did over the weekend he just didn't feel the same about anything anymore.

"Well, he just said he had something to take care of first." Thad said.

"I have a theory..." Said David, who was resting against one of the couches behind the guys "… but I can't be sure."

They all turned and looked at him with expectant eyes, so David continued: "My dad told me he ran into Sebastian's parents at some dinner party last week… and they talked about him. Apparently Sebastian's parents didn't know he wasn't a Warbler anymore."

Trent felt like his stomach dropped to his knees.

"He didn't tell me much but he did mention his dad was not very happy about it. So, maybe they talked to him about it? Made him reconsider?"

"Yes! Maybe his parents talked to him and convinced him!" Jeff said with a bright smile, like that explained everything and all things would go back to normal. But Trent knew better. He knew a little bit about the mechanics of Sebastian's relationship with his parents, especially his dad. And he knew they got along just fine as long as Sebastian was getting good grades and excelling in his extra-curriculars. Everything would be fine as long as he made them proud, but the second he let something slip his dad would go on him like he was lazy and ungrateful and an embarrassment to them. He had seen it happen a few times and figured if Sebastian's parents had anything to do with his return to the Warblers then things couldn't be good. That was not the way Sebastian acted, he did not let people push him around, or guilt him into doing things. If he had his mind set to something there was no changing it, unless of course there was something in it for him, and at this moment that thought was terrifying because if Trent had learned anything from his interactions with Sebastian last week was that he absolutely despised them.  _Despised him_. And he didn't know if he wanted Sebastian back in the Warblers anymore, especially if it was as suspicious as this.

After listening to everybody speculate for a few more minutes about what exactly was that prompted Sebastian to come back to the Warblers, Jon and Jeff decided to show the rest of the guys their idea for a Regionals number. It was a fun song and they would have to figure out the details of the choreography in just a week and a half but Trent couldn't make himself care enough to really participate in the discussion of the whole thing. Besides, if Sebastian was back in the mix they would probably have to run their song choice by him and he was so unpredictable that really they were probably working in vain.

Barely an hour later everyone said their goodbyes and started to leave. As it was expected, they all had plans and errands to run for their big dates tomorrow, so Trent figured he should just go home and let things be. Sebastian wasn't going to come back so they probably wouldn't see him until the next day. It was useless to worry, he knew that, but it didn't mean he wouldn't beat himself up thinking about things over and over again. He couldn't help it, no matter how hard he tried. How was he going to keep his resolve of moving on from Sebastian if he was back on the team? Things would be extremely awkward and uncomfortable between them after everything that happened last week.

He tried to clear his head of all the uncertainty of his thoughts as he drove back home, but things didn't really get any better for him once he got there and decided to check his Facebook updates. There was nothing new from Sebastian, not since the photos he was tagged in from the party he apparently had attended on Thursday night, so he just kind of scrolled around until something got his attention.

" _I've always liked to think there's goodness in everyone but certain PEOPLE make me realize that is not the case. Some people are just evil."_

It was a status update from Kurt Hummel, and then there were 5 comments under it, from a few of his friends, but he could only recognize Rachel Berry, who had commented: _"Don't worry Kurt, we are not going to let him win. No matter how clever he thinks he is! You'll see!"_

 _Him._  Was she talking about Sebastian? Kurt had not made any public comments about the slushy incident or anything. He had posted a few melancholic status updates about missing his boyfriend at school, and flooded Blaine's wall with romantic messages and wishes for good luck with his surgery. But apart from that, he hadn't posted anything even remotely passive aggressive. Trent figured it was probably because he had some of the Warblers as Facebook friends from the time he went to Dalton. But Rachel Berry and the rest of the New Directions weren't friends with Sebastian on Facebook, only Blaine was, as far as Trent could tell. So he figured Kurt must be really upset if he would post something like that, and by the comment posted by Rachel he knew it definitely had to be about Sebastian. Had he done something else to piss them off? Suddenly Trent remembered Thad talking about how Sebastian was "taking care of something" and he instantly connected the dots. This couldn't be good news.

He was fighting the urge to pick up the phone, call Sebastian and demand to know what the hell he had done. But he knew he couldn't do that, not anymore. He would just have to wait until the next day and see if Sebastian would tell them himself. There was nothing he could do, and any hope he had left that  _Sebastian drama_  wouldn't ruin his birthday just vanished.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you can tell I'm playing a bit with the times and happenings of some of the stuff from canon but it's just what I need to do for this story to happen. Also, Trent has to share my curse of having his birthday be on a holiday, sorry baby!


	5. Chapter 5

It was 4:30 in the morning and his alarm didn't have to go off for 2 more hours, but there he was, wide-awake. There was something eerily unsettling about being the only person awake in his house at this hour; there was no noise, no movement, nothing. It should be peaceful, yet he was restless. He wanted to sleep, he really did, but yet he couldn't. It had been difficult enough to fall asleep in the first place, and now he couldn't manage to stay asleep until it was actually time to get up and ready for school. He was frustrated.

There were so many things that had suddenly changed in his life right now, and he hated it. He liked control, carefully planning out everything and have things turn out his way made him feel safe. He tried to control everything, from his own actions to what people thought of him. He didn't realize how much he appreciated that control until he started losing it. He thought things were bad, but it seemed like they were getting worse by the minute. The most he could do at this point was some sort of damage control where he would try his hardest to make it so people didn't realize just how bad it was.

First, he had quit the Warblers before they had the chance to kick him out, or worse, give him some sort of pathetic pep talk about Warbler tradition, good sportsmanship and camaraderie. That was just not going to happen. Quitting would at least help him get some control back, making it his choice to leave. He figured they probably didn't want him in there anymore, so he made the move before they had the chance to do it themselves.

It was kind of what had happened with Blaine as well. When he realized he wasn't really getting anywhere with him, Sebastian had decided he would get his point across by being a bit of an asshole to him before Blaine had the chance to really turn him down. Because while he hadn't given into any of his advances, he had never flat out rejected him, and so doing what he planned would help him get out of the game while salvaging his ego. It would make it  _his_ choice to not have anything with Blaine. Turns out it all backfired on him but he guessed at least his main message had been understood.

He wanted Blaine to know he wasn't interested in him anymore, that he just didn't care, and sure, that much was obvious now. But he hadn't wanted Blaine to hate him, which was most likely what happened now. He was surprised that Blaine still hadn't removed him from his Facebook friends, but maybe it was just a matter of time. He wondered if maybe he should do it first; unfriend him there and block him on Skype, cut the ties before Blaine did. Yet he couldn't bring himself to do it. There was a part of him that was concerned, and wanted to know if he was going to be okay. He would never admit it to himself or to anyone else, but he regretted the things that had happened that day. He wished he could turn back time and just not bother with his stupid rivalry with Kurt over Blaine, and with The Warblers and the New Directions, he wished that Blaine hadn't gotten in the way of that slushy, but more than anything, Sebastian wished he could stop feeling like shit about the whole thing. He didn't want to care, he didn't want to worry… he didn't want to  _feel_.

If there was something that was always out of his control it was his feelings, and that's why he always kept them in check. Always playing the game, never getting too involved. He didn't like to get feelings involved when it came to guys and even friends, he knew it only brought on disappointment and opportunity for weakness and pain.

Then of course there were his parents. They thought they had him in-check, but he knew better. He played the well-behaved son role pretty well. He tried his best to give them as little excuses to mess with him as possible. He valued his liberties very much, and having them be pretty absent from his life gave him a lot of them. He was free to come and go and they barely asked where he was. Granted they were barely home to begin with, but as long as he was getting good grades and managing to be discreet on his escapades, then it was all good. He had never had an incident where his parents had to be called into school before, so it had been a shocker. And sure, they could ground him and restrict his privileges but they would never really get him to do what they wanted, not really.

So when his dad sat him down on the Country Club to talk to him, he knew he couldn't give in. He would not have his dad push him around and make him do something he didn't want to, especially since he had just quit. How pathetic would it be to have him crawling back for the Warblers to take him in again just because his dad was making him do it?

However, what he didn't expect was his dad to be so invested in his returning to the Warblers. After much talking and prodding and not really getting his way, Sebastian's father had become quite irate.

Sebastian had flat out refused to return to the Warblers, no matter how many times his father had insisted. He even felt a little bad for his mom, because she was trapped playing referee between the both of them as they argued back and forth on the table at the Country Club, raising their voices on occasion, and even smacking the plates over the table as they ate.

His father was trying to make him feel like a failure and a disgrace  _"Smythe men are not quitters or losers, Sebastian…"_  But by that time Sebastian was just over hearing him say those kinds of things. He couldn't care less what his father thought of him really, he just wanted to be left alone. Being grounded was preferable over being humiliated; he would rather never have his car back than be forced to apologize. He played it as nonchalant as possible, and after hours of not getting anywhere, his father had been become extremely frustrated, and apparently also desperate. Because only then did he finally said it: He actually  _needed_ Sebastian to go back to the Warblers not just on principle, but because he had something in for it as well.

As it turns out, the wife of one of his business associates had been invited to be one of the judges in the event, and Howard Smythe, never missing the chance to brag, had not failed to speak wonders about his talented son being captain of one of the groups that were going to perform, setting quite the high expectation on the other man. So having Sebastian be absent from the performance for no apparent reason would have him deeply embarrassed. And well, that changed things considerably, because now Sebastian had an opportunity to turn things in his favor. If he had learned anything from his father, it was to negotiate. He had a way with words that could get him almost anything he wanted. His good looks certainly helped, and so in spite of the uncomfortable situation he found himself in that Saturday morning at the Country Club, Sebastian had found a way of getting something out of it.

After much arguing, table smashing, and much to his father's dismay, Sebastian managed to change the conversation to his favor and proposed they made a deal. He would give him what he wanted, in exchange for the modifying of some of the terms of his grounding.

Of everything they had punished him with, the bodyguard/nanny was what bothered him the most. He would get his car back eventually, having a driver wasn't so bad, and the curfew he could bend, since most nights his parents were out or wouldn't really notice, he could even sneak out and pull it off, but having some guy tag along with him limited his freedom and also gave it away to other people that he was being "watched" by his parents. And he just couldn't let that happen. Things were bad enough at home and in his own head, he could not let people notice; he had a reputation to uphold. So in spite of being terribly frustrated with Sebastian, his father had agreed to get rid of the bodyguard, and Sebastian had agreed to go back to the Warblers.

And so he put on his best face forward on Monday when he had intercepted Thad on the hallway on his way to rehearsal and told him the news. He was lucky that the guys were still interested in having him back, otherwise he probably would have preferred to take the freaking bus to school every day than having to grovel his way back into the team. As expected, Thad was dumbstruck and didn't say much, not that Sebastian let him, he knew very well the effect he could have on Thad, and played it to his advantage. And so he didn't attend rehearsal that day to let Thad be the one to give out the news and give them the day to talk among themselves. There wouldn't be much talking once he came back, they had no time to waste, and he wouldn't allow it. He figured even if he was going to return he was not going to do it on their terms. He had to teach them a lesson, and restore the balance of things; otherwise it would be like admitting defeat.

It was still dark, but suddenly he was pulled out of his thoughts by his phone alarm going off. A quick glance to his nightstand clock told him it was barely 5:30 am. He frowned in confusion but once he got his phone he realized what the early alarm was:  _"Happy Birthday Trent!_ " flashed through the screen. He groaned flopped back into his bed. He had completely forgotten he set his alarm 1 hour earlier than usual for that day, determined to be the first one to wish Trent a happy birthday. He knew Trent loved to sleep in, he was not really a morning person, so he had planned to call him super early and blast his ears with a song recording he would put on the speaker; Cupid, by Amy Winehouse.

It was an evil plan he had come up with ever since Trent told him about the woes of having his birthday be on Valentine's Day. He smiled to himself sadly and then sighed, realizing he could not go ahead with his plan, not after everything that had happened. He felt a small pang of nostalgia but he didn't allow himself to dwell on it. He was just so tired of everything, so after a while of just staying in his bed staring at the ceiling in the dark he figured he should get up and go for a run. That would give him time to clear his head before he had to go to school and get on with life. He had a busy and probably stressful day ahead of him, whether he liked it or not.

He quickly got up, changed into his sweatpants and t-shirt and ran outside, iPod secured to his left arm and blasting the music in his ears. The loud beat of the music was enough to cancel out any thoughts he had left on the matter and for that he was grateful.

Not far away from his neighborhood, Trent was sleeping peacefully until his mom, dad and sister who entered his room, singing the happy birthday song and bearing gifts waked him up. It was a tradition, they always did that, and what a great way to wake up it was. It sure lifted his spirits and helped him get ready and go to school with a smile on his face.

When he arrived at Dalton he could already see the Valentine's Day spirit blooming all over the place. Many guys came to school that day carrying gifts they would give their significant others after class and others got gifts and stuff delivered during the day from their girlfriends who attended other schools. Love was in the air, or so it seemed.

Trent wished he could feel the love like that and have his birthday be extra special because of it, but after first period went by and Sebastian just sat in the opposite corner of the classroom completely ignoring him, he was reminded how that was just not going to happen.

No matter how much he tried not to, deep down he hoped that maybe, just maybe, Sebastian would remember his birthday and put his grudge aside. Just a "hello" or at least a nod, or really anything would have been better than the cold shoulder Sebastian was giving him. Granted, he sat in the front row again to keep on with his strategy of avoiding him, but still, he couldn't help to feel a little crushed by his indifference.

After that, they had 2 other periods together and neither made an attempt to make contact or even acknowledge each other. It was actually killing Trent inside but he fought back his conflicted emotions and feelings and convinced himself that he was doing the right thing. He remembered his mother's words over and over, willing himself to believe them, but in spite of his best efforts he couldn't help but feel a bit down.

Nick and Jeff made their best to cheer him up, almost tackling him to the ground with their enthusiastic hugs. It felt good to have them as friends. Especially when it was time for Warbler rehearsal and the guys surprised him with a small cake and cheers of Happy Birthday! Soon enough they were eating and laughing and overall having a good time.

A few minutes later, just as expected, Sebastian arrived, signature smirk in place, a bunch of sheets of paper in his hands, but he was not alone. A blonde guy in sportswear walked in beside him and just stood there as he entered the common room and put the sheets of paper in the table beside the piano. There was an awkward silence and nervous whispering as everyone realized Sebastian had entered the room and Thad quickly got up, still wiping bits of cake off his lips to talk to him: "Sebastian, hi…" he mumbled a bit nervously "…you, you made it." God he sounded so lame, and Trent wished he would just stop.

"Well I said I would be here… didn't I?" Sebastian replied condescendingly.

Thad just stood there in front of him, completely flustered and turning his head from Sebastian to the rest of the guys as if begging anyone to say something, anything, as he was completely incapable of doing it himself. Trent wished he wasn't feeling so mad and hurt at Sebastian, because there were so many things he wanted to say. He wanted to confront him and demand to know what his problem was. But he couldn't, so he avoided eye contact, playing with his plastic spoon and the piece of cake he still hadn't finished eating.

It was then when David tried to talk, before Sebastian completely cut him off:

"Look man, about what happened last wee-"

"What your little merry-go-bullshit number with our competition?" he said with an amused look on his face like it was the funniest thing ever. "It was cute, really. But I would like to actually use our time to talk about important things, like our set-list and choreography for regionals."

David just stood there with his mouth half open and everyone else just stared.

"Luckily for you guys, my friend Brian here…" He gestured to the blonde guy who just waved "…is a professional choreographer and he is willing to help us out. So let's not dwell on the past anymore shall we? We've wasted enough time as it is."

David looked like he wanted to say something but didn't, and then Sebastian just continued talking: "Jon tells me you guys wanted to do "Stand" is that right?"

Jon and Jeff just nodded. And Sebastian chuckled to himself. "Well I guess that actually doesn't suck, so we could probably do it… what do you think Brian?"

"We can work something out…" he said, like it was no big deal.

The guys were probably just surprised that Sebastian was taking in consideration the song they had come up with and moving on like nothing happened, figuring his condescending tone was as bad as it was going to get, and decided to just go with it because next thing Trent knew they were standing in a semi circle as Sebastian gave everyone a sheet of paper and gave his friend Brian the floor so he could show a couple of dance moves. _Unbelievable._ All Trent could do was stand there in complete and utter disbelief, not knowing what to do.

Sebastian didn't even look at him as he handed him one of the sheets. When Trent looked at the lyrics printed out he frowned in confusion. "The Wanted? What about Michael Jackson?" he asked.

Sebastian looked at him for the first time in the whole day, and for a second he was sure he saw something in his eyes, but then he just shrugged and turned again: "Meh… they can keep him if they want. It's not like it's going to help them anyway. They won't have Blaine and I heard Rachel Berry isn't going to perform either." Trent just narrowed his eyes as Sebastian smiled devilishly. It unnerved him.

Trent was sure he was hiding something, and he couldn't stand it anymore. He really needed to know. He had figured Blaine wouldn't be able to perform just 2 weeks after having surgery, but what about Rachel Berry? What had he done? He tried to ignore his thoughts as Brian taught them a couple of dance moves but he couldn't stop staring at Sebastian, as if looking at him long enough would reveal what he was scheming this time. Every now and then Sebastian would catch him staring and he would just turn away. He wasn't blushing this time, no; he was just really confused.

Warbler rehearsal usually lasted up to 2 or 3 hours when they were getting ready for a competition, but after about an hour the mood in the room started shifting as many of the guys became anxious and clearly wishing to go to their respective Valentine's Day dates. Sebastian seemed to pick up on it quickly enough, cause he just rolled his eyes and dismissed them.

"Okay, let's get outta here. We'll continue this tomorrow."

Soon enough everyone was picking up their blazers, packing up their things and rushing out of the room. Trent slowly proceeded to pick up his things and lingered for a while as the room emptied, internally debating if he should try to talk to Sebastian one last time. He felt really uncomfortable and the uncertainty was killing him but after noticing how this Brian guy was behaving around Sebastian he didn't dare approach them to talk to him.

Doing his best to not look at Sebastian again, he exited the common room and stopped by the restrooms before leaving. He was washing his hands when he heard Sebastian's voice coming from the hallway and panicked, in the rush of the moment he decided to hide in one of the stalls. Just as he expected, Sebastian and Brian entered the restroom, both deep in conversation.

"I didn't say it was going to be easy… so."

"Well, at least they're not as hopeless as you said they would be."

Sebastian just snorted as he rinsed his hands.

"You still have to make it up to me though…" he heard Brian say, voice suddenly husky and playful. "For this… and for the photos."

There was no response from Sebastian but once things got really quiet Trent could make up the sound of heavy breathing and kissing over the sound of the water from the sink that was still running. He felt like something heavy was dropped in his stomach; air suddenly harder to breathe in. He felt like he was going to be sick and wished he could just disappear. Why did he think it was a good idea to hide in the stall? He started to panic. Wondering if he could just open the door and make a run for it. He didn't want to be there anymore. He just really needed to leave.

"Hmph… later. Okay?" He heard Sebastian say, a little breathless.

"9pm right? I'll call you when I'm outside."

"Great."

And then he heard someone leave. He wasn't sure which of them had left and who was still in there.

Trent knew he would probably have to wait for a long time inside the stall just to be sure that Sebastian had left Dalton and he could finally get out safely and go home. He didn't want to risk running into him on his way out and get caught. But in his haste and nervousness he didn't notice his phone was just about to drop from his pocket, and as he put down the toilet lid and sat down to wait it fell to the floor, making a loud cracking sound as it bounced off the floor and out of the stall in front of him.  _Shit._

There was no way he could hide now, and he knew it. So in a split second he gathered all the courage he could muster and opened the stall door. Picked up his phone and stood up, looking straight at Sebastian who was leaning against the sink, the look in his face a mixture of surprise and confusion.

"What are you doing here?"

"Um… Using the restroom?" He put his phone in his bag and approached one of the sinks to rinse his hands. He could feel himself shaking a bit on the inside but he hoped it didn't show.

"You were eavesdropping!"

Trent just shook his head, still focused on washing his hands, trying really hard to be serious and appear offended instead of panicky and nervous as he was. He had reasons to be mad at Sebastian, and he was trying to convey them as well as he could in his facial expressions towards him as he turned to look at him, defiantly: "No. But you wouldn't have to worry about that if you weren't hiding things."

Sebastian was livid.

"I have  _nothing_  to hide, specially from you."

"Of course you don't." Trent said sarcastically as he walked past him to grab a paper towel from the dispenser. He could feel the tension in the room escalating as he was standing practically next to Sebastian but focused on drying his hands and discarding the paper.

Sebastian was staring directly at him and Trent felt his gaze burning in his neck. Buy he was determined not to run away, even if he felt unsteady and his legs felt like they were going to collapse any minute.

"I might not know exactly what you did this time Sebastian, but I'm not stupid." Trent said, turning to walk away.

"Could've fooled me…" he heard Sebastian say mockingly and the words froze him in the spot, back still turned to Sebastian. He had just insulted him like it was nothing.

He turned around and opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, but he could feel a painful knot starting to form in his throat, like last time he had spoken with Sebastian. He could not let himself cry this time, not again.

They just stood there for a few seconds, staring at each other, Sebastian's words sinking in. Trent was sure Sebastian would read his emotions through his face this time. He couldn't hide them anymore. He was just so shocked, disappointed and sad. He took a deep breath and quietly said.

"I feel like I don't even know you anymore."

"It's cause you don't… you don't know me at all, Trent."

Trent nodded softly, eyes on the floor as he turned around and left. He walked slowly as he exited the restroom and stepped into the hallway, speeding up as he approached the main gate of the school, and almost running into the parking lot. He could feel his eyes sting with unshed tears.

He spotted Sebastian's family car waiting outside, with the driver standing next to it. He saw Greg try to wave hello but Trent just half-acknowledged him as he practically ran past him to get to his car. He didn't want anyone to notice just how upset he was.

When he finally reached his car, he quickly searched for his keys inside his pocket and opened the door. Just as he was about to get in, he turned his gaze to the main entrance and there he saw him.

Sebastian was standing there, looking right at him, with an unreadable expression in his face. Trent wiped his face quickly with the back of his hand when he felt a tear stream down his cheek. He then got into his car and drove away.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: Underage drinking and sexual situations (dubcon)
> 
> I also just want to leave a reminder that this story followed canon only up to Michael.

Sebastian stood in the gate of Dalton and silently watched Trent exit the parking lot and drive away, a tight feeling in his chest mixed with something else he couldn't quite put a name on, but he sure knew some of it was guilt, and some of it was contempt.

He got into the car and laid on the backseat with his legs up. His knee still hurt from where it had slammed against the stall door when it bounced back from how he'd kicked it. He lashed out once he was sure the noise would be out of Trent's earshot. He was so angry because he had a game on Thursday, so he just hoped his knee wouldn't be hurt enough to be a problem. He felt like an idiot.

He knew he was making things more difficult than they needed to be. But he couldn't help but being defensive and on edge when he saw Trent come out of the bathroom stall. He was sure he must have heard his conversation with Brian. He hoped the making out and light groping they had going on didn't register with Trent, but he couldn't be sure.

He had agreed to go out with Brian tonight, and he wasn't really looking forward to it, but now his mood was totally ruined.

Brian was an old friend, they had hooked up a few times, but nothing more. One time Sebastian had been stupid enough to spend the night at his place and after that he had wanted more but Sebastian wasn't one to get involved. Luckily he'd been okay with it, because otherwise getting him to help the Warblers with some choreography would have been out of the question.

Sebastian was glad to have him around to cut through some of the tension of being back. He'd probably only have him around for a couple of days and then let him go though, especially if he expected Sebastian to " _make it up to him"_  everyday _._  That was just not gonna happen; he knew Brian was a greedy bastard when it came to sex.

He had already asked Sebastian out a few times before this but he had refused, making up random excuses he knew weren't even believable, but that never seemed to dissuade him. This time he actually owed him though, so they were going out for drinks, probably to scandals since he knew eventually they'd end up hooking up. Normally he wouldn't really mind the random sex, but today for some reason he was dreading it. He wished he could just get out of the situation somehow, he felt a little sick just thinking about it. But his parents left this morning for New York and so he was home alone and frankly had no other excuse to get out.

Once he got home he dropped down on his bed and fell asleep, not even bothering to change out of his uniform, wishing he could just disappear.

The drive home helped Trent calm down, and he quickly realized his tears came more from anger than heartbreak this time. He was just so disappointed in Sebastian; he couldn't believe the way he was behaving. He knew the real Sebastian was still somewhere in there, and he couldn't comprehend how it was so easy for him to just forget about their friendship and put these big walls up making it impossible to get through to him. He was at least a little glad he had managed to keep it together when they argued in the restroom; he just hoped Sebastian didn't notice he was crying when he was getting into his car in the parking lot.

Tomorrow was Wednesday and that meant they had biology together just like on Fridays. This time it was probably going to be even more stressful and he wondered for a moment if he could just purposely be late so he could skip first period. He couldn't avoid Sebastian forever but, if he was going to be an asshole to him from now on, then he had no clue about what to do.

He would just have to wait until tomorrow and see, so he decided he would try to keep his mind busy with homework and cake and the positive things he could still find in his life in spite of the heartache that came with losing Sebastian's friendship.

And so he did.

By the time he went to bed, he realized he had managed to have a good time. He was done with his obligations from school and had spent time with his family and some neighborhood friends that came by to wish him a happy birthday. It had been a pleasant day even after all that had happened at school.

Meanwhile, Sebastian was sitting in the bar, downing his 4th beer and feeling pretty lightheaded. Brian was pulling on his arm to go back to the dance floor but all he could think about was how he needed another beer. For anyone watching them, the scene must have been completely pathetic. As hard as he tried, Sebastian couldn't even pretend to be interested in Brian tonight. He had pulled it off before they got there when he was sober, but now that he was drunk, he found himself caring less and less. Brian didn't seem to mind though, as he kept pulling Sebastian from the bar every time he escaped from the dance floor just so he could go back to rubbing his body against him. It was hilarious actually, but Sebastian was more interested in drinking his beer than paying attention to him.

Sebastian was not really a happy-drunk, but with each beer he found himself just more amused with everyone around him. He didn't know why he frequented Scandals that much; all the people who went there were mostly just sad and pathetic losers.

For a while Brian disappeared and so he made his way to where the old jukebox was. He wanted something to keep him distracted because he knew soon he would have him pulling on his arm again and he was just exhausted with the whole situation. He was randomly pushing on the buttons when he heard someone coming up to him from the back.

"So, how do you get a guy to like you?"

He turned around and sure enough, it was Bear Cub,  _whatever his name is_. And he did not need this shit right now.

There were a lot of things Sebastian didn't understand about himself. One of those things was how insulting people in the most demeaning ways came so easy to him. Just a few lines and he could see the poor guy's spirit crumble before him. It was probably his fault for approaching him in the first place. They had spoken a few times before, never anything memorable, but he should have known by now that Sebastian really wasn't the friendly type. Unless of course he wanted to hook up, in which case he would be the one approaching  _him._

_Clueless idiot._

Before the guy could even pull himself together enough to respond, Brian was back and pulling on Sebastian's arm again, only this time it wasn't for the dance floor.

The rest of the night passed in a blur. In the midst of his drunken haze, he could remember being pressed against the wall while Brian kissed him sloppily and made himself busy undoing his pants. He recalled smacking Brian in the head and yelling at him for not locking the door when some other guy entered the bathroom and caught them in the middle of a blowjob, but he couldn't make himself care enough to stop. Instead he let Brian pull him into one of the stalls and finish what they started.

Hours later, he dropped down on his bed not even sure how he got there, feeling dizzy and absolutely sick. His eyes felt heavy and his mind was foggy. He couldn't remember how many beers he had, and then there were the tequila shots Brian insisted on having. He must have gotten a little too many of them because when he tried to reach down to remove his shoes he felt his head spin and he barely made it to the toilet before he was puking his guts out.

The next morning he woke up with a splitting headache and feeling sore, really sore. That gave him a pretty good idea of what happened the night before even if he couldn't quite remember it clearly.

He completely ignored his alarm and dozed off again, not waking up until Helena, the maid, had knocked on his door to check on him, as Greg was ready to take him to school and she was worried he hadn't come out of his room since the previous afternoon.

One glance to his nightstand clock confirmed he was late to school. It was already 7:15 and there was no way he would make it on time. Since he was already on notice he knew the school would immediately notify his parents if he didn't show up to class, so staying home was not an option. He managed to get up and stumble his way to the shower. The only thing he had for breakfast before leaving was a couple of aspirin.

Dalton Academy's policy was that students who arrived late had to stay for 1 hour in detention before being allowed inside, this was so they wouldn't interrupt in the middle of class. So after checking into the main office he went and sat down in one of the benches with 3 other guys who had also been late.

As soon as the bell rang he knew time was up and he could go to class. He lingered for a while, breathing deeply to gather some strength before getting up. He stood up and winced, wishing he could just go back home and straight to bed, he was not even sure what class he had today, or what day of the week it was for that matter. He found out soon enough as he watched Mr. Sandberg walk up to him, pointing his finger at him and _god_ he just didn't want to talk to the man today.

"You weren't in class today Sebastian. What happened?"

"Uh... Yeah I didn't make it to school before the bell rang. Got detention... Sorry about that." he said, feigning embarrassment hoping that would dissuade the teacher from giving him a lecture.

"Oh! I see. But anyway... Trent already talked to me about your situation..." Mr. Sandberg started, probably supposing Sebastian knew what he was talking about.

"...And there's really no issue with me as long as you guys can find someone who wants to trade partners before your next assignment is due."

Sebastian just narrowed his eyes while the words sunk in, and then nodded awkwardly, not sure if he was supposed to say something or not.

"So just make sure you figure it out ok? Let me know by Friday. And get going, or you're going to be late for your next class!" Mr. Sandberg said as he turned around and walked away.

 _Huh._ That was unexpected, though he really should have seen it coming. After all, he had been acting like an asshole to Trent these past few days, so it made sense he wouldn't want to be his lab partner anymore.

He pulled himself out of his thoughts and started quickly walking down the hallway to his next class. Just before getting inside he caught sight of Nick, resting his side on the doorframe of one of the classrooms across the hall. He was laughing intensely and holding a hand to his stomach. Right in front of him, half inside the classroom was Trent, cheeks flushed and holding a hand over his mouth in an attempt to hold his own laughter. He wondered what were they talking about that could possibly be so funny, but quickly entered his class before they could catch him staring.

Still, as he sat down and pulled his notebook out of his bag, he couldn't help the unpleasant feeling growing inside of him.

He knew it was stupid, and he knew he shouldn't care, but that didn't make him feel any better.

Things would not go back to the way they were before,  _and it was Trent's fault_ , he reminded himself. He was the one who started this; he was the one to blame. But then why was Sebastian the one who was left aside, feeling miserable?

 _You need to get your shit together._ He reprimanded himself as he felt the faint threat of his headache trying to return.

He just hoped he didn't look as bad as he was feeling. After all, the show must go on.

Rehearsal that day was pretty much the same as the day before. With Brian practically taking over the dance routine and the rest of the guys pretty much trying to keep up and learn the steps and moves.

Through all rehearsal, Trent did his very best to avoid eye contact with Sebastian. He figured it was the safest choice. He would still have to look at him at times throughout the dance routine though, and that is when he noticed something was off about him.

First, he looked exhausted, had dark circles under his eyes and also, there were times when he moved kind of funny, almost like he was in pain.

Trent figured it could be because he was hung-over, but that still wouldn't explain the uneasiness of his movements. Sebastian was used to physical activity; he was a jock. Even if he was out dancing all night, he shouldn't be sore. It was very weird, but he tried not to think much into it. He was supposed to be ignoring Sebastian, not trying to figure him out.

He didn't know if it was his nerves or the fact that he was purposely trying not to look at him, but he was pretty sure he could feel Sebastian staring at him from time to time. It irked him to a point but he tried his best not to let it bother him too much.

The rest of the guys seemed to be trying their best to be at ease with Sebastian again. They were all very excited about the numbers they were practicing and their hopes were high for a Regionals win. Granted, Sebastian had both solos but they weren't complaining. After spending the last hour rehearsing the back up vocals with Sebastian's lead, they all started saying their goodbyes and leaving.

The next day went similarly, with Trent doing his best not to look at Sebastian during class and avoiding him as much as possible throughout Warbler rehearsal.

Even after everything, Trent could notice something different about him. Any other time, Sebastian really enjoyed himself while he was singing and dancing, but lately it was like the whole thing was just a chore.

Trent could see Sebastian was doing his best to not let it show, but he seemed like we would rather be anywhere else but right there. His smiles were forced, his moves were overdone, and he wasn't sure if anyone else had noticed it as well, but Sebastian wasn't really his usual self.

He tried to push those thoughts away and found it became easier as time passed. So when Friday came he wasn't as nervous about talking to Sebastian as he had been the previous times; which was a good thing, since he had to tell him about finding another lab partner.

He sat in class and waited for Sebastian to get there. He was hoping he could talk to him before class started, but as it turns out, Sebastian entered the classroom just behind Mr. Sandberg, so he figured he would try to talk to him once class was over.

Surprisingly enough, Sebastian appeared very nonchalant throughout the whole time they were in class. They took their turns with the microscope, took notes, and neither of them made any real attempt at conversation. Trent was cautious and Sebastian just appeared to be bored, really.

Once the bell rang Sebastian started gathering his things and getting up from his seat and Trent decided it was now or never.

"Sebastian, I need to talk to you about-"

"What?" Sebastian cut him off dryly. "About how you want to get another lab partner?" Sebastian snapped, giving Trent a serious look.

"You knew…" Trent said tentatively, surprised with Sebastian's reaction.

"Look, I don't care." Sebastian said exasperatedly, rolling his eyes and turning his back to Trent, heading for the exit.

"But it's your idea, so you figure it out. Let me know if you find anyone willing to get you off my back."

And just like that, he was out. Leaving Trent in the class with his mouth half open and an unpleasant feeling all around him. This time though, Trent was actually more shocked than offended. He just huffed and took his things outside the class.  _Get him off his back?_  It was actually the other way around.

Trent was hoping Sebastian would have an idea for who would be willing to trade partners with them, because he'd tried his luck with a few guys and there weren't any takers.

He figured some of them were intimidated by Sebastian, and others just didn't like him. Trent couldn't blame them, not really.

Maybe he was going to deal with being stuck with Sebastian as a lab partner for the rest of the year. He was not looking forward to that at all.

If they couldn't find anyone to trade with, they would just have to deal with it. Trent knew he wouldn't really be able to keep the strong facade for so long, and he only hoped Sebastian wouldn't either. But quite frankly, Sebastian was unpredictable, so he guessed he would have to take it one day at the time.

Since it was Friday it meant they didn't usually have warbler practice, but everyone still showed up to the choir room just in case. Sebastian was nowhere to be found though, and so after lingering for a while just talking to each other about the dance routine and trivial stuff like their plans for the weekend, everyone started leaving.

Strangely enough, just as Trent was walking through the parking lot, he spotted Brian resting against what he assumed must have been his car, talking on the phone.

He appeared to be arguing, and Trent really didn't mean to pry, so he quickly walked away and towards his car. As he drove away, he wondered if the person Brian was arguing on the phone with was Sebastian.

Trent was glad to have the week finally be over. Once he got home he was greeted with the smell of freshly baked cookies and decided to join his mother and sister for an evening of movies and comfort food. His dad was away on business and so it was only the 3 of them. It was nice and quiet and exactly what he needed.

It was almost midnight when Trent went back up to his room, ready for bed. His mom and sister had gone to sleep about san hour before him, feeling too tired and sleepy to finish the last movie of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy.

He was comfortably dressed in sweats and he could have gone to bed wearing them, but decided he was going to change into his pajamas. Once he opened his closet to look for them, he remembered he had left his cellphone in his Dalton uniform.

He spotted the Blazer in the rack and retrieved his phone from the pocket. Once he unlocked the screen what he saw froze him on the spot:

_**(3) Missed Calls from: Sebastian Smythe** _

This was weird. One call could be an accident. An unlocked keypad inside a pocket could do that. But 3 calls had to be deliberate. He wondered why would Sebastian possibly be calling him? They hadn't spoken to each other in days, and whenever they had, things had been pretty ugly.

Suddenly Trent found himself feeling nervous, pondering whether he should call him back, text him, or just wait to see if he called again. What if he wanted to yell at him or something?

No more than 5 minutes into that internal discussion with himself he was startled with a new text message notification:

_**(1) New Message from: Sebastian Smythe** _

Trent quickly opened the text but things only got even more weird once he read what it said:

_**(23:07) From Sebastian Smythe:** _ _**  
** _ _**Do yu think ima bad person?** _

What kind of question was that? Was Sebastian playing some kind of game here?

Trent just stared at his phone for a while, feeling puzzled. That message just didn't sound like something Sebastian would normally say. He was too proud for that, and besides, it was poorly written, and that wasn't like Sebastian either.

A few minutes later, another text came in.

_**(23:09) From Sebastian Smythe:** _ _**  
** _ _**you hate me** _

What was he supposed to say to that? "No Sebastian, I don't hate you. You're not a bad person, you're just a jerk most of the time"?

Suddenly he was glad he wasn't around to pick up the phone when Sebastian called, or he probably would have been faced with this question without the benefit of having time to think about a proper reply.

_**(23:11) From Sebastian Smythe:** _ _**  
** _ _**its ok. I hate myself too** _

Now something was definitely wrong here, and Trent knew Sebastian must be either drunk, or having a crisis, or maybe both.

So he quickly dialed his number and waited anxiously, one time, two times, three times, and every one of his calls went to voicemail.

Why wasn't he answering his phone? He was starting to get really worried now.

_**(23:20) To Sebastian Smythe:** _ _**  
** _ _**Are you ok?** _

After a few minutes with no response, he tried calling again. No answer.

_**(23:22) To Sebastian Smythe:** _ _**  
** _ _**Sebastian you are freaking me out.** _

He sat in the corner of his bed. Staring at his phone, willing it to ring. But nothing happened. He decided he should probably calm down and wait until morning. Maybe Sebastian was drunk texting him, would forget about the whole thing in the morning, and Trent would look like a fool for even worrying about it.

Right when he was getting into bed, his phone rang again. It was Sebastian.

"H-hello?"

"…."

There was no response from the other line, just background static, but not from cars or anything loud, just silence and faint breaths over the speaker.

"Sebastian… Sebastian are you there?"

"Unnnfortunately for the world, I am." he finally heard Sebastian say with a defeated sigh.

Why was he speaking like this? It was very weird and unsettling, but as much as he asked he wasn't getting any answers from him, all he got was drunken mumblings.

"Where are you?" Trent asked anxiously for the fifth time.

Suddenly he heard Sebastian mutter something intelligible followed by the sound of glass shattering in the floor.

"Sebastian, tell me where you are! You are freaking me out." He demanded. But Sebastian only laughed and kept stuttering nonsense.  _"No one cares Trent, no one cares, not even I."_

"You're not in your house are you?"

" _Nope… nope…"_

"Please tell me you're not wandering outside some bar…"

" _No… I. I wentz for a walk."_

"A walk where?"

" _Y'know T… maybe if I walk far enough I will get lost… Lost for good!"_

Trent was pacing around his room, his car keys in hand and wondering if he should go out and looking for Sebastian; but where to? He wouldn't tell him where he was and he was obviously intoxicated.

" _I'm just gonna sit here… sit here and sleep."_  He heard Sebastian say, voice suddenly weak and quiet.

"No, Sebastian you can't just sleep in some shady corner somewhere... please tell me where you are." He pleaded.

" _No."_  He said before hanging up, and right before he did Trent heard it… it was the sound of the railroad.

The sound made him jump and right then he knew he had to go looking for Sebastian, he just hoped he was where he thought he was.

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: Alcohol consumption, and mentions of suicide.

Trent ran down the stairs as quickly and as quietly as he possibly could. He felt adrenaline running through him as he got to the door. Some of it was because he was worried about Sebastian, and some of it because he was about to sneak out of his house for the first time in his life.

He knew his mom would never let him go out at this hour of the night, specially if she didn't even know exactly were he would end up going.

He hesitated for a second but then decided to just leave a note in the kitchen table in case his mom woke up and noticed his absence.

Once on the road Trent tried calling Sebastian again, but he still wasn't picking up. He knew he had to hurry, and even though he wasn't exactly certain of where Sebastian was, the sound of the railroad he heard right before he hung up had given him a possibility.

There was a park in the outskirts of Sebastian's neighborhood; it was a place Sebastian liked to visit when he wanted to clear his mind. They had gone together a few times on days when they had finished their school obligations and wanted to relax.

It wasn't exactly close to Sebastian's house, but it was still on walking distance. Right behind that park, down a little hill, was the railroad.

Trent was thankful that Sebastian's house was only 20 minutes away from his own. Still, it was almost midnight by the time he drove in front of the Smythe home. All the lights were off, and he could see Sebastian's car parked in the driveway. That disconcerted him for a little while. Either his suspicions were correct and Sebastian had walked to the park, or he had gone out with someone else and was probably passed out in some dark alley where he would never be able to find him.

Trent sped up and kept driving, headed to the park.

The place was barely illuminated, as it was more of a place to visit during the day. There were only a few light posts along the little path that went from the entrance to the playgrounds, then across a little forest and into a couple of clear areas, where kids play football and other games.

The park was completely deserted, and since Trent had never been there when it was dark, it was a little intimidating. He just hoped he could find Sebastian somewhere, and quick. He really didn't want to be wandering around this place in the dark.

He locked his car and started walking around; calling out Sebastian's name, but there was no response.

He was hoping to find him quickly but the task was proving to be harder than he thought. With each step he took into the park and each call he did of Sebastian's name with no response, his chest tightened more and more.

The park wasn't really that big, but it had a lot of trees.

Once he got to the clearing and the fields and there was still no sight of Sebastian, he started getting really worried. A couple of feet forward he spotted shattered glass, it was a vodka bottle and he felt a bit of hope grow in his chest. Sebastian was definitely here, he remembered hearing him drop this bottle when they were on the phone.

He kept walking and took out his phone to call Sebastian's number once more, only this time he didn't hold the phone to his ear but instead listened intently to his surroundings to see if he could hear the phone ringing.

And it worked; once he could hear the faint ringing, he quickly followed the sound until he saw him.

Sebastian was lying on the ground with one arm slung over his face. The relief Trent felt when he spotted him vanished as soon as he called his name and saw Sebastian didn't even move.

Trent quickly ran to where he was, kneeling beside him and taking his face in his hands.

"Sebastian! Sebastian wake up!" He pleaded. But Sebastian remained unmoving. Trent was starting to panic but got himself together once he checked Sebastian was still breathing. He looked around him; but there was no sign of anyone else being there.

He spotted Sebastian's phone a few feet away from him, it looked like he had thrown it away right before passing out. He ran to get it and checked the registry. He had a few missed calls from Brian, but those had happened in the early afternoon, the rest were from Trent.

No sign of his parents looking for him. He figured they must be out of town, as usual.

He ran back to Sebastian, determined to wake him up. He took him by the shoulders and the back of his neck as he tried lifting him up, but he was really heavy. He kept shaking him and practically screaming at him until Sebastian grunted and half-opened his eyes.

"Sebastian…oh god… Sebastian wake up! Look at me… no, open your eyes… you have to get up! Come on Seb!"

Just as Trent kept shaking him he heard a sound coming from one of the pockets of Sebastian's jacket. He felt something and once he pulled it out all the blood drained from his head. It was a bottle of sleeping pills.

_This couldn't be happening. No, no, no._

In a moment of sheer desperation, Trent slapped Sebastian hard in the face and shook him almost violently.

"Sebastian! Wake up! God dammit! You wake up right now!"

He felt tears stinging in his eyes, and relief washing over him as he saw Sebastian open his eyes and wince, pulling his hands to his face right where Trent had slapped him.

"Agh… what the fuck? Ugh…"

"God Sebastian! What did you do?" Trent demanded as he pulled him up by the neck of his jacket so he could sit up.

Sebastian seemed not even able to focus his eyes, brows furrowed in a confused frown and his mouth half opened with his lip curled up.

"These pills… how many did you take? Tell me!" Trent yelled, all but shoving the small bottle of prescription pills in Sebastian's face.

"What? Pills? No… I don't know…" Sebastian mumbled, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand.

Trent got up on his knees and started trying to pull him up with him as he stood up, but Sebastian felt limp and heavy and wasn't really cooperating.

"Come on Seb, we can't stay here… come on."

"No… no…" he mumbled as he tried to pull himself out of Trent's grasp and ended up falling face first to the ground in the process.

"Sebastian!" Trent gasped as he knelt back down to see if Sebastian was okay.

Sebastian rolled over to his back, keeping his hands over his face, breathing heavily and erratically. Trent didn't know what was going through his mind or if he even was able to form coherent thoughts. He just sat there beside him and put his hand over Sebastian's own, trying to remove it from where it was covering his face, but instead of giving in Sebastian stiffened under his touch. A few seconds later Trent sat in shock as Sebastian broke down and started crying in earnest.

Trent felt his own throat tightening just at the sight of the broken boy in front of him. He wanted to help him, find out what happened; he would do anything to make his tears stop. But he didn't know what to say or where to start, so he just put his hand over Sebastian's shoulder and rubbed it gently, reminding him that he was there with him; that he was not alone, and he was not going to leave him there.

"G-god why… why are you e-even here …Trent?" Sebastian managed to say in between sobs. "Just leave me here…. go!" He said, rolling to his side and trying to turn his back to Trent.

"I'm not going anywhere." Trent said gently, hand still caressing Sebastian's back.

Sebastian only cried louder as he curled into a ball, shaking his head; face still covered with his hands, trying to muffle his own sobs but failing miserably.

Trent didn't know what to do. He was distraught by how utterly broken Sebastian was. He knew something terrible must have happened for him to end up like this, drowning himself in alcohol and sleeping pills.

He needed to get Sebastian out of there and take him to see a doctor. He didn't know if he had taken any or how many of the pills and judging by how drunk he was it was bound to be a dangerous combination.

Sebastian started trying to get up on his own, stumbling over his own limbs as he tried to crawl away from him.

Trent stood up and rushed over to where Sebastian was, dropping in front of him and holding him by the shoulders just as he was about to fall down again. They sat in silence in the middle of the field, knees touching from where they both were sitting with their legs flexed underneath them.

Sebastian had one hand over his forehead and the other one fisted and on his lap; arm stretched holding him up in front of him, hunched and trying to hide his face from Trent.

This was the first time Trent had seen Sebastian this vulnerable, and it was a heartbreaking sight. He had no idea what had happened or why Sebastian had ended up in this place, drunk and alone. Sebastian had called him in the midst of his desperation, but perhaps he never believed Trent would actually find him. Now that he was there, Trent could see Sebastian was ashamed. He didn't want Trent to see him like this, but he didn't care. Something had happened to Sebastian, something was wrong, and in that moment, all the things that had happened in the last week didn't matter anymore; he needed to let Sebastian know that he was  _there_  for him. Also, he knew he had to get him out of there and fast.

And so in a quick moment, Trent leaned forward and put his arms around Sebastian, holding him strongly in a tight embrace. He felt how Sebastian held his breath in tightly and stiffened once he realized what Trent had done, but he didn't hesitate, instead he just held him tighter, burying his face in the crook of Sebastian's neck.

Sebastian's left hand was trapped awkwardly between them, and Trent wondered for a moment if he was going to pull away. But instead what happened surprised him, as he felt Sebastian's right arm slowly wrap around his back as he let go of the breath he had been holding, easing into Trent's embrace.

Soon enough Sebastian untangled his hand from where it was over his face and instead reached to grab a fistful of the fabric of Trent's hoodie as he buried his face into Trent's chest.

There were no words between them in that moment, but none were necessary. They just sat together in the dark, arms wrapped around each other holding them together in an unspoken promise of understanding and acceptance.

They lost track of time as they stayed there, silent. The only thing they could hear were the sounds of their breaths slowing down and the small hiccups Sebastian was still trying to control from how bad he had been crying.

After a while it got really quiet, and Trent could feel Sebastian leaning on him heavier than before. He slowly tried to untangle himself from the embrace but Sebastian wasn't moving. That's when he realized Sebastian had dozed off in his arms.

"Seb… Sebastian… wake up." Trent said gently, cupping Sebastian's face in his hands and making sure he opened his eyes.

Trent slowly got up and helped Sebastian get on his feet. He was swaying and clearly not able to walk by himself, so he grabbed his arm and slung it over his neck and shoulder so he could support him as they slowly started walking towards the car.

It was a tough walk back to where Trent had parked. Sebastian kept tripping and tumbling and Trent was doing his best to keep him walking even thought they had to stop a couple of times along the way whenever Sebastian thought he was going to be sick.

Trent was strong and not much shorter than Sebastian, so that certainly helped, but by the time they finally made it to the car, his back hurt a little and he was tired. As softly as he could, he helped Sebastian onto the backseat of his car. His legs were so long he had to push them in so he could close the door and get him home.

During the walk to the car Trent had asked Sebastian many times if he had taken any of the sleeping pills but Sebastian denied it every time. Trent still wasn't completely sure; though he figured if he would have taken them he would already be dead.

Walking to the car had been difficult, but getting Sebastian out of the car, into his house and up the stairs to his room was the real challenge. By the time they finally made it Trent was completely exhausted.

He helped Sebastian get to his bed, but he was at a loss of what to do next. Sebastian wasn't sober yet, he kept mumbling nonsense and complaining about his head and being sick and he wouldn't let go of Trent's hoodie. He was grabbing it so hard Trent was pretty sure the fabric would be stretched and ruined.

He had lost track of time but knew it must be really late. The rational part of him told him he had to leave but his heart was screaming at him to stay. He wasn't sure if it was safe to leave Sebastian alone in the state he was in. It was 2:28am already, Trent figured his mom didn't notice he left; otherwise she would have called him already. He could probably stay and check on Sebastian and leave in the morning, but he was unsure if Sebastian would be okay with it after everything that had happened.

"Will you be okay?" Trent asked hesitantly, wondering if he would be able to get home before dawn.

"I feel like I'm gonna die…" Sebastian whimpered, and Trent just kept patting his back softly.

"Don't say that…"

"y'know… I wonder about that… sometimes."

"About what?"

"Dying..." Sebastian said, suddenly letting go of Trent and turning on his back so he was facing the ceiling. Trent was sitting on the bed beside him, looking intently, not sure exactly what Sebastian meant by this.

"Like… if I died… who would… who would even go to my funeral?" he suddenly laughed, like it was the most hilarious thing to imagine.

"Don't think about that n-"

"No one would go!" Sebastian cut him off, and Trent was taken aback by the sudden emotion behind Sebastian's words.

"Everyone... w-would probably be like … like having a fucking party instead!"

"That's not true." Trent said, but Sebastian just laughed again, staring blankly at the ceiling. And Trent could see tears pooling in his eyes again.

He could see it in his face, the defeat and the self-loathing. He knew if he asked him what happened it was unlikely he would get a straight answer, so going along with this conversation was probably the best he could do for now.

"You texted me. You asked if I thought you were a bad person…" Trent started, and Sebastian just turned his head to look at him intently. "Well, you're not. You are not a bad person Sebastian."

And he meant it, he really did. He couldn't understand Sebastian half the time, but he didn't think he was a bad guy, he really didn't. Apparently Sebastian disagreed though, and there was no convincing him otherwise.

" _Well_ , I'm sure Astrid would disagree." Sebastian said, and his voice was raspy again like it was back in the park when he was crying. He ran his hands through his hair and pulled it as he started breathing heavily, like he was trying to hold himself together.

 _Astrid_ , it was Sebastian's friend from Paris.

Trent remembered asking Sebastian about her after seeing some pictures of the both of them on Sebastian's old Facebook profile pictures. And even though he didn't really say much about her, he knew they must have been close. Especially by the way they were holding each other in the picture.

Trent had even suspected she was his girlfriend, back when he thought Sebastian was straight. But all Sebastian had said was that they were really good friends from when he lived in France.

It was kind of a touchy subject; he knew it because somehow Sebastian always avoided talking about her, though Trent never understood exactly why. Whenever he tried to have a conversation about her Sebastian would just reply in a dry "yes" and "no" manner or change the subject.

"I bet she'd hate my fucking guts right now… she would." Sebastian said, as he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands.

"I'm sure she doesn't hate you Seb-"

"Of course she doesn't!" Sebastian cut him off harshly. "She  _can't_  hate me when she's dead! She's fucking dead Trent!"

And then Sebastian just let out a bitter and self-deprecating laugh as he rolled on his side and started crying again. Trent couldn't do anything but stand in shock as Sebastian continued talking.

"She killed herself…" Sebastian said between sobs… "She's dead because of an asshole… an asshole like me!" he cried, and soon dissolved into a coughing fit.

Trent watched almost in slow motion as Sebastian tried to get up and off the bed but only ended up stumbling on his feet and slamming his shoulder on the doorframe of the bathroom entrance.

Trent was frozen, still trying to process Sebastian's words, so it took a few moments for him to realize what has happening. He quickly ran to help Sebastian get off the floor just as he started throwing up.

Trent couldn't do anything but kneel beside him, rubbing soft circles on his back as he hunched over the toilet seat.

He could feel the smell of alcohol strongly as Sebastian kept heaving. Trent was getting really worried but figured once it was all out maybe Sebastian would feel better.

A couple of minutes later Sebastian finally calmed down. His head was resting on the toilet seat, tears and snot all over his face as he just stayed there, eyes closed and trying to catch his breath. Trent handed him a tissue so he could wipe his face and softly removed his bangs from where they were over in his forehead with his hand.

"I'm so s-sorry… Trent." Sebastian whispered, slowly opening his eyes to look up at him.

"It's okay... I'm here." Trent replied with a soft smile as he got up and handed him a glass of water from the sink.

Sebastian winced as he sat back leaning away from the toilet seat and resting his back against the bathtub. He stared at the glass of water in his trembling hands, then he took a small sip and looked down to the floor, avoiding Trent's gaze.

"No. It's not okay." Sebastian said, surprising Trent. "I've been an asshole to you… I made you cry on your birthday!" he gasped, taking the glass to his lips again and swallowing the water down in large gulps before putting it away and looking up at Trent. The look of desperation was back on his face as he folded his knees up to his chest and ran his hands through his hair.

"I've been treating you like shit lately… and I'm… I'm so sorry."

Trent didn't know what to say. The sudden apology had taken him aback. He was at a loss for words as he saw Sebastian wipe his eyes from unshed tears and just sit there looking so small and frail on the floor across from him.

"Don't worry about that right now…" He said as he offered Sebastian a sincere smile.

But Sebastian just closed his eyes and dropped his head between his knees. It was like he was shrinking into himself and wanting to disappear all at once. Trent knew how hard it must be for Sebastian to be in this position right now, to be completely open and vulnerable in front of Trent for the first time ever.

All he could think of were the nights when he had been alone in his room thinking about everything that happened between Sebastian and him. All the regrets he had, the unanswered questions that had been eating at him all that time, and the disappointment and heartbreak of being shut out from Sebastian's life.

He slowly felt how all of it started to vanish. Sebastian had reached out to him in the midst of his desperation, he had let himself be seen by Trent when he was at his lowest.

Trent knew he should be happy, he should feel relieved that they would finally be able to make amends and repair the broken pieces of their friendship, but he couldn't. Not yet.

He knew there were a lot of things going on. Things he didn't know about, things Sebastian was keeping inside in spite of everything that had happened tonight.

Sebastian hadn't been unaffected by everything that happened. He had been carrying a heavy burden for too long and he was starting to let go. Trent wondered if he would be able to help him, he really hoped he would.

He wasn't sure what happened to drive Sebastian to the edge. But Trent knew it was time they put all of this behind.

He got up and held grabbed one of Sebastian's hands giving it a little squeeze, which startled him and his head shot up to look at Trent incredulously.

"Come on, let's get you to bed." Trent told him with a reassuring smile.

Trent helped Sebastian get some clothes from his closet so he could change; then he pulled off the sheets while Sebastian changed so he could get into the bed, none of them really saying anything.

Once Sebastian was tucked under the sheets Trent got a little nervous, not sure of what he should do, but right then Sebastian spoke, quietly and almost fearful of what Trent would say when he asked: "Will you stay?"

His voice was quiet and muffled with sleep, and Trent just couldn't find it in himself to say no, so he just nodded as he sat down next to him. He rested his back against the headboard and the pillows, not lying down all the way but putting himself in a half sitting position.

Sebastian looked up at him from his pillow with sleepy eyes and Trent couldn't help himself as he ran his fingers through Sebastian's hair in a soothing manner.

Sebastian leaned into his touch and closed his eyes as he felt Trent's hand on his hair. Trent continued to caress his head and his face softly until Sebastian fell asleep.

He looked so peaceful and innocent when he was asleep, and Trent felt his heart swell and ache at the same time. He wondered what the next day would bring, and how would Sebastian react when he woke up and saw him next to him.

He pondered for a moment if he should leave, or at least get up to sleep on the couch downstairs, but he felt his body heavy with sleep and so so tired. He felt completely drained from the emotional rollercoaster he'd been through that day.

So he decided he would stay right were he was, slipping a bit lower to rest his head properly against the pillows. Not daring to get inside the sheets with Sebastian, but still reaching out to hold his hand. Even in his sleeping state he felt Sebastian shift and let out a small sigh. Soon after, Trent gave in and fell into a peaceful slumber as well.

He knew there were still so many things that needed to be said, asked and explained, but it would have to wait until morning. For now just being there with Sebastian, holding him as they both fell into sleep would have to be enough.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: Drug use, homophobia, and depiction of suicide. Also, some comments that are not very catholic-friendly. Not sure if that even needs a warning, but better be safe than sorry.
> 
> The text in italics represents a flashback.

The first thing Sebastian noticed once he woke up was that every single part of him hurt. He slowly shifted under his bed sheets and winced, this pain was more than just from sleeping in an awkward position. His head was killing him; his neck felt stiff and his throat burned. Once he made the first attempt at swallowing he realized his throat felt like sandpaper, it was dry and it hurt to even try.

This was going to be one hell of a hangover. But of course, he expected that considering how much he had to drink the night before.

He had trouble opening his eyes all the way - they felt swollen and sticky. He rubbed them with the back of his hand and tried to focus his vision.

The sheets were only pulled back on the side of the bed he had slept in; he glanced around the room and realized there was no one else there. Had he dreamed about Trent being there last night? He thought about that for a moment and after a little while he realized that if that were the case he would be equal parts relieved and disappointed.

He propped himself up with one elbow and turned over as he heard a whispered conversation coming from outside his bedroom door, which was only half closed.

" _Yes… I'll be home as soon as I can, thanks mom… yes, I will. Okay. I love you, bye mom."_

It was Trent. He was there. Sebastian hadn't imagined it. Everything from the night before was still a little blurry but he definitely remembered the most important parts.

Drunk dialing him, waking up in the ground by a distraught Trent yelling at him about the pills and the alcohol, being dragged across the park; puking his guts out into the toilet while Trent rubbed his back and crying his eyes out in front of him because he just couldn't hold it any longer.

Sebastian felt panic start to rise inside of him and dropped back to his pillow holding the sheets tight to his chest.

Too many things had happened the night before and now as he lay there in his bed, completely conscious of his actions and no longer numb by the alcohol, he felt vulnerable, exposed, and afraid. He didn't know what to do.

He then heard his bedroom door being open as Trent walked into the room and quietly sat a glass of water in the bedside table.

He closed his eyes before Trent could turn around figuring it would buy him some time before he had to face him; he was wishing for a moment that maybe Trent just got him the glass of water before leaving. He heard him talking to his mother on the phone, after all.

His eyes burned even though he kept them closed. But he didn't dare to open them. He expected Trent to sit down on the bed, but what happened was he heard quiet shuffling and soon realized Trent had pulled the beanbag from the corner to sit there instead.

Sebastian didn't quite understand why, but it stung a little to think that Trent didn't want to sit next to him like he did the night before. He was sure he felt Trent lay down in the bed next to him right before he fell asleep; he even remembered the gentle touch of Trent's hand stroking his hair.

But maybe that hadn't actually happened; he could have made it up in his drunken mind. After all, why would Trent be nice to him after everything he put him through in the past week?

He slowly opened his eyes and immediately found Trent's gaze. He could see a strained smile forming in his lips as he sat up from the beanbag beside his bed.

"Hi…" Trent said shyly. But Sebastian couldn't think of anything to say back. So instead he decided he would try to sit up so he could at least have some composure before what was bound to be a very awkward moment between them.

"You stayed." Sebastian finally grunted out before he could stop himself, and the panic from before came back. Of course Trent had stayed, he was there wasn't he?  _Idiot._

"Yes. How are you feeling?" Trent asked, as he stood up and slowly took a few steps towards the bed.

Despite his best efforts to hide the discomfort, Sebastian winced as he sat up and rested his back against the headboard. His neck was killing him and his arms felt stiff.

Trent seemed to quickly pick up on it, because he took the glass of water and handed it to Sebastian along with a couple of aspirin.

"Thanks," he said as he took the aspirin and drank the water. He felt uneasy and insecure about what to do or say, so he just sat there and stared at the glass in his hands like it was the most interesting thing in the world. This had never happened to him before, and especially not with Trent.

"Are you okay?" Trent asked. And from the corner of his eye Sebastian could see Trent was looking at him intently and expecting an answer that quite frankly Sebastian had no idea how to give him.

"I'm just hung over, I'll be fine." Sebastian replied with a half smile and a shrug. Though he knew Trent was not really asking about that.

"I can see that…" Trent said, smiling a bit and tilting his head to the side "But I mean… are  _you_  alright? You scared me last night."

He should have known Trent wasn't going to let this go so easily. But what could he tell him really?

Was he alright? No, not at all, but there was little Trent could do about it. He felt like shit, and not just physically. Even though this hangover was certainly not helping, he knew by the end of the day he would feel better, but emotionally he was not so sure.

Trent must have noticed his internal debate because soon he added: "You don't have to tell me what happened. Unless you want to…" Sebastian turned around to look at him as he spoke, and he could see genuine concern in Trent's face as he continued: "But I know something happened… and I just want you to know I'm here if you want to talk about it."

Trent gave him a reassuring smile and Sebastian couldn't hold his gaze. He looked back down to his hands and just said: "Did you get in trouble for spending the night here?"

"Um, not really…" Trent laughed softly. "I thought I was going to, but I wrote a note for my mom and she didn't read it until this morning, so she assumed I left early today and not in the middle of the night yesterday."

A glance at his bedside clock showed it was 10:45 already, he had slept a lot but he still felt exhausted. He just wanted to stay in bed and do nothing all day.

After a few silent minutes things were feeling very awkward on Sebastian's end. He didn't know what Trent was expecting or if he was just finally resigned that Sebastian was just going to avoid his questions.

They were alternating between staring at each other and looking around the room almost uncomfortably. Sebastian saw Trent made a motion to speak but before he could say anything the bedroom door opened slightly and Helena came in holding a tray with two bowls of hot soup, sandwiches and juice. Sebastian was reluctant to eat but after some prodding from both Helena and Trent he agreed to at least try.

The tension in the room dissipated slowly as they both just sat in their respective positions in the bed drinking their soup. Neither of them spoke, they focused on finishing their meals instead. Sebastian didn't finish all of the soup, but almost emptied his bowl. He wasn't sure if it was his discomfort or the awkwardness of having to talk once the soup was over. He was just playing around with the last bits of it with the spoon when he noticed Trent was staring at him again.

"What?" Sebastian said, trying to appear nonchalant but looking awkwardly shy instead.

"Nothing…" Trent said with a sad smile. "I just… I guess I should go."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Um… okay."

Trent slowly got up from the bed and walked towards the door while Sebastian just stared at him from where he was still resting against the headboard, rolling his head back and closing his eyes, wishing for a minute he could stop him, but realizing the only thing that would keep Trent there was to actually talk, and he wasn't sure he could do that.

"I'm really sorry about your friend's passing." Trent said with a sympathetic smile as he got to the door.

However Sebastian knew the expression on his face meant so much more than he was letting on. He wished for a moment that he could ignore it, but he couldn't, not anymore.

He knew he could trust Trent; after all, he had done it before. He was fine with confiding small things with him, and talking for hours about everything and nothing. But that was before the whole McKinley incident. Now he felt jaded and more guarded than before.

So instead of saying anything back, he just nodded and then turned to look down at his unfinished bowl of soup. Avoiding him again.

Trent just sighed, and that's when Sebastian remembered Trent had also been hurt ever since that whole fiasco happened. He had reached out for Sebastian to make amends with him and Sebastian shut him out every time. Hell, Sebastian knew he had upset him to the point of tears in more than one occasion.

Yet he had come when Sebastian needed him the most, and he was  _there_ with him, waiting patiently again, even though Sebastian was closing off.

He knew he couldn't keep this up for much longer. Not if he wanted to be friends with Trent again. He needed to come clean, needed to make amends with him and salvage what was left of their friendship. If Trent walked out that door, they would go back to awkward and distant and cold, and Sebastian was sure he didn't want that.

Trent was opening the door to leave when Sebastian finally spoke.

"That was last year..." He said it quietly, almost whispered; yet it was enough to stop Trent and make him turn around.

He didn't say anything. He just turned and listened as Sebastian started telling the story of what happened:

_Sebastian had just turned 15 when he left the United States to live in Paris with his grandmother. She had insisted on having him spend his last years of school there and it had been easy for his parents to agree given their obvious absence from the constant traveling for work related things. Moving from state to state every year was doing nothing positive for Sebastian's school record either._

_So his parents were glad to send him to France to live with her. Having him attend the prestigious International School of Paris was going to be great for his record and would definitely help him get into any University he wanted._

_Sebastian for the most part had been okay with it, if anything he was glad to have his parents off his back for a few years. He was also looking forward to the possibility of finally meeting a guy, since the odds of meeting other gay guys was likely to be higher in Paris than it was in Ohio. He was sure he was gay by that point, but he still hadn't told anyone, and hadn't even kissed a guy either._

_Attending school in Paris was great for him. He mostly kept to himself as he always did, good looks and the novelty factor had given him a bit of popularity and he was doing fine. Still, he decided to attend the school's Holiday Language Program to perfect his already good affluence in French, he wanted it to be perfect. Having people ask him where he was from because they noted his accent was only cute for so long before becoming annoying._

_And that is where he met Astrid, a girl from Sweden who needed a bit of help with French as well, albeit much more than Sebastian did. She understood everything but her pronunciation was pretty awful and she kept being picked on when she messed up. She had short blond hair and dark brown eyes. Her English was a bit better than her French, but still quite choppy, and Sebastian couldn't help but find it endearing._

_They had been paired for a couple of assignments and they got along from the start. She was nice and easygoing and Sebastian felt at ease around her. He was relieved that she didn't appear affected by his good looks in the least, as it was very annoying to have to reject advances from excited teenage girls who wanted him to take them out. Sebastian seemed to be just like any other guy for Astrid, and for that he was extremely grateful._

_She didn't live far from where Sebastian's grandmother house was, and her parents attended the same Church as Sebastian's grandmother. The first time they went to mass and saw each other the shock in their faces had them giggling as they quickly excused themselves just to find each other at the gate of the church and laugh out loud at the ridiculousness of the situation._

" _What are you doing here?" Astrid had asked him, wiping the tears from her eyes from how hard they were both laughing. The disbelief and amusement in her voice showed there was any other place in the world she would have imagined Sebastian ever being rather than a church._

" _I'm here with my grandma, kinda had no choice but to come. I feel like an idiot because I don't know any of the prayers."_

" _Don't be… they're pretty ridiculous anyway."_

" _If you think they're ridiculous then why are you here?" Sebastian asked her, lifting an eyebrow, teasingly._

" _My parents are really devout… I…" She faltered for a second. "I actually don't even believe in god." She said with a shrug, already a little guarded and expectant of Sebastian's reaction. Like she was expecting him to judge her for it._

_He didn't even flinch though, and just laughed again as he gave her a friendly push. "So let's ditch!"_

_The smile on her face when he said that had been brighter than any other Sebastian had ever seen on her before. Like she finally found a partner in crime. And so every other Sunday when they spotted each other during mass, they would text each other stupid shit or crack jokes at what the priest was saying._

_Sebastian had never really been religious; his parents never attended church so he didn't know any of the prayers and rituals from mass. God was just something they never discussed; to be honest, he didn't really know if he believed there was a god or not._

_So texting Astrid instead of pretending to pay attention was good. His grandmother kept reprimanding him about using his phone during mass but he still found a way to get away with it._

_On the days when they got early to the church they were able to sit together and tease each other to see who was able to keep a straight face during mass. Sebastian usually won; Astrid just ended cracking up and getting dirty looks from her parents and Sebastian's grandmother._

_They probably thought they were in love or something. But it wasn't the case, they were just really good friends. Astrid was a friend Sebastian never expected to have. He never had really allowed himself to have a "best friend" before, yet slowly Astrid had become exactly that. After a year of knowing each other, they had become really close, and they even balanced each other out. Sebastian helped Astrid toughen up and deal with the people who picked on her because of her accent and she helped him mellow out and not be so abrasive all the time._

" _You are not an asshole, you just like people to think you are, so stop. That shit won't work with me." She had told him many, many times. And deep down Sebastian knew she was right. With her, he didn't have to pretend to be tougher than he was. It was a nice change._

_Astrid was also the first person Sebastian ever came out to. Granted she had prodded him first, because she caught him many times staring at their French teacher Mr. Roussel, and was teasing him about it until he confessed. He was relieved to see Astrid actually found the guy to be cute as well. They had a bet about whether Mr. Roussel was gay or not, but they didn't quite have a way of confirming their theories without being too stalkerish. Astrid was sure he was gay, but Sebastian insisted she was just imagining things and the guy probably had a girlfriend or a wife. He was in his mid twenties, so anything was possible._

_After coming out to her, Astrid had told Sebastian she was actually bisexual and somehow that gave him more confidence to stop being shy about his sexuality, not that he really was, but he was usually guarded and didn't show too much of himself to people. She could relate somehow, since she didn't mind people knowing as long as her parents didn't find out. They were devout Catholics and the Catholic Church's stance on homosexuality was not a friendly one. She joked from time to time about how her parents would probably light her on fire if they ever found out. Sebastian wondered if she really believed that or if she was just teasing._

" _You're never gonna get a boyfriend if you don't put yourself out there Sebastian!" she said. And their friendship grew stronger after that._

_They would go out, party all night and meet new people. It was fun and exciting and they were always there to keep an eye on each other. The first time Sebastian hooked up with a guy, Astrid was waiting for him on Skype to tell her all the details. It was a guy from another school they had met on one of their many outings._

_Together they experienced many, many things. Like skipping class, getting drunk, and smoking pot for the first time. Though they agreed not to get too into it, because they were not stupid and didn't want to get in trouble. Still, it was thrilling and they always found new things to do and places to be. It was like they could do anything as long as they had each other. Even if when they got in trouble it was okay as long was they were together._

_It was months later, when Astrid met a guy that things started to go bad really fast. His name was Philippe and he was a couple of years older than they were. He was done with school but had not gone to college. Instead he was just a spoiled rich guy with too much money and time on his hands._

_Sebastian never understood what Astrid saw in him. He was good looking, sure, and had been completely charming the first few months, taking her out and buying her expensive things, but after a while he had proven to be a complete asshole. Their relationship became extremely unhealthy and Sebastian felt powerless to help his friend out of it._

_Philippe was manipulative and jealous, and was always looking for excuses to start fights with her. Sebastian didn't really like him at all, but Astrid seemed to be completely in love with him in spite of everything he put her through._

_They would get into fights constantly, arguing and disrespecting each other, he would insult her and she insulted him back, they broke up and got back together so many times Sebastian had lost count. Every time she would promise it was the last time and that it was over for good, yet when Philippe came after her begging for her to take him back, she would do it every time. It was emotionally draining even for Sebastian, who could not do much more apart from being her shoulder to cry on._

_Their friendship had suffered from it too because Sebastian was getting tired of the bullshit but Astrid just wouldn't listen. She would make excuses for the things that happened between them and Sebastian would get angry with her for being stupid._

" _This is why I'll never have a fucking boyfriend!" Sebastian had said to himself. All relationships seemed to do was bring people to try to control and eventually hate each other. Astrid was better off when they were just fooling around and not getting seriously involved with the people they met. Sure, she would get angsty or pissy when someone wouldn't call her back after hooking up, but a little pouting was as bad as it ever got._

_Things were really bad then, but as it turned out, it took finding out that Philippe had another girl on the side for Astrid to completely give up on him. Still, it had been really hard for her, and even with Sebastian always by her side; it was hard to recover from the heartbreak._

_She was never quite the same after that. She would drink more, insisted on getting high more often than usual and Sebastian was getting a little worried. But at least she was done with the bastard, and would sooner or later go back to the way she used to be. Or so he hoped._

_Sebastian made sure to learn from his friend's mistakes. Reminding himself why it was important never to get too involved with a guy to the point where he would care more about him than himself. It was a pattern he had seen too many times on people in relationships, starting with his parents._

_His mother was always trying to be by his father's side, most likely due to insecurity and fear than actual love for the man. When Sebastian was younger and his mother would rather stay at home with him while his father traveled, he had cheated on her. He could have continued to do that forever without ever being caught but he got the other woman pregnant and it all came out as a disaster._

_They had been on the verge of getting a divorce and Sebastian had to stay with his aunt for quite a while. It had happened when Sebastian was 8 years old, and while they probably thought he didn't understand what was happening at the time, he was well aware of everything._

_Eventually his mother forgave him but things were never quite the same. Sebastian wondered if getting married was even worth the while when people weren't even genuinely happy._

_Years later, things had kind of gotten back to normal between them but Sebastian would never really forget about what his father had done. If anything, their displays of affection towards each other made his skin crawl. Maybe it was because he had never been in love, but if being in love meant having people do awful things to you and staying by their side then he figured he was better off._

_A couple of months after the breakup, Astrid seemed to be doing better, almost back to her old self again. She was happy again and appeared to be ready to move on. As the new school year started things were looking really good, and with the New Year came new students and Sebastian had his eyes out for any new guys he could meet. Turns out, it was Astrid who got lucky. There was a new girl named Marion who caught her eye and by the look of things the feeling was mutual._

_Right on the five-month anniversary of the breakup, Philippe appeared again on Astrid's life. At first she was having none of it and kept telling him to leave her alone, hanging up on him or not taking his calls at all. But every time she rejected him it only appeared to make him more determined on getting her back._

_Astrid's heart was already elsewhere, but that didn't mean that she was unaffected by Philippe's reappearance in her life. She still felt weak around him and even though she didn't have anything more than a crush on Marion. Still, she had hope with her because she seemed to like her back, even if nothing had happened between them yet._

_One night Philippe had appeared outside Astrid's house, and she had called Sebastian crying for help. He had rushed over and almost gotten into a fistfight with the guy because he wouldn't leave. Astrid's parents noticed the altercation and she had to confess he was actually her ex-boyfriend._

_Her parents were furious and had grounded her since she was apparently not allowed to have a boyfriend until she was out of high school. She didn't really care much about being grounded when she could see Marion at school. If anything it kept her from running into Philippe while going out._

_Philippe was getting really creepy. One time Sebastian thought he had seen him outside from one of their class windows but he couldn't be sure. He hadn't made any further attempts to reach Astrid so he didn't even tell her about it, he wouldn't want to worry her needlessly._

_She was spending a lot of time with Marion and they were even holding hands and chastely kissing once school was out and no one was looking. Marion wasn't out yet and was really shy about the whole thing, but she was giving her a chance and Astrid was fine with taking things slow._

_Sebastian felt something warm inside him when he saw how happy Astrid was after all the drama with Philippe. Yet things weren't good for long._

_Almost a month since Philippe had shown up to Astrid's house, they ran into him at a party. It was completely unexpected because the party not at a club but in a house. Philippe had no reason to be here, unless he had followed them to the place._

_Sebastian spotted him first as he stepped into the house, and had immediately rushed to were he was to get him out of there and prevent him from finding Astrid. He told him to leave her alone, that she already had moved on and deserved to be happy, but the guy was not listening and just shoved him aside._

_Things went from bad to worse once Philippe noticed Astrid was holding hands with Marion, they weren't even kissing, just cuddling together in the couch. Sebastian tried grabbing his arm from behind to stop him but he turned and violently pushed Sebastian out of the way, making him slam against one of the windows and smashing the glass._

_Everyone stared in shock as Sebastian's yelped and started bleeding from where his arm had hit against the glass. Philippe started yelling obscenities at her and grabbing her by the wrist, pulling her outside._

_Marion freaked out and started crying for help as Astrid was dragged outside by the older guy. He called her a lesbian and a slut and no one did anything to help, instead just stared at the whole thing like some spectacle to be seen._

_The whole thing was a mess. Someone called the police and everyone just started fleeing from the place as soon as they realized what was going to happen. Sebastian came running outside, arm still hurt and bleeding and at the sight of the blood Philippe was shaken from his frenzy, suddenly freaking out and making a run for it._

_The police arrived right then and Sebastian yelled at them to catch him, which they did. Soon after, an ambulance arrived and took Sebastian to the ER for his bleeding arm. Astrid was taken in too as she was still in some kind of shock. Marion was nowhere to be seen._

_Gossip about what happened spread like wildfire and by the time Astrid's parents arrived to the hospital, they were more concerned about the rumors of her being a lesbian than if she had actually been harmed._

_It was a nightmare, and it had quickly spiraled out of control. Astrid refused to tell her parents anything; instead she just closed off into herself, lashed out and made things worse. She knew Marion wasn't out and she wanted to protect her. But Philippe had been in such rage upon finding out about them that he made a mess of the whole situation. Soon enough everything exploded online and everyone knew Astrid and Marion were together._

_She had closed her Facebook account, the amount of hate and questions and gossip was too much for her to handle. And at school things had gotten so bad that Marion's parents had pulled her out and transferred her elsewhere._

_Astrid didn't go to school the next week, she was having panic attacks and didn't want to go but her parents were not supportive. They insisted she deal with the problems she had brought upon herself._

_Sebastian was worried as he saw how she slowly started closing everyone off. After a while, she wasn't taking his calls either, all contact they had was through texts that she would only sometimes reply to._

_Next week when Astrid went back to school, everyone was staring at her and whispering about how she was sleeping with men and women and about being a whore and a freak. Sebastian did his best to remain by her side but he could see her slowly removing herself emotionally from everything. She was losing weight, was pale and appeared to be completely miserable all the time._

_Marion had disappeared from her life, probably dealing with a similar mess on her own, but they couldn't be sure, since she had cut all ties with the both of them._

_At home, things with her parents were really tense and even though they didn't talk as much as they used to, Astrid had told Sebastian she was afraid her parents were going to make her transfer into a Catholic boarding school._

_The week before the winter half term started, Astrid started skipping school. Sebastian was at a loss, as she wasn't taking his calls or answering his texts. Soon, they had 3 weeks off and he wouldn't be able to see her in school._

_Whenever he tried to visit, her parents wouldn't let him in. Insisting she was sleeping or otherwise unavailable. He knew it was all lies._

_One week into the holiday Sebastian got a call, it was almost midnight and he was surprised to see Astrid's number calling. When he picked up, all he heard was her cries as she poured her heart out to him, talking about all things that had been going on with her parents._

_She talked for hours and all Sebastian could do was listen to her, offer support and hope that she wouldn't close herself off from him again after this._

" _I'm just so tired of everything Seb…" Astrid had said in a weak voice, sniffling. "I just wish people would leave me alone, but they never will."_

" _Don't say that… just give it time, you have to be strong," he had said, trying to reassure her even though things didn't look like they were going to get any better for her. Her parents wanted her to go to the Catholic boarding school and she had no say in it._

" _People are going to hate me there just as much…"_

" _You don't know that."_

" _Yes I do."_

" _Well, I don't hate you, I love you… okay? Fuck everyone else." Sebastian said, trying hard to keep his voice steady even though it was killing him to see his friend so broken and desperate and sad._

" _Promise me you won't be like them… ever."_

" _How?"_

" _An asshole. A hateful asshole."_

_He just chuckled, thinking she was joking, but she was actually serious._

" _Just promise me Sebastian."_

" _I promise. But will you promise me something as well?"_

" _What?"_

" _That you will go out with me tomorrow?"_

_He just heard her sigh on the other end of the line. "I can't Seb... I don't want to go out."_

" _Fine. Then I'm coming over to your house and I'll bring that gross ginger ice cream you like. I'll go to the Raimo Glacier and buy it myself."_

_She huffed but said nothing._

" _Promise me…"_

" _I'll try…"_

_And that was the last time they ever spoke._

_The next morning, Sebastian tried texting her but she didn't reply. Later, when he went out to get the ice cream, he dialed her number but it went directly to voicemail instead. Sebastian was annoyed, and he wasn't going to let her ignore him again. So he got the ginger ice cream and headed to her house only to be greeted by an ambulance parked outside and Astrid's crying parents jumping inside along with the paramedics as they rushed her to the hospital._

_Sebastian didn't understand what happened until hours later, when he was in the hospital waiting room, frozen in his seat looking down as Astrid's parents broke down across the hall when they got the news of their daughter's condition._

_She had overdosed on sleeping pills and locked herself in her room, by the time they found her it was too late. The IV treatment and activated charcoal they pumped into her stomach had done nothing to help; the damage to her system was already done. She was in a coma and it was only a matter of hours until her body gave up._

_Astrid was dead. Astrid had taken her own life. And there was nothing Sebastian could do to change that._

_Cries, laments and prayers soon filled the room, even his grandmother was silently crying beside him, uttering useless prayers "for the lord to have mercy on her soul" as she held him from the back, but Sebastian just sat there frozen. Eyes cold and hard while rage and hatred grew inside him at the hypocrisy of the people around him._

_He pushed himself out of his grandmother's embrace, feeling disgusted. He got up and left the hospital, and never looked back. He didn't even attend the funeral, feeling disgusted and sick by the hypocrisy of the people mourning his best friend's death. They had driven her into it; they had no right to cry for what they had done._

_Sebastian was sick of everything and everyone around him. He started going out and drinking until he passed out, hooking up with random guys and not thinking twice about it, he would get home drunk and even take guys to hook up there didn't care if his grandmother noticed._

_He was getting out of control to the point that his grandmother called his parents to take him back to the US. She didn't know what else to do. Horrified to have found out her grandson was gay because she was hearing sex noises coming from his room._

_Luckily for Sebastian, his parents were more worried for his destructive behavior more than about him being gay._

_His mother rented an apartment to live with him until the school year ended. And then they went back to the US._

_Sebastian was glad to leave Paris and all the things that happened behind. He tried not to think too much about Astrid, as it only brought him pain and regret._

_After a while he managed to forget about her and the things that happened, but it all had come back and crashing down on him when he found out about what happened with Dave Karofsky. Somehow the whole situation hit too close to home and it had made him sick to the point of self-loathing._

_He didn't even know the guy that well, but he still tore him apart with his words without thinking twice about it. He was still in the closet and Sebastian had turned the place where he felt accepted into a place where he was humiliated and rejected. He had been one of the people putting him down for who he was, driving him into trying to end his life, just the way Astrid had._

_He couldn't forgive himself for it. He had become the hateful asshole he promised her he would never become. He was a bully and a jerk, he didn't care about people's feelings, and he just wanted all to stop. He drowned his sorrows in alcohol and had taken his mother's pills with him, wondering if he should just swallow them all, but he just couldn't. He felt like the worst person ever and he couldn't even do the world the favor of dying._

_Instead he had called Trent in the midst of his drunken desperation and passed out in the middle of the park like a pathetic loser._

And now there he was. Eyes swollen and red from crying again as he brought back all these memories he had buried away for so long as the person who was probably his only friend now stared at him with a concerned look and a tear stricken face.

"You are  _not_  a bad person Sebastian…"

"Stop… don't…" Sebastian said, rolling his eyes and holding his palm up for Trent to stop talking. He really didn't need his pity right now.

Trent reached out to hold Sebastian's hand and gave it a light squeeze. "No, you stop… Listen to me." He looked deep into his eyes as he said his next words: "You can still change things… You can. And I'm… I'm gonna help you."

In that moment Sebastian realized Trent was there with him not because he felt sorry for him, but because he understood his pain and genuinely wanted to help him. But Sebastian wasn't sure he really could, or if he even deserved to be helped in the first place.

"Why?" he asked, narrowing his eyes a little, uncertainty painting his features.

"Well…" Trent said, cocking his head to the side teasingly. "Because you are my friend, and that's what friends do. I'm not giving up on you Sebastian."

That made him chuckle even thought it hurt a bit to laugh. He didn't quite understand what Trent could possibly see in him, but his offer to help was much more than anything he expected to get after everything that happened.

"So… you mean I'm not a hopeless case?"

"No, you're not."

Sebastian stayed quiet for a moment, pondering what Trent actually meant with his words as they sunk in. He still considered him his friend, he wanted to help him, and he actually believed in him.

In spite of how awful things were at the moment, he felt a warm feeling grow inside him. He knew he needed to do this, so he took a deep breath and said "So, what do you think I should do now?"

He immediately felt a little nervous about what Trent might have in mind as he saw him squint his eyes and cross his arms.

After a minute of silence Trent finally said: "Well... I think visiting Dave Karofsky in the hospital would be a good place to start."

His jaw dropped open in complete and utter disbelief… "You're serious."

"I'm dead serious…" Trent said, putting both hands on his waist and giving out his best confident smile.

Sebastian felt his stomach drop to his feet right then. It was going to be a long way to make things right, and he was sure Trent wasn't going to let him step back even one bit.

 


	9. Chapter 9

Trent got home almost at 1:00 pm after spending all morning at Sebastian's house. His mom was a little concerned but when Trent told her that he and Sebastian had talked things out and were in friendly terms again, she was so happy for him that she didn't complain when Trent said he needed to go out again.

Trent avoided telling his mom too many details about Sebastian's crisis and instead roughly told her about what happened with Karofsky and how he had promised to go with Sebastian and visit him in the hospital.

It was 3:15 pm when Trent left again - he made a quick run to the mall before going to Sebastian's house to pick him up.

He still felt like his head was spinning from everything that had happened in the past 24 hours. Finding Sebastian in the park, taking him home, spending the night, their awkward morning talk and then how Sebastian opened up and told him everything that happened. It had been a lot to take in.

He didn't expect Sebastian to open up the way he did, and even more unexpected was the fact that he had actually agreed to Trent's suggestions about how to make things better.

He knew Sebastian wasn't used to being humble and admitting to his mistakes, so it had taken a little while to convince him. But Trent was adamant, especially when Sebastian confessed to blackmailing Rachel Berry with photoshopped naked pictures of her boyfriend.

As he was waiting at a red light, he felt his phone buzz with a new text message notification:

_**(15:38 pm) From Sebastian Smythe:** _

_**I don't think this is a good idea. Can we forget about it?** _

Oh no, no, no. He was not going to let Sebastian get out of this. They had agreed on visiting Dave Karofsky in the hospital and that was exactly what they were going to do. He knew it wasn't going to be easy, but Sebastian needed to do this in order to get peace of mind about everything that happened.

Sebastian felt responsible for Karofsky's suicide attempt and that was no easy burden to carry. If they didn't do this, he was sure Sebastian would continue beating himself up forever about it and that wasn't healthy. So he wrote a quick text back to him:

_**(15:39 pm) To Sebastian Smythe:** _

_**Not a chance :)** _

He sent the text and decided to speed up a bit. Visiting hours at the hospital were from 4 to 6pm, so they had just enough time to get there.

He arrived at Sebastian's house and was let in by Helena. He quickly ran up the stairs as he started calling out Sebastian's name.

His bedroom door was closed, so Trent decided to knock. One time, two times, but got no response.

"Sebastian… I'm here! Are you ready?" He knocked again, this time harder and just heard a groan of protest coming from inside the room. He opened the door and was greeted with a sight he definitely didn't expect.

Sebastian was lying on the bed; face down, feet hanging from the side of the bed and wearing nothing but a towel. His hair was still wet but clearly starting to dry off from just laying there, which meant Sebastian had probably been there for quite a while.

"Sebastian! What on earth…?" Trent said, stepping into the room, breath catching in his throat and feeling himself blush from looking at Sebastian's half naked body. His back was fully on display, little drops of water still lingering here and there: and from the position he was laying in, it was just impossible not to appreciate the curve of his ass covered only in the thin white towel.

Trent tried not to stare at him too much as he stood in the side of the bed. He shook the bed with his knee, in an attempt to catch Sebastian's attention.

"Seb… what are you doing? We need to go. It's almost 4!"

"I can't." Sebastian whined, half turning his head to where Trent was standing.

"Yes you can… get up!"

"I feel like shit."

"Of course you do, you're hung over. But we have to go to the hospital. Unless you prefer we wait until tomorrow and you have to make an awkward visit to his house instead?"

"Ugh… what?"

"He gets discharged tomorrow morning, today is your last chance to visit him in the hospital."

"Who told you that?"

"Does it matter? It's true, Sebastian. Come on!"

Sebastian groaned in exasperation and rolled over. The towel was hanging loosely and dangerously low on his hips. This really wasn't fair so Trent decided to remove him from his line of vision, quickly walking to the dresser and opening one of the top drawers.

He got a pair of boxers and socks and threw them at Sebastian one by one, purposely hitting him in the face with them.

"Hey, what are you doing?" he protested as he removed his boxers from his head.

"We're going, even if I have to dress you myself." Trent said, giving Sebastian an annoyed glare. He wasn't going to let him stay here and just sulk and be depressed. They had made a deal and he was going to make sure Sebastian kept his end of it.

Sebastian rolled his eyes and stood up. "This is just a terrible idea."

"Why are you saying this? You were okay with it this morning." Trent said as he searched Sebastian's closet for a shirt and jeans for him to wear. Sebastian didn't seem to protest so he was going to find the dark blue skinny jeans he knew Sebastian looked great in.

He wasn't about to let this opportunity go to waste. If he was going to dress Sebastian, he might as well do it in the clothes he liked the most.

When he turned around to face Sebastian, Trent immediately knew something was wrong. Ignoring the fact that he was only wearing the boxers Trent got for him, he could see Sebastian was absolutely miserable, sitting on his bedside, elbows resting on his knees and face looking at the floor. Trent walked slowly towards him and gave him the jeans and shirt. Sebastian just took the clothes, not even making eye contact with him as he stood up and started putting the jeans on.

"What happened?" he asked softly. Something was wrong; this wasn't just from the hang over.

Sebastian sighed and shook his head. "Nothing… it's just. I don't know…"

"Talk to me. Please?" Trent pleaded.

Sebastian stared at him, hesitance written all over his face, like he was trying to figure out if he should say something or not. And then he started talking as he put on the shirt Trent got for him.

"What if he hates my guts? Huh? What if he gets mad that I show up to visit him when I was a complete asshole last time we spoke?"

"That's not… Sebastian, you can't think like that… he-"

"What if I make him want to kill himself again? What then?" Sebastian cut him off, raising his voice as he sat back on the bed, running his hand nervously through his hair and his face.

Trent had no idea what to say to that. He didn't know Dave Karofsky, and he didn't know what he was going through right now, or what he thought of Sebastian. But he figured he needed support, and friends, and he must be feeling vulnerable and alone. And in a way this was equal parts about Dave and about Sebastian.

Sebastian desperately needed to make amends with him for his own peace of mind and, even if Dave Karofsky did hate Sebastian's guts, it was worth the try. Besides, they would never know for certain unless they took the chance and showed up at the hospital. They just  _had_  to do it.

"Well…" Trent started, sitting down beside Sebastian and nudging him softly as he took the socks from the bed and gave them to him. "I bought a little balloon arrangement with chocolates for you to give him so… Can we try?"

Sebastian gave him a strained smile at that but still took the socks from Trent's hands to put them on. He started giggling as he put on his socks. "Just don't tell me it's heart shaped or pink or some shit cause I swear I'm gonna die…" he said between giggles.

Trent punched him playfully in the arm. "Come on, we have to hurry before the visitor hours are over."

Sebastian was visibly tense during the drive to the Lima Memorial. But once they pulled into the parking lot, he looked like he was going to pass out.

"Are you ready?"

"No…" Sebastian said with a nervous laugh. "But lets get this over with."

They got out of the car and were starting to walk towards the entrance, when Trent felt Sebastian grab him by the shoulders and shove him against an SUV that was parked. He was about to ask him what the hell his problem was when Sebastian put his hand over his mouth urging him to shut up. He then pulled him down until they were crouching, and Trent had no idea what was going on.

"What is it?" Trent asked, whispering even though he didn't even know why he was doing it.

"It's Blaine... and Kurt… They're here."

"What?"

"I just don't want them to see us ok?" He snapped.

They waited until Blaine and Kurt had left the parking lot before they resumed their way into the hospital. Trent didn't even say anything, not wanting to irritate Sebastian any further when he seemed like he was about to throw up any second.

As soon as they asked which room number Karofsky was in, they walked down the hallway to find it. Every step taken seemed to drag on forever until they were finally there. The door was half open, and they could see there were no other visitors inside with him.

Sebastian took a deep breath and turned to look at Trent, who handed him the small balloon arrangement, patted him on the back and said: "Good luck. I'll wait for you here ok?"

Trent then sat down in one of the chairs in the hallway that were right in front of the window from Karofsky's room. The blinds were turned in a certain way so he could see a little to the inside of the room. Trent figured those must have been kept that way because of Karofsky's particular situation, since the blinds from other rooms were closed for privacy.

Sebastian entered the room, and Trent just hoped things would work out for the best.

To call the situation awkward would be an understatement. However, once Sebastian stepped into the room and made eye contact with Karofsky, he was able to let go of the breath he had been holding.

Sebastian expected him to be uncomfortable by his visit, maybe angry with him for having the nerve of showing his face or even offended, but the boy sitting in that hospital bed was far from being able to convey those emotions.

He looked confused, surprised by this unexpected visit most likely but overall he just seemed so fragile and vulnerable that Sebastian started to feel his hands start to sweat because of his own uncertainty about what to do or say.

Sebastian just stood there, balancing on his feet awkwardly and holding the small balloon arrangement in his hands and looking everywhere for a place to put it. There were quite a few other floral and edible arrangements in the table in front of the window, yet he wondered why there wasn't anyone else in the room keeping him company.

"I uh… I brought a peace offering." Sebastian said with a strained smile, lifting the small arrangement in his hands to show it to Dave, attempting to lighten the mood.

It had 2 small balloons, one was yellow and had a smiley face, the other one was light blue and said: "I'm sorry" in it, they were glued together in a tiny basket at the base, which had assorted chocolate candies in it.

The faintest smile appeared on Dave's lips but soon vanished as he dropped his gaze and focused on his hospital wristband instead. Sebastian sat down on the chair placed on his bedside and figured this was it. He had thought over a thousand times what he was going to say to him yet as he sat there with Dave looking intently at him, he just couldn't figure out where to start.

"Why are you here? I thought you didn't like me." Dave said, yet his voice didn't come out angry but shy, quiet and almost defeated. It was like he really didn't understand what Sebastian could possibly be doing there, or even worse, like he thought Sebastian was there to poke fun at him or humiliate him.

"I uh… I owe you an apology…"

Dave just frowned in confusion.

"I feel terrible… for the things I said to you the other day and-"

"Stop…" Dave cut him off. "Don't… I mean, if you're here cause you feel guilty or something. Just… don't."

"That's not it…" he lied.

"I didn't do this because of you, so don't feel guilty."

"I… I know but..."

"I just… I don't want people to feel sorry for me." Dave's voice cracked at the very end.

Sebastian just gaped and looked down at his own hands. He was running his fingers through the fabric of his jeans nervously. Once he gathered the courage to speak again, his words got stuck half way because he realized Dave had tears in his eyes.

They stayed silent for a few minutes, but every second felt like an eternity to Sebastian. Dave wasn't speaking, or even looking at him. He just stayed there in the cold hospital bed, wiping his face from where the tears had streamed on his cheeks.

Sebastian knew he should probably leave. He was stuck there feeling awkward, guilty and horrible and Dave kept giving him these unreadable looks. He didn't know if he was doing him more harm than good by being there, but figured he was already there so he might as well say something instead of just leaving like a coward.

"I am not good with words… unless they're insults."

Dave still wasn't looking at him, but looking down at his hands and for a minute Sebastian was grateful for that, because it gave him the courage to keep talking.

"You asked me the other day… you asked me how to get a guy to like you. And the truth is, I have no idea."

Dave narrowed his eyes and gave him a confused look.

"I know how to flirt and hit on guys and make them  _want_  me, but that's all. People don't  _like_  me; they either want to fuck me or punch me in the face." He said with a self-deprecating laugh.

"I know we don't really know each other very well but… I know I made you feel like shit and I'm…. I'm really sorry."

He took a deep breath and held it in while he waited for a response from Dave, but none came. Dave was just staring at him with an unreadable expression. He couldn't really tell if it was sadness because of his situation, or because of Sebastian's words. He just hoped his apology sounded genuine because it was almost painful for him to say it. He was just not used to apologizing and putting himself in a position of vulnerability.

"I know it doesn't mean much but, I… I want to try and not be such a dick all the time and it's hard… because it's easier to just be a jerk and not care about anything, you know? But… I'm hoping to make things better and… I don't know. I mean, you don't have to say anything, I just… I just needed you to know that I'm sorry. Okay?"

He could see a faint blush appear on Dave's cheeks as his lips pressed into a small smile as he nodded. A silent acceptance of his apology perhaps, or maybe just a reaction to Sebastian's nervous rambling and the awkwardness of the situation. Either way, Sebastian already felt lighter just by having said that and so he knew it had been the right choice.

The tension that was between them before was long gone. They were silent again for a few minutes, but Sebastian could tell Dave was no longer uncomfortable or tense. It was like they were just thinking about everything while keeping each other company.

After a couple of minutes of comfortable silence, Sebastian started getting impatient again. He had a really difficult time trying to read Dave. He looked like he wanted to say something but still remained quiet. Sebastian kept throwing quick glances towards the window, looking to where Trent was sitting, and soon enough Dave noticed; yet he didn't say anything, instead just asked, "Do you believe in karma?"

Sebastian was at a loss. "Uhm… I… I don't know."

"Well, it's just… I know a thing or two about being a jerk too you know?"

Sebastian just nodded and stared at him, not sure where he was going with this.

"You don't know but… I wasted a lot of time hiding who I was, and taking it out on people… being a bully and an asshole. And now…. Well now it's like the tables turned and I'm the one being harassed and hated, and I figure maybe it's… you know, karma."

Sebastian then gave him a sympathetic smile and said, "Well if karma exists then I'm screwed!"

They both laughed at that and the mood was lifted once again. Dave glanced at the window to where Trent was sitting in the hallway, looking at his phone and then back at Sebastian, who had followed his line of sight.

"Who's that?"

"Um… that's uh... Trent."

"He's a friend?"

Sebastian thought about that for a second, yes he was  _a friend_ , technically. Though to be honest he didn't really know why Trent was still his friend, but there he was, sitting outside the hospital room, offering moral support to Sebastian when he didn't really  _have to_.

"Yeah… I'm not sure how he puts up with me though."

"Well, at least you have friends. I'm not sure I can say that." Dave said with half a shrug and a strained smile.

"What do you mean?"

"Well I'm gay and out of the closet whether I like it or not, and the few friends I had don't want anything to do with me because of it."

Sebastian felt something ache inside him. He was lonely by choice, he didn't like people getting too close to him, and then there was Dave, being pushed away by those close to him because of who he was. Life really wasn't fair.

"Well you know what? You're alive, right? So, you can always make new friends, people who won't give you shit for being gay… like… you know… um, like, me? Maybe?" He was rambling again, but everything he was saying was true.

Dave just smiled as he lifted an eyebrow and said, "So… you're offering to be my friend now. Is that it?"

Sebastian could feel his face burning up, but it was true… he had just offered to be Dave's friend. He had actually said it out loud.  _Oh god._ This was definitely a first for him, and it was terrifying, but there was no backpedaling now. He was determined to just suck it up and do it.

"Um… yeah. If you want to, that is. I mean, I'm probably not the greatest  _friend material_ , but… I don't know…"

Sebastian's nervousness and embarrassment must have been written all over his face because Dave chuckled, seemingly amused.

"Well, you can't be  _that bad_. Not if, in spite of everything, you still have a friend willing to come with you and wait outside, probably bored to death while you sit here and talk to me."

Sebastian turned back to the window to look at Trent and realized he was also looking at him from where he was sitting in the hallway. As soon as they made eye contact, Trent gave him a reassuring smile and a thumbs up. Man, it even looked like Trent was _proud_  of him.

Sebastian just turned back to Dave and smiled because maybe he was right. Though he was pretty sure that that had to do more with the kind of person Trent was than it had to about him.

When Sebastian finally exited the room and joined Trent in the hallway, he realized he had been inside talking to Dave for a little more than an hour. He had stayed a bit longer than expected, which was nice. Right when he was about to leave, Dave's dad returned and they got talking a little bit while Dave sort of explained to his dad who Sebastian was. He couldn't exactly tell him he knew him from the gay bar they both frequented, but he managed to pull something up, saying they met at a party. In the end Sebastian and Dave exchanged phone numbers and promised to keep in touch.

As Sebastian walked with Trent outside the hospital and towards the parking lot, he felt glad that he went through with this despite all his fears and hesitations. He felt better much about everything now and that gave him a bit more courage to go through with the things that needed to be done next.

Once they were in the car and on the road, Trent asked Sebastian, "So you survived. How do you feel?"

"It was alright, I guess."

"Do you feel better now about talking to Blaine? Are you gonna do it?"

"I… don't know. I mean yes I want to do it. I just have to figure out how."

"Well, you could always ask him to meet you somewhere public, you don't have to go to his house. Send him a message on Facebook or an email if you don't wanna call him. That might work."

"Yeah, you're right. I'm gonna try that."

Trent just smiled as he kept his eyes on the road while he drove back to Sebastian's house.

For a moment Sebastian wondered if Trent would be willing to go with him when he talked to Blaine. He hoped he would, because apologizing to Blaine was going to be harder for him than apologizing to Dave was.

With Dave, he didn't have a previous friendship that had been broken. They didn't know each other very well; they weren't really friends. But with Blaine, it was different. They used to talk a lot and, even though Sebastian's intentions had always been to pursue him, they still had managed to build a friendship of sorts.

After talking to Trent earlier that day, Sebastian knew apologizing to Blaine would be  _the right thing to do_ , yet he just wasn't sure what he wanted to achieve with it.

He didn't think he and Blaine could be friends again after everything that happened, and it wasn't like there was too much hope to begin with. Sebastian had been interested in Blaine sexually, and sure, Blaine turned out to be quite nice and they got along pretty well, but most of Sebastian's motivation for talking to him was so he could sleep with him, or at least make out with him. And well, he definitely didn't want any of that anymore, not like before. But Sebastian figured at least apologizing would give him a little piece of mind before competing at Regionals.

Later that night, Sebastian took his computer and logged into Skype. Blaine wasn't online, so he figured he would log into Facebook and try his luck there, but he wasn't online there either.

Once Sebastian scrolled down his feed for a few moments he realized something was off. He put Blaine's name on the search bar and went to his profile; that's when he realized Blaine Anderson was no longer his friend on Facebook.

It took him a few seconds to process it, and he realized  _it hurt_. He felt like an idiot, remembering that time when he wondered if he should unfriend Blaine before he did. He hadn't done it though, mostly because he was curious to see what Blaine was up to and how things with his surgery worked out.

Now as he stared at Blaine's profile in his screen he just wondered if it was even worth it anymore. Blaine was clearly mad at him and had removed him from his friends list, which meant he probably didn't want anything to do with him.

It was strange, because it had been a whole week before Blaine unfriended him. He knew Blaine had his surgery and was recovering from it and even though they hadn't spoken, they were still Facebook friends. Sebastian thought about it for a while and it didn't take long for him to realize what had happened.

 _The blackmail._  Blaine must have heard about what Sebastian said to Kurt and Rachel that day at the Lima Bean, and that is why he must have finally decided to remove him from his network.

Well,  _shit_. Now he still had to apologize to Blaine, but also to Rachel because of the blackmail. He realized he probably had to talk to Santana as well and apologize for throwing a slushy on her face when she was at Dalton the other day.

It seemed like  _a lot_  and it was terrifying, especially since he only had a few days to do it before they had to see them at Regionals. He couldn't wait any longer even if he wanted to. If he didn't make things right before then, things would be incredibly hostile and awkward between them at the competition, and Sebastian had enough pressure as it was. He really wanted to fix things before then.

He took a deep breath and realized what he had to do. So gathering all the courage he could muster, he composed a brief message and proceeded to send it to Blaine, Santana, Rachel, and Kurt respectively.

**" _Please meet me at the Lima Bean. Monday at 3pm. I need to talk to you. It's important."_**

He felt his stomach do a small twist with every one of the messages he sent, but at least it was finally done. He would go to the Lima Bean on Monday and hope they showed up, he also hoped he could go through with this, since his nerves were killing him. Who knew apologizing was so damn stressful and hard?

He closed his computer and dropped down on his bed face first, wishing his nerves to go away or else he was not going to be able to sleep. He tossed and turned for a few minutes when his phone buzzed with a new text message:

_**(22:45) From Trent Nixon:** _

_**I'm really proud of you for today. Sleep tight! See you on Monday!** _

Sebastian smiled as he read the text and closed his eyes. He was not alone in this; he could do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to leave a reminder that this story doesn't follow the canon timeline. I say this in case you were wondering how come Dave is getting out of the hospital before the regionals competition even happened, and stuff like the time between events compared to what we saw on TV.
> 
> What I'm trying to say is, for this story please forget about what happened in canon after the Michael Jackson episode, cause it's not how things are gonna go at all! Keep this in mind, especially for next chapter ;)
> 
> Thanks for reading my little story. You are awesome.


	10. Chapter 10

 

With the hang over and the weekend gone, Sebastian got up on Monday morning with a special kind of gut feeling that had him jumpy and anxious.

Not even his parents coming back on Sunday morning and trying to have an awkward breakfast conversation had been enough to distract him. He had spent the rest of the day in his room, not even bothering to shower. He just felt so exhausted and drained; feeling way too many things at once to even know for sure what he was going to do on Monday.

Trent sent him a text on Sunday night about Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" foundation, which Sebastian had found to be interesting. He had promised to give Sebastian more details when they saw each other at school.

And so there he was, standing by the main entrance to Dalton waiting for Trent to get there. It was almost time for the bell to ring when Sebastian spotted Trent's car entering the parking lot. He decided to walk towards Trent's car to catch him as soon as he got out so he could talk to him about what was going to happen later that day.

Trent must have been too distracted gathering his things because once he closed his car door and turned around he jumped in surprise.

"Gosh! Seb, you scared me!"

"What? Why?" Sebastian was just amused at how annoyed and flustered Trent seemed to be as they both started walking towards the main gate.

"Where's your car?" Trent asked.

"Uh, my dad still has it confiscated. Not sure when he's going to give it back."

"Oh…"

"So…" Sebastian began, feeling himself getting a little bit nervous and not really having an idea of  _why_  he was nervous. "I'm meeting Blaine and the others at the Lima Bean today at 3."

"You are?" Trent seemed surprised and excited at the same time.

"In theory…" Sebastian snorted, "If they decide to show up, that is. I wouldn't put it pass them to just delete the message I sent and ignore me but, yeah."

"Whom did you write to?"

"Um... Blaine, Kurt, Santana and Rachel."

"Ok. That's great, Seb," Trent said, giving him a friendly pat in the back. "So, no one has replied yet?"

"No, not yet." He grabbed his phone and did a quick check of his Facebook messages as they walked to their respective classes, but he had nothing new. The lack of response had him even more anxious than thinking about the actual meeting.

Throughout the school day, he kept looking at Trent and wondering if he should ask him to come with him to the Lima Bean. Somehow he couldn't. He was feeling so nervous he couldn't think about how to ask him.

He just felt pathetic by being so nervous about the whole thing. He was a big boy; he should be able to just suck it up and face the music. He shouldn't need Trent's company for moral support.

But he did.

The school day flew by and, before he knew it, it was time. He checked his phone again, and found he had a new Facebook message notification. It was from Santana.

" _ **Fine, but we're NOT skipping Glee Club just for you. So be there at 4."**_

Glee club. Right. He probably had to be on Warbler rehearsal too, but it was the last thing on his mind when he was thinking about facing Blaine for the first time since Sebastian put him in the hospital.

Sebastian really didn't want to be at Warbler practice today. He thought about just ditching, so he started walking to the exit instead to the common room where they usually rehearsed, but Trent found him in the hallway and ran up to catch up with him.

"Hey! Where are you going?"

"I um… I'm just going to the Lima Bean."

"Right now?" Trent asked, looking confused. "I thought you weren't going until later. What about Warbler rehearsal?"

"I'm not really in the mood for it right now." Sebastian said, placing his hands inside his pockets and looking aside to avoid Trent's gaze and letting on just now nervous and unsteady he was feeling.

"Are you ok?" Trent asked, tilting his head to the side and trying to find Sebastian's gaze.

Sebastian turned to look at him and for a moment just wished he could say:  _No. Not really, I'm super insecure about this. I'm actually freaking out and I don't want to go alone please come with me?_ But instead he tried to smile and just lied: "Yeah."

Trent stayed silent. Considering something for a moment before finally speaking. "Can I… I mean…" He stuttered, "Would you like me to go with you?"

Sebastian breathed deeply and smiled, suddenly feeling relief wash over him. "Sure… thanks. But are you just going to ditch The Warblers too?"

"I'll call Nick and let him know," Trent said with a smile as they both started walking outside.

Sebastian knew the guys would be livid if both of them just decided to skip rehearsal when they had so little time before a competition. The fact that Trent had decided to go with him instead of staying when he knew they would get a lot of crap for it made Sebastian feel a little guilty, but mostly he was just grateful he was going to have Trent's company to kill time before Santana and the others arrived.

Once in the Lima Bean, Sebastian and Trent ordered something to drink. Trent made the motion to get his wallet out, but Sebastian stopped him.

"No. My treat."

"But…"

"But nothing. I'm paying. Let's go."

Trent still protested but Sebastian just ignored him, paying for both their drinks instead. Sebastian figured it was the least he could do, since he was dragging Trent into this situation.

It's not like spending money was ever an issue for Sebastian, but the way Trent sent him annoyed and flustered looks when he refused to let him pay made him happy and the feeling was welcome, specially since he was trying not to think too much about his impending meeting with Santana and whoever else was coming with her.

While they were there, Trent went over the generalities of the idea of collecting donations during the Regionals competition and explained to Sebastian a little bit more about Lady Gaga's Born This Way Foundation.

Sebastian made an effort to pay close attention to all the details, figuring that if anything, talking about that would help sort of ease his conversation with Blaine and the others. Throughout their conversation Sebastian kept throwing quick glances at the clock on the wall, and checking the time on his phone.

Trent noticed this and quickly put his hand over Sebastian's giving it a light squeeze. "Seb… don't be nervous. It's going to be fine."

"I'm n-not nervous…" he lied.

"Yes you are… you keep looking at the time, and besides, your leg is shaking and it's moving the table."

He wasn't even aware that he was shaking his leg until Trent called him out on it.

Trent's tone wasn't mocking, it was more or a mixture between concern and understanding. Sebastian laughed nervously; no longer able to hide just how anxious he was about the whole thing.

"Yeah, it's just… its almost time," Sebastian said. "They should be here any minute now."

"Do you want me to stay here? I can stay if you want."

Sebastian thought about it for a minute, but realized he should do this alone. "No, I'll be fine. But thanks."

Trent looked over Sebastian's shoulder, and Sebastian followed his line of sight to the parking lot.

"They're here," Trent said, getting up from the table and picking up his bag.

"How do you know?" Sebastian said nervously.

"The black navigator. That's Kurt's car. I'm going to go sit in that empty table by the window okay?" He put his hand on Sebastian's shoulder and gave in a little squeeze before walking away saying, "Good luck!"

"Thanks," Sebastian said, taking a deep breath and holding it in as he saw Trent walk to the empty table and settle in. They smiled at each other from their respective places across the room just as Rachel, Kurt, Blaine and Santana walked in.

The first thing that caught Sebastian's attention as they approached him was the fact that Blaine was wearing sunglasses. He didn't take them off even when they were indoors.

Santana was leading the group, walking up front and looking like she was ready to jump over the table and punch Sebastian in the face. He just took a deep breath and thought about whether standing up to greet them would be appropriate or not but Santana beat him to it.

"Okay you preppy little snake, I don't know what your deal is, but if this is about Rachel dropping out from regionals, you should know it's just not gonna happen."

Sebastian was caught completely off guard and just gaped, frowning with confusion as Santana sat down right in front of him at the small table.

"We don't care if you upload the pictures…" Rachel said, crossing her arms over her chest and putting up her best brave face.

"We know how to play dirty too you see," Santana continued… "And if you dare upload the Finn photos, we're going to photoshop a picture of you as well… and we  _will_  get creative."

"Yes…" Rachel said, "But… But we can also report you for blackmail and have the Warblers disqualified from the competition!"

Sebastian was at a loss. He anticipated them being defensive but this was more than he expected. He would be amused if it wasn't for the fact that he was really tense. It was obvious that they probably agreed on what they were going to say as soon as they got there because they kept talking over each other without even giving him the chance to speak.

"That won't be necessary…" Sebastian cut in, gathering all the courage he could muster. "The Finn photos have all been erased, you don't need to worry about that anymore. I actually called you here to apologize…"

The look on Santana's face was priceless. It was a combination of disbelief, annoyance and doubt. Behind her, Blaine, Kurt and Rachel remained standing up, staring at him expectantly as he continued to speak.

"First of all… I'm really sorry, Blaine. I'm sorry about your eye." Sebastian felt like his face was on fire as he spoke, and he couldn't decide if not being able to look at Blaine's eyes was a blessing or a curse, since he could not see any emotion coming from him.

But then Blaine just huffed and looked away as he said, "That means nothing to me."

And there it was, Blaine was obviously angry, and he had every right to be. Why should Sebastian's apology mean anything to him? Especially when Sebastian had done nothing to contact him before that day or show any signs of remorse for his actions? Suddenly Sebastian felt like the biggest idiot alive, but it was too late to go back.

"I know. I don't expect you to forgive me…" He continued, trying really hard to keep his voice from cracking or trembling, but it seemed like he was fighting a losing battle when it came to his own body at the moment. "But I hope you know how much I regret it. I've been an ass to you, to all of you…" turning to look at Rachel, then Kurt, and then back at Santana. "I am sorry for throwing that slushy in your face, Santana. It was a dick move and I just hope you can forgive me."

None of them said anything, and Sebastian figured it was better that way. At least they weren't laughing at him or throwing his own coffee in his face.

Sebastian then proceeded to take out the pamphlets Trent had given him for the Born This Way Foundation and started talking to them about his idea for gathering donations at regionals. Kurt seemed really skeptic when Sebastian mentioned Dave, but he didn't say anything.

The conversation was a little awkward, with Sebastian doing most of the talking, but all in all, it was positive. They all agreed it was a good idea and thankfully didn't ask many questions about him and Dave, instead they all focused on how to get the permission from McKinley to ask for donations during the event. Santana offered to tell her girlfriend Brittany about it so she could work out the formalities of the whole thing with Principal Figgins.

He couldn't look at Blaine's eyes because of the sunglasses; he figured Blaine was wearing them to protect his eye from the light, since it must still be sensitive because of the surgery.

Not being able to look at him in the eye meant he had a harder time reading him, which was frustrating and only made Sebastian feel even more awkward and uncomfortable. He felt as if Blaine was behind a thick wall, shutting him out.

During the whole time the five of them were there, Blaine didn't say anything else to Sebastian. He just appeared to be listening intently and occasionally nodding, leaning onto Kurt as they were sitting closely to each other. Sebastian didn't miss the way Kurt was extra affectionate towards Blaine. He didn't know whether they were always like this or Kurt was still feeling threatened by him.

Not that it mattered anyway; he wasn't going to try anything with Blaine anymore. In fact he was pretty sure he was going to try his best to avoid him from now on. He felt too awkward and ashamed to do it any other way.

Once they finished talking about regionals and there was nothing else to discuss, the group decided to leave, saying awkward goodbyes and leaving Sebastian to sit at the table by himself.

He took a deep breath, thankful that it was finally over and then turned around to see them leave. Right then Sebastian caught Blaine looking back inside as he was walking through the door. Sebastian gave Blaine a strained smile and was surprised when Blaine kind of smiled in return.

From the other side of the Lima Bean, Trent silently and nervously watched the exchange between Sebastian and the others. He couldn't quite make out everything that was said, but the café was small enough that he could still hear some bits and pieces of the conversation. The only thing he knew for certain, apart from the fact that he sucked at reading lips, was that Blaine said Sebastian's apology meant nothing to him.

Trent knew Blaine was probably mad at Sebastian for what he did, but he never thought Blaine would say something like that. He felt his stomach drop when he heard Blaine say the words and his heart broke for Sebastian because he knew more than anyone how hard it was for him to be there, trying to apologize. He was a little angry with Blaine, but more than anything just disappointed.

Trent had removed his blazer and tie in an attempt to not call unnecessary attention upon himself, in case the guys from New Directions noticed him. He didn't know exactly why he did it, and now as he saw how Blaine and the others suddenly got up and left, he feels a little silly trying to quickly put his tie back on.

He slowly walked up to the table where Sebastian was sitting alone and braced himself for whatever reaction he would get from him. Mostly, Trent just hoped it all worked out positively, even if Blaine didn't forgive Sebastian.

To his surprise, Sebastian didn't seem to be affected. If anything, he looked way better than he was before it all went down. He looked up at Trent as he walked over to sit in the chair in front of him again and smiled. Sebastian seemed relieved and even relaxed.

"How'd it go?" Trent asked.

"Well, it was…  _interesting,_ " Sebastian said with a nervous chuckle. "Not quite what I expected, but still good I guess. At least they didn't punch me in the face."

They both laughed at that and Sebastian started gathering his things. Trent figured he wouldn't get much detail out of him, even though he was dying for Sebastian to tell him everything.

"Let's go and I'll tell you about it on the way ok? I just really need to get outta here." Sebastian said and Trent just nodded in agreement as they both got up and walked outside towards his car.

During the ride home, Sebastian told him most of the things that were said and discussed at the Lima Bean with Blaine at the others. Trent didn't even need to ask many questions at all because Sebastian was talking a lot. Trent couldn't help but feel giddy inside that Sebastian seemed at such ease with him again; it was just like the way things used to be between them before all the mess happened.

Deep down Trent still had some reservations, and didn't quite want to have his hopes up, but he quickly shoved those thoughts to the back of his mind when they got to Sebastian's house and he asked if Trent wanted to come in.

Trent parked his car in the driveway; they got out and slowly walked inside together. Sebastian's house always seemed so big and empty, even with all the tasteful décor and expensive furniture and Trent couldn't help but feel a little intimidated by it.

Trent noticed one of Sebastian's dad's cars was missing from the driveway. It was hard not to notice the impressive black Cadillac Escalade every time he visited so he had instantly noticed its absence. It meant Mr. Smythe was in town but probably out somewhere and would be back later. Trent remembered the last time he'd seen him at Dalton as he was peeking on the heated conversation he was having with Sebastian and Trent wondered if things were still tense between them.

Once they entered the house, Trent quickly noticed Sebastian's mom in the living room reading the newspaper. She raised her eyes from her reading when she noticed them walking in, and Trent was about to head in and say hello when Sebastian grabbed him from the shoulders and pushed him in the direction of the stairs instead.

"Mom, Trent's here… we'll be in my room."

Trent only got the chance to wave with a quick "Hi Mrs. Smythe-" before Sebastian was practically shoving him upstairs.

"You didn't let me say hi to your mom… she'll think I'm rude!" Trent complained, giving Sebastian a playful smack in the arm as they walked into his room.

"Nah, she won't." Sebastian just shrugged off as he closed the door behind him and walked over to his desk.

Trent walked into the room and looked around waiting expectantly to see what Sebastian exactly had in mind when he asked him to come inside. But instead of saying anything Sebastian just started taking off his blazer and tie, putting them over the chair and turning on his laptop, so Trent walked over to Sebastian's bed and sat in the edge of it, right beside the desk to see what he was doing.

Sebastian opened his email client and started typing out something. He seemed to be really concentrated with whatever he was writing and Trent was just starting to get really curious as to what he was doing so he decided to just ask "Um… What are we doing?"

"Oh…" Sebastian said, a little startled. "Sorry I'm just… I'm going write an email to the guys, I got a few text messages while we were on the Lima Bean and promised to get back to them later via email."

Trent was surprised; he had also gotten some texts, and calls, not just a few though, more like a ton. They came mostly from Nick and David, wondering where the hell Sebastian and Trent were. He had tried his best to ignore the calls at first, he had let Nick know they weren't going to be at rehearsal before leaving Dalton after all, but he had been insisting so much that he just had to answer the phone. Trent had been really vague with Nick on the phone, David was with him because Nick had him on speaker so he just told them he was dealing with something Sebastian needed to take care of and that they would make up for the lost rehearsal time tomorrow.

"We're probably going to have to stay late tomorrow making up for the lost time." Trent said, waiting to see what Sebastian had to say, since he seemed very invested in his thoughts as he started blankly at the computer screen.

"Yeah…" Sebastian said. "We have to make some changes to the choreography lineup."

"What do you mean?" Trent was confused as to why Sebastian would want to change anything when the competition was only a few days away.

"Well, I don't think you should be dancing in the back row, for one." Sebastian said. "You're one of the better dancers, so we need you in the front. I'm thinking of having you switch places with Jon, actually."

Trent was surprised and it must have shown in his face because Sebastian smiled and continued talking. "Jon's too tall, and keeps messing up the steps. Same thing for Glad You Came, it's just not working very well."

Trent just gaped as he considered Sebastian's words. Sure, Jon had come up with the idea of doing Stand along with Jeff but he wasn't that great of a dancer, Jeff did better so they were all in front row with Sebastian, and usually Trent would have been in the front row too, but since things had been so tense between him and Sebastian Trent had placed himself in the background.

"I don't know what it is but it seems like he's trying to dance with bricks tied to his feet. So having him in the back row and you in the front will help with it. That way he can follow your lead and it will be better... Don't you agree?"

Trent just stared at him for a while, not sure of exactly what to say. The way the afternoon sun was coming in through the window and bathing the side of Sebastian's face, highlighting the green of his eyes was certainly not helping him concentrate.

"Well… yeah, I guess," he ended up saying with a bashful smile, not being able to help the warm feeling that grew inside him at the thought of dancing next to Sebastian at the competition. He just hoped everything with the Warblers and Regionals would work out for the best, because things were definitely starting to look better between Sebastian and him now.

Luckily, when they got to rehearsal the next day the rest of the Warblers agreed with Sebastian's new choreography arrangements and things went over smoothly over the last remaining days.

The week flew by and before they knew it was time for the competition. Trent could feel himself vibrating with the familiar nerves and excitement he always felt before an important performance. The thrill was running through him and he could feel the same energy coming from the rest of the Warblers as they arrived at the McKinley auditorium and found their way backstage. The backroom was small but still enough for the group to pace around and go over a few last minute details, making sure they were all in the same page before going on stage.

Fixing their ties, doing vocal warm-ups and whispering encouragements, the Warblers were ready. Trent was helping Jeff fix the knot of his tie right when he noticed Sebastian looking towards the door and slowly walking outside.  _That was strange._  Trent took a couple of steps to his right, not wanting to make it obvious that he was prying on wherever it was that Sebastian went, and he didn't need to go all the way to the door to notice Sebastian right outside the hallway talking to Blaine.

Trent couldn't help the small twist he felt his stomach do at the sight of the two boys talking by themselves in the dark hallway. The most he could do was try to read Sebastian's body language and from the way he was standing with his hands inside his pockets and how he slowly balanced himself in one leg at the time, Trent could tell that Sebastian was perhaps feeling a little self conscious or insecure. Sebastian had told Trent that he didn't think Blaine had really accepted his apology when they met at the Lima Bean, so what was Blaine doing then? What did he want? He hated himself for it, but Trent wished he could hear what they were saying. Whatever it was, Trent just hoped it was something positive. Maybe Blaine was just being a good sportsman and wishing him good luck? Although he could have done that by talking to the whole group, right? He didn't need to call Sebastian to the side to speak in private to do that. It surely must have been about something else then.

What also caught Trent's attention was the fact that Blaine was wearing an eye patch. That must have been why he was wearing the sunglasses the other day. Once he realized he was staring, Trent quickly shook himself out of his thoughts, feeling a little embarrassed for his behavior. He didn't' want to get caught eavesdropping on the conversation so he quickly returned to where Jeff and Nick where doing their vocal warm-ups. He tried to push all lingering thoughts aside as he focused on getting ready. He would never admit it to himself, but he was a little jealous, and he really didn't want to feel like that, especially not in a moment when he needed to concentrate and be ready to perform.

A few short minutes later, when Sebastian came back into the room, the expression on his face was unreadable. Trent couldn't help but wonder what happened. Sebastian didn't seem upset but he didn't look particularly happy either; he just seemed thoughtful, like he was struggling with something in his mind and was trying to forget about it as he rejoined the group.

"Okay guys, are we all ready?" Sebastian said with the best smile he could muster despite the conflicted emotions he must have been feeling, and the rest of the group replied: "Yes!" in unison. They were smiling and giddy with excitement as they huddled together before making their way to the stage. It was time for the show.

The performance was everything they could have possibly wished for. The choreography worked perfectly, their voices sounded amazing, and by the time they finished they were really proud of themselves. Trent was smiling so hard his face hurt, he could feel his heart beating fast every second of the time they were on stage. He was dancing next to Sebastian, and in one of the few moments when they made eye contact between dance moves and song lyrics, Sebastian winked at him and made his stomach explode with butterflies.

He felt silly but so happy at the same time; he almost messed up his lines because of how Sebastian's wink made him giggle inside. Trent was just happy to be having fun at Regionals, something he had almost given up the hope of being able to do a few weeks back.

He could see the audience was really into their performance, even the New Directions had stood and clapped along with their songs, and the other Dalton students who came with them to help them gather the donations seemed to beam with pride after the Warblers finished their performance.

Soon enough it was time for the New Directions to go on stage, and the Warblers had to go and sit with the rest of the audience while they performed. Trent sat next to Sebastian and didn't miss the way he smiled fondly as their competition performed. Trent couldn't exactly put a name on what he was feeling, but he was happy and even a little proud. After everything that had happened he never thought things would play out the way they had. It was interesting to see the new dynamic between Sebastian and the New Directions. They hadn't hesitated to support and cheer for the Warblers, and now the Warblers were returning the favor, standing up and cheering them on.

Blaine was only in 1 of the 3 numbers the New Directions performed, which Trent found to be extremely odd, though he was mostly surprised about how the New Directions were able to squeeze 3 different songs into the mandatory 10-minute limit each team had for their performance.

They all expected the New Directions to be good, however, nothing could have prepared them for what they witnessed on stage once their performance was over.

It was the turn for the Asheville 'Showstoppers' to perform, and they weren't good, they were perfect. The group was considerably larger in number than both the Warblers and the New Directions. Trent wasn't sure, but there could have been about 30 people singing and dancing in there. They sat back in awe as the Showstoppers performed an impressive version of Bohemian Rhapsody, followed by True To Your Heart. As if their amazing vocals weren't enough, their performance also included a few daring acrobatics.

Sebastian leaned over to Trent and whispered, "I can't believe all this time we were worried about New Directions… Look at these guys!"

Before Trent could lift his jaw from the floor enough to be able to respond with anything, Nick leaned over to him from where he was sitting on his other side and said, "We are screwed, aren't we?"

It sure looked like it.

When it was time for the judges to announce the winners and all three groups were called to go back on stage, Trent was sure he was about to throw up. He really wanted to win, but at that point it was really hard to tell what the outcome of the competition would be. All three performances had been so different and unique; any of the teams could win, depending on what the judges were looking for.

Trent kept throwing glances at Sebastian and was surprised to see him clearly feeling uneasy. He was frowning a little and his lips were drawn in a tight line as he stared directly at the audience where Trent was sure he could spot Sebastian's mother sitting next to a couple of people he couldn't quite recognize.

Just as the ridiculous vampire judge got on stage and got ready to announce the results, Trent saw Sebastian close his eyes and breathe deeply. He instinctively reached out and put his hand on Sebastian's back, giving him a friendly nudge and, at that, Sebastian turned his head to the side to look at him, his features easing into a warm smile.

"In third place, from Westerville The Dalton Academy Warblers!"

Trent couldn't help but feel extremely disappointed and sad. He watched as Sebastian slowly walked over to receive their trophy and the rest of the Warblers had no choice but to just put on their best resigned smiles as the audience pathetically clapped for them with cheers of encouragement.

_This sucked._

Now it was time for the first place winner to be announced, and Trent was still feeling a little dizzy and his head was heavy from holding up his breath. The result of the competition as it turned out, was extremely unexpected.

"And now the moment we've all been waiting for…" The judge started, and while Trent just gaped, still stunned about their shocking loss. "The 2012 Midwest regional champions are… from Asheville City High, The Showstoppers!"

When the Showstoppers were proclaimed as winners, he could see Sebastian's eyes go wide in surprise, as if for a minute he thought the outcome would be different. He couldn't tell exactly why, but it seemed as if Sebastian was more upset about the New Directions losing to the Showstoppers than he was about the Warblers getting 3rd place.

Soon enough Trent figured out why. As he turned to look at the New Directions he couldn't help but feel bad for them, looking at their disappointed faces, pained expressions and even… tears? Kurt was crying and so was Rachel, and Blaine was just… he seemed really upset.

It must be awful to lose in your own court, and more when you put so much effort into your performance, he sure knew. The Warblers had worked really hard in what they did that day, but truth be told, the Showstoppers had been much better. He was surprised when all of the sudden he felt am arm swing around his neck and pull him into a tight embrace, and then he realized it was Jeff, who was congratulating everybody and trying to cheer them up as all the groups dissolved and proceeded to get off the stage while the winners celebrated their victory along with the people who came from their hometown to support them.

The group of people was small in comparison to everyone else who was in the McKinley auditorium, people who were obviously rooting for their hometown Glee club and were disappointed because of their loss. But that didn't mean the Showstoppers were not able to celebrate it big.

Even with all the confetti flying all over the auditorium, and the clapping and cheering that filled the atmosphere, it all just felt bittersweet for Trent as the Warblers made their way off their stage to reunite with their families, gather their things, and leave. Some of the guys approached the New Directions and shook hands with them. Trent walked next to Jeff as they made their way through the group to find Blaine and shake hands. When he turned to look for Sebastian he was nowhere to be found.

They were supposed to return as a group back to Dalton riding the bus, but most of them were going to return with their respective family members who had gotten there to support them. Trent found his parents and sister and hugged them tightly.

"You were amazing honey…" Trent's mom said with proud smile. His dad and sister hugged him too and congratulated him as they made their way outside.

On their way out Trent spotted Sebastian talking to his mother and the people she was sitting with. Sebastian's posture made it pretty obvious he would rather be anywhere else and, if the fake smile he had on his face was any indication, he was about to let them know in any minute. His eyes were constantly drifting to the side where Jon, Jeff, Thad and the others were in a circle talking.

"Mom, dad… I'll meet you at the car ok?" Trent said, excusing himself and approaching the group. Soon enough Sebastian managed to do the same and get to where the rest of the guys were cheerfully talking.

"We definitely have to get Thad to the top of the pyramid!" David said, and Thad gave him a playful smack on the arm as he practically bent over from laughing so hard.

"Why should I be in top of the pyramid? I say we put Jeff on top!"

"What? No!" Jeff laughed, "There's no way you could lift me up anyway… I'm taller than you!"

"You're taller but you're thinner, so probably lighter." Jon quickly said.

"He does have a point there!" Nick added, pinching Jeff on the side as to feel his ribs, which made him do a cute little surprised jump. Just the shocked look on Jeff's face was enough to have the whole group burst out in laughter again.

"What are you guys talking about?" Trent asked, since both him and Sebastian were feeling a little out of the loop from the conversation they were having.

"Well, since we just had a taste of what the newest trend in show choir performances is, we need to step up our game for next time, don't you agree?" David explained, not being able to keep a straight face.

"That's right! We're getting our gymnastics up in here!" Jon said, stretching out his arms, simulating the moves they'd seen during the performance of the winning team.

"You mock us, sir! We are a serious show choir, not a cheerleading squad!" Thad said rolling his eyes and shaking his head. Trying his best to keep a straight face but not quite succeeding.

They all laughed at that, they definitely had seen a lot of different and challenging dance routines in their past experiences in other competitions, but The Showstoppers that day had made honor to their name with impressive acrobatics that none of the Warblers would be able to do even in their wildest dreams.

"Well we could definitely set it as a challenge for the junior Warblers." Sebastian said, patting Louis and Jack, two of the junior members in in the shoulder. "Us seniors won't get another shot but you guys have more than enough time before Sectionals next year, maybe you can pull it off."

They all laughed again and it felt good to just be able to enjoy the moment and the fact that they were doing what they loved together as a team. Despite their loss, the Warblers were smiling and being optimistic, and it was the thing that Trent loved the most about being a Warbler.

"Wait, but we do have one more performance to plan for this year!" David said.

"Right! The formal! We still have to prepare a number for the Formal!" Nick added a bit too enthusiastically and suddenly Sebastian's expression changed, he squinted his eyes looking a little confused.

"Seb, you're part of the student council. Hasn't it come up yet?" Trent asked, surprised to see Sebastian looking like he had no idea what they were talking about.

"The annual Formal at Crawford Country Day…" Nick continued, "The Warblers are always expected to put together a number. It's tradition!"

"Really?" Sebastian said, looking surprised and a little impressed, "I didn't think Dalton had anything like that, being an all boys Academy and all."

"Yeah well, since Crawford Country Day is our sister Academy, we pretty much have no choice," Trent said and once again they all laughed.

"I think we should be more worried about practicing our ballroom dancing than about learning freaking gymnastics!" Thad said "I don't think any of you would want to be embarrassed by not being able to ask a lady out to dance."

They all nodded and seemed to agree. Maybe the competition for Nationals was not going to happen for the Warblers this year, but they definitely still had something to look forward to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you so much for reading! Life has been a litte bit hectic for me lately, but I hope to not take too long between updates. For those interested, I am pretty certain now that this story will be 13 chapters total. So I hope you are excited for the following 3 chapters, because I sure am :)


	11. Chapter 11

The days following the Regionals competition were,  _interesting_ , to say the least.

Sebastian's father had been very disappointed and angry with him when he found out about the Warblers ending up in 3rd place. He was convinced that Sebastian failed on purpose just to humiliate him for making him do something he didn't want to. In all honesty, the thought of doing that had never even crossed Sebastian's mind, but he had to admit (even if only to himself) that pissing his father off like that felt rather good. He knew he hadn't done it on purpose, and his mother seemed to believe him, so Sebastian didn't say anything when his father told him he would remain grounded "indefinitely".

Turns out Sebastian didn't get his car back for 4 more weeks. He had never been grounded for such a long time before, and it was getting tiresome. At least he was lucky to be in good terms with Trent again, since that meant he could catch a ride with him when school was out. Anyone else might think that having a driver would be a wonderful thing, but for Sebastian it was boring and irritating. It limited his freedom to a very large degree since Greg had to let his parents know whenever he was driving Sebastian somewhere else that wasn't Dalton or his house.

He could get away with random outings with Trent and the Warblers or with his friends from the Lacrosse team, but it just wasn't the same. Sebastian was too proud and didn't like to be asking for rides unless it was Trent, and so he depended on Greg driving him to and from the places he wanted to be. He hadn't been to a bar in more than a month and that was surely something that didn't happen often. The interesting thing was that Sebastian found himself not missing the clubbing scene all that much.

Things with the Warblers had smoothed out after the competition, and they had their usual rehearsals more for fun than anything. Since the competitions were over, they could enjoy singing and dancing for the fun of it and it helped any remaining tension between the group and Sebastian dissipate completely. Still, they had plenty of time to prepare the number they were expected to put together for the Formal, which was set to be in late May.

Sebastian decided to lay back; he didn't care to take the lead for the remaining Warbler performances and so the group had agreed to make "auditions" for the solo, which was more like a contest for ideas. Since Sebastian was not interested in getting the lead, the rest of the guys were more than excited to have their try at winning the precious spot to perform at the Formal.

Trent had come up with several ideas and was determined to get it. He and Sebastian spent many afternoons together practicing and going over song possibilities before Trent's audition in front of the whole group. Whenever they were done with their Biology projects or other homework, they would focus on finding just the perfect song for him to sing.

That was until it was announced that Thad, David and Sebastian were going to be the jury who would evaluate all the auditions. After that, Trent told Sebastian he was going to decide the song and practice on his own so that Sebastian wouldn't be biased for the auditions. He didn't want Thad and David thinking Sebastian would vote for him just because he helped Trent pick the song. It was a risk he didn't want to take.

The day of the auditions, it turned out that a lot of the Warblers were participating, and so it was decided that the jury would have a private discussion after the auditions and take a vote on who would sing at the Formal. So after giving out turns to audition, it began.

There was a lot of variety among all auditions; some of the guys worked together for duets and group numbers, others went solo. When it was finally his turn, Trent stood in front of the group after placing his iPod on the player and started singing.

_When the rain is blowing in your face_   
_And the whole world is on your case_   
_I could offer you a warm embrace_   
_To make you feel my love_

The arrangement was beautiful and different, and the look on Sebastian's face was clearly questioning as to how he got the piano arrangement for the song, since it was so unique.

_When the evening shadows and the stars appear_   
_And there is no one there to dry your tears_   
_I could hold you for a million years_   
_To make you feel my love_

Trent put all his heart and soul into the song. He didn't want to get too emotional as to mess up his voice, but the lyrics to the song were so close to his heart that he couldn't help it. He only hoped the performance was good enough for the judges to give him the chance to perform at the Formal.

_I could make you happy make your dreams come true_   
_Nothing that I wouldn't do_   
_Go to the ends of the Earth for you_   
_To make you feel my love._

Trent tried his best to avoid Sebastian's gaze for the remaining of his song, just so he wouldn't get nervous and distracted. There were claps and congratulations after Trent finished the song. When he finally made eye contact with Sebastian again, Trent was happy to see the other boy offer him a warm smile as he clapped.

There had been just so little chances for him to showcase his voice, and many of the guys were pleasantly surprised. That gave Trent a bit of hope for the results.

After all the auditions were done, the jury dismissed the group so they could discuss and choose the winner behind closed doors. They all waited outside the room for about 20 minutes before they finally were called back in. The anticipation was palpable among the group; every one wanted the opportunity so bad.

When the group returned to the room and were greeted again by Sebastian, Thad and David, Trent didn't even have to wait for the announcement before he knew. The pained smile on Sebastian's face when he made eye contact with him gave it away: _he didn't get it._

The winners ended up being Nick and Jeff who were singing a duet of Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney. It was fair, Trent guessed, even if it hurt to lose. They had come up with an arrangement that allowed for a beautiful acapella accompaniment and swift dance moves for the choreography.

Since the auditions were done 3 weeks before the formal, that gave the Warblers more than enough time to practice and get ready to perform.

After everyone had finished congratulating Nick and Jeff on their win, it was time to leave. Trent didn't want to be a sore loser, but he was really disappointed he didn't get the solo. He tried his best not to let it show as he and Sebastian walked outside towards the parking lot, headed to where their cars were parked right next to each other.

"So, are you excited about the formal?" Sebastian asked.

Trent just snorted. "Yeah, I guess."

"You don't sound too excited."

Trent just tried his best to smile and shrug it off. But apparently Sebastian wasn't about to just let it go.

"Is it because you didn't get the solo?"

"What? No… no, that's not it! It's fine, it's just…" Trent hesitated.

"It's just what?"

"Well, I don't know, last year the Formal was…" Trent stumbled over his words, not sure of how to explain himself. Last year's dance had been pretty decent, but it hadn't been anything outstanding, not really.

"Did it suck?" Sebastian asked, eyeing Trent curiously like he knew there was something he wasn't telling him. Trent tried not to blush under Sebastian's scrutiny.

"No, it was alright. I guess."

"Come on, it's a dance. How bad can it be? You like to dance right?" Sebastian prodded him with the elbow on his side and Trent smiled.

"Yeah but it's  _ballroom dancing_! It's different."

"So… You can't ballroom dance? Is that it?" Sebastian said with a teasing grin.

"I'm actually a very good dancer thank you very much."

"Then what is it?" Sebastian seemed determined to get answers out of him. So Trent figured he might as well just tell him about his woes at the Formal last year.

It had been… nice; as nice as a dance could be when you went without a date. It wasn't that he had a problem asking girls out to dance because he was gay, but it still felt weird. Girls were always so awkward, and the fact that the rule for the Formal was that students weren't allowed to bring dates unless they went to either of both schools just made things even more complicated. It was either ask someone to dance, or sit out the entire night, which was horribly boring, and pathetic. But that was sort of what helped the whole point of the Formal to be accomplished; Dalton Academy and Crawford Country Day held the yearly Formal dance as a way to encourage students from both schools to interact and collaborate with each other.

The student groups that interacted on a regular basis had an advantage, as they were already familiar with many of the girls from the other school. There were the debate teams, the Lacrosse and Basketball teams who knew the cheerleaders, and because of the proximity of both schools, it was very common to see Dalton students in relationships with girls from Crawford Country Day. However, for the Warblers it wasn't really the case, as the Nightingales, the show choir group from the other school was actually their competition, and one they would continuously beat at sectionals every year.

Last year Trent had been switching between dancing with Lea, Jeff's older sister, and taking turns dancing with Nick and Jeff. He had a fairly good time, but once Lea had gone off to dance with some guy from Dalton who asked her, he was left to try his luck with the girls sitting in the corners, and after a few tries and awkward dances, he couldn't help but feel like the third wheel between Nick and Jeff.

He spent the rest of the night sitting it out on one of the tables with a girl named Joanne after a very awkward dance. She kept talking on and on about her girlfriend and how she had refused to attend the formal because she still wasn't out of the closet and she refused to have to dance with boys. Trent was trapped listening to her insufferable complaining. He couldn't escape her and ended up just nodding, half paying attention and half hating himself while she went on and on about her personal life for which Trent had no real interest at all.

Truth is, he had a really hard time saying "no" to people. He didn't want to be rude, and so he ended up purposely spilling a little bit of his drink in his pants just so he could be excused.

Sebastian was laughing and giggling as he seemed to find Trent's misadventures at the Formal extremely hilarious, and Trent was feeling increasingly annoyed by him.

"Stop making fun of me!" Trent said, smacking him playfully in the arm as they both reached their cars. Trent opened the passenger side to put his stuff inside his car as Sebastian kept giggling.

"I'm not making fun of you! It's just funny, that's all."

"You only think its funny 'cause you weren't there!"

"Yes, exactly, but this year I am here. So it's going to be awesome!"

Trent just rolled his eyes. He could already picture in his mind how "awesome" it would be, with Sebastian probably spending all night being asked to dance by all the enthusiastic cheerleaders who were always drooling over him at their Lacrosse games.

"If you say so…" Trent said sarcastically.

"I'm serious!" Sebastian said, still chuckling like annoying Trent was the most entertaining thing he could think of. "Let me prove it…" Sebastian said, grabbing Trent's shoulder so he would turn around from his car and face him, "Go with me, and I guarantee you will have the best time ever."

Trent squinted his eyes and lifted an eyebrow in an incredulous look, not quite sure of what Sebastian meant. "Go with you…" he said tentatively.

"Yes, go with me to the Formal."

Trent just gaped while trying to play it cool as much as he could. Go with him to the formal? Like, together? Surely Sebastian wouldn't mean it that way. Or would he? Trent didn't know exactly what Sebastian's question implied, and he found himself caught off guard. He urged his brain to say something, but nothing came up, instead he just stared.

Sebastian crossed his arms in front of him and studied Trent for a while with a serious expression that lasted about half a second before it turned mischievous. "What? You're gonna play hard to get?"

Sebastian stared directly at Trent as he spoke and that's all it took for him to burst out laughing nervously. He tried to make it seem like he just found the whole thing ridiculous instead, hoping it would be believable. "Shut up! Yes… okay, let's go together."

"Alright!" Sebastian said enthusiastically with a huge smile on his face before turning to his car and getting inside. Just before driving away, Sebastian lowered his window and said: "See? It's already better than last year. You got yourself a hot date!"

Trent laughed out loud as Sebastian winked at him, he was shaking his head and feeling absolutely flustered as he saw Sebastian drive away. Once he was alone the reality hit him: He was Sebastian's date to the Formal.

Okay, now Trent's stomach was officially doing back-flips.

The next few days before the formal went smoothly. Sebastian was acting normal and so Trent decided to do the same. He didn't want to make a big deal about it; after all, they were just friends, and that's probably how it was always going to be.

Still, that didn't mean that he couldn't be excited. And truth be told, Trent was really, really excited. For once he was actually looking forward to the school dance. He had a date! He was going to go with someone he liked, and most importantly, a boy he liked. He would dance and have fun and be with his friends without having to worry about being pressured to ask some random girl out to dance.

His mom had all but squealed when he told her about Sebastian asking him to the Formal, she was really supportive and excited for him, even though Trent told her over and over again that it probably didn't really mean anything, that they were going just as friends. It was the same thing he'd told Nick when Trent inevitably had to tell him that he was going to go with Sebastian, as Nick thought they would just do the same thing as the previous year and he would pick him up along with Jeff. He had asked the other boy to please not make a big deal out of it, but Nick had relentlessly teased him about the whole thing, quickly telling Jeff about it even when Trent had specifically asked him not to.

Between his mom and his friends, Trent was having hard time trying to stay calm and collected about the whole thing. It certainly didn't help that Sebastian asked him about what he was going to wear, just to make sure they "matched". Trent told him he planned on wearing a black suit with a white dress shirt and a burgundy tie, and Sebastian nodded in approval before telling Trent to "be ready at six." Trent's stomach did a little jump and he couldn't stop he huge smile that it brought to his face.

And so Trent stood in front of the mirror in his room for the longest of times, all dressed up and ready but still checking every single detail of his outfit, hair-do and overall appearance to make sure everything was perfect. He felt happy and bubbly just thinking about all the possibilities for the night. He was excited in a way he had never been before, and he welcomed the feeling. For once the uncertainty and nerves he usually felt before a school dance were not there. He knew for a fact he was going to have a good time.

He was still undecided on whether he should wear the burgundy handkerchief in his pocket or if it would be too much. He was carefully folding it for the thousandth time when he heard his mom call him from downstairs: "Trent! Sebastian's here!"

He took a deep breathe to soothe himself, wishing the butterflies in his stomach to die because he didn't want to let show just how excited he was. As he walked down the stairs, Trent could see Sebastian standing in the entryway charmingly talking to his mother. Trent's dad was nowhere in sight.

As he finally walked over to where they were standing, Trent could fully appreciate just how good Sebastian looked. He was wearing a fashionable black suit that was probably some designer brand with a skinny black tie and a crisp white shirt. His hair was perfectly styled but in a different way than what he usually wore to school. Trent was interrupted from taking in Sebastian's appearance as he realized what the taller boy was holding in his hands.

It was a small transparent box holding a single rose boutonniere. Trent couldn't help but gape and smile as he realized it matched perfectly with the color of his tie, and also that Sebastian was wearing one too. They matched. Trent's mother's smile was so wide that Trent wondered if her cheeks were going to hurt.

"Well hello there. Looking good are we?" Sebastian said lifting an eyebrow teasingly and if Trent wasn't feeling flustered before then, he definitely was now. But he just nodded in approval before replying as nonchalantly as he possibly could with an "Always!" which provoked both Sebastian and his own mother to laugh. He then quickly added: "You're looking good too!"

Sebastian, still smiling, opened the small box to take out the boutonniere. He didn't even need to ask Trent's mom for help because she quickly took the empty box away from Sebastian's hands so he could carefully place the boutonniere on Trent's left lapel. It only took a couple of seconds, but something about having Sebastian up in his personal space and the way he focused his eyes tentatively on Trent's face before looking down to make sure the small rose was placed correctly in his suit just made the gesture feel much more intimate than it probably had to.

They said their goodbyes to Trent's mom and left. Trent was just thankful she hadn't intervened to take a picture of them like she'd said she wanted to; he was also glad his dad was resting in his room and hadn't come down while Sebastian was there. He had briefly mentioned that Sebastian was picking him up for the Formal, but he hadn't gone into the details like he did with his mom. Trent wondered if his dad suspected anything but it wasn't likely, and besides, it wasn't like Trent had a real date with Sebastian, they were just going to the Formal as friends. Yes, he needed to keep reminding himself that.

Since it was still early and they had more than enough time to get something to eat before heading to the dance, Sebastian decided to take Trent to a local Italian Restaurant. Trent had never been there before and it was a nice distraction. While they were waiting in the restaurant for their meals, they just talked about things like they would any other day. Nothing felt different, and that certainly helped Trent settle down from the nerves and jumpiness he was feeling earlier.

By the time they arrived to the Formal, Trent was feeling relaxed and confident. They walked side by side across the parking lot and towards the school's main entrance in comfortable silence, watching to their sides at the other people who were also arriving. Once they stepped into the main entrance Sebastian nudged Trent and offered his arm. Trent felt a warm feeling grow inside him and he couldn't help but giggle a bit at the gesture.

They smiled as they walked through the doors and into the line where all the couples could get photographed upon arrival. And okay, this was doing nothing to ease Trent's nerves now. The butterflies in his stomach had returned full force and he could not stop smiling even if he tried.

Dalton and Crawford Country Day were very accepting in regards to same sex couples attending the Formal and being overall affectionate in school grounds. The rules were no different than the ones applied to straight couples, but that didn't mean that they wouldn't still catch attention just by walking into the dance, linked arms and matching smiles, both wearing their burgundy rose boutonnieres.

Trent spotted some familiar faces among a group of girls from who he was certain were part of the Crawford Country Day cheerleading squad. It was painfully obvious how they were trying hard to play it cool while they nervously whispered among themselves once they saw Sebastian walking in.

Sebastian, being his usual charming self, politely nodded acknowledging the girls as they walked past them and into the ballroom. That got him a few shy smiles and waves in response, but one of the girls just huffed and rolled her eyes, as if Sebastian's polite gesture had personally offended her.

Trent wondered what that was about, but Sebastian didn't seem to mind her at all, as he then put his free hand over Trent's arm as they walked inside.

Taking in his surroundings, Trent felt like he was in a dream. Everything looked perfect, it was a definite improvement from last year, though Trent wondered if his good mood had anything to do with how he was suddenly appreciating his surroundings, since he could really not remember how this room looked like the previous year. Every step he took while he was holding Sebastian's arm felt like walking in clouds. He surely never felt as proud and confident as he did that night. The room was exquisitely decorated with twinkle lights hanging from the columns, large bouquets of flowers graced the centerpieces of the tables, and the dance floor looked just majestic. It was to be expected, since the ballroom itself was even fancier and bigger than the one they had at Dalton. On the roof, giant chandeliers lit up the place, creating an elegant yet soft and somehow even romantic atmosphere.

Once inside, they quickly spotted several of the Warblers who were already there and went over so they could sit together until the dance officially started. They sat at the table along with David and his girlfriend, who were apparently the first ones to arrive. Nick and Jeff were also sitting there, listening to Thad, who did not bring a date and was taking pointers from Jon as to who they could ask out to dance.

It took only a couple of more minutes until the room was full of people, so after the few welcome words from the School Principal, the dance officially began. There was a band playing and the student group was encouraged to take their respective dates to have their first dance. Trent sat looking straight up to the dance floor, smiling as he saw the couples dancing. From the corner of his eye Trent could see Sebastian was doing the same thing. After a few minutes Trent silently wondered if he should ask Sebastian to dance or if maybe it was better to just wait. He could feel the anxiety and nerves creeping up on him, but he was shaken out of his thoughts before he could torture himself some more once Sebastian got up, extended his hand and asked, "May I have this dance?"

Trent felt heat bubble up from his stomach to his face and smiled, taking Sebastian's hand and walking towards the dance floor together. He didn't miss the way Nick winked at him from where he was dancing with Jeff, but he tried not to be affected by his teasing. Trent was thankful for the dim lights of the room; hoping that way Sebastian wouldn't notice him blushing.

Dancing with Sebastian was unexpectedly easy and comfortable. Once Trent got over the fact that Sebastian had one of his hands on his waist and his face just a few inches away from his, he was able to follow his lead and dance along. The height difference between them was nice; Trent was not much shorter than Sebastian but he was still noticeably taller and so as they kept dancing and turning along with the music, Sebastian pressed his face to the side of Trent's and his mouth was just inches away from his ear.

Trent felt shivers running though him, but he tried his best to keep his breathing even and his heart from jumping out of his chest.

He was not deluding himself into thinking Sebastian thought of tonight as a romantic date, but that didn't mean Trent couldn't enjoy every second of it and pretend for a minute that they were more than friends. Trent's mind wandered away as the music slowed down and they danced closer to each other, thinking about what it would be like to have Sebastian as his boyfriend. How being close to him like this on a regular basis would be like, wishing he was able to rest his head on Sebastian's shoulder as he wanted to so badly without having to worry about crossing a line and embarrassing himself.

They were moving together, dancing in comfortable silence until a girl dancing a few steps away from them caught Trent's attention. She was looking over her date's shoulder straight at them with an indignant look on her face. It took only half a second for Trent to realize it was the same girl they saw earlier with the group of cheerleaders. She was really pretty, her red hair perfectly styled and she was wearing a small tiara. Her dress fit her slim figure perfectly and the guy she was dancing with looked like he was in heaven. Her face however, was a different story. She looked personally offended by them, and Trent didn't understand why.

"If looks could kill…" Trent said quietly to Sebastian, causing him to glance to where the girl was dancing with her date.

Trent thought she would be embarrassed when Sebastian noticed her glaring but if anything, she looked even more upset.

"Just ignore her." Sebastian said nonchalantly, turning them again so his back was turned to her.

"You'd think people going to this school would be more open minded…" Trent started, assuming she was offended because they were two guys dancing together. "She looks like we're offending her just by being here."

Sebastian was surprised by Trent's words and he chuckled, "No… she's not homophobic, she's just jealous."

Trent didn't understand what Sebastian meant by that. He just looked up at him with a frown, urging Sebastian to elaborate on his remarks.

"Her name is Michele. Michele Stewart, head cheerleader. She is just wounded cause I refused to go out with her."

Trent huffed at that. She did seem like the kind of girl who would be used to having guys being all over her. Even as a gay man he could appreciate the girl was really beautiful, and being head cheerleader she must be really popular as well.

"It was so awkward…" Sebastian continued, laughing as he spoke "I usually don't elaborate on my sexuality with girls that come on to me, I figure just saying no would get them to back off, right? But Michele was very persistent."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah… She was insufferable. Constantly coming to talk to me after Lacrosse practices, slipping little notes on my locker, she just wouldn't accept that I was not interested. I was doing my best to let her down easy, but that didn't work. So I tried ignoring her, which also didn't work. One day she came on to me, with two of her friends tagging along, figuring maybe that I wouldn't blow her off in front of them…" Sebastian laughed again, "But you know me."

And oh god, Trent was already coming up with a couple of different scenarios about how Sebastian must have blown her off. It must have been pretty awful, if the look on the girl's face was any indication.

"That poor girl." Trent said, feeling sorry for her all of the sudden, even if he couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of her situation.

"Don't feel sorry for her…" Sebastian said abruptly, "She is crazy. Last week she spilled some crappy coffee drink on my duffel bag while I was in practice!"

"Wow…" was all Trent could say. Suddenly the loathsome look on her face made a little bit more sense.

Trent couldn't believe it, and he wish it wasn't so funny, because he was laughing at Sebastian's words, surprised that this girl could loathe him so much that she would do such an immature thing.

"Yeah… I still have to find a way to get back at her."

Trent just smiled and shook his head. Seeing Sebastian so worked up about this girl was funny in an endearing way.

"Well…" Trent started, looking over Sebastian's shoulder to where the girl was. "I think you already did. I mean, just by not being her date to the Formal, I bet that's why she's pretty livid."

Sebastian giggled at that, and turned to look at her before pulling Trent a little closer to him as they resumed their dancing for a different song. He seemed to be lost in thought for a little while before speaking softly into Trent's ear.

"I wonder what would happen if I kissed you right now."

Trent felt like a bucket of cold water was dropped on his head. Was Sebastian serious right now? He was trying hard not to tense up in Sebastian's arms, so he just shook his head slowly as he let out a choked laugh, he couldn't think of anything rational to say to that so he just said, "Don't be ridiculous."

Sebastian laughed at that too, and Trent felt a little better about his sudden words. That is, until Sebastian spoke again, "I'm serious."

Trent kept softly shaking his head, trying hard to make it seem like he just thought Sebastian was being silly, when inside he was screaming because what would happen if Sebastian kissed him right now? He would probably die, that's what.

"Oh, stop." Trent replied, trying his best to sound annoyed. To be honest, there was nothing he wanted more than to kiss Sebastian, but not just to spite some random girl.

"Why?" Sebastian insisted. "It's not like we've never kissed before."

And right then Trent felt like his stomach had dropped to his feet. Sebastian remembered the kiss. Sebastian actually remembered their kiss!

Trent felt his face start burning up as he remembered that night that seemed so long ago, when they were alone in Sebastian's house, drunk and sloppily kissing in the couch before falling asleep.

He was at a loss. What was he supposed to say now? He thought Sebastian didn't remember the kiss, since they never really talked about it. And now Sebastian was bringing it up, but why? Was he serious about kissing him right now, in public? Trent just didn't understand, and the worse part was not knowing what was going through Sebastian's mind at that very moment, because Trent really, really didn't want to over think things. He knew if he allowed himself to do it, it would only end up in heartbreak. He knew he should probably say something, that Sebastian was probably expecting him to react but he couldn't muster any words. He felt dizzy and overwhelmed because of the proximity of their bodies and the butterflies in his stomach had him feeling like he was going to pass out.

So instead of speaking, he just let out a frustrated sigh.

"What?" Sebastian asked softly, pressing his chin to the side of Trent's face.

"Nothing. I just… I thought you didn't remember."

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Well…" Trent hesitated, willing his voice not to betray him right now. "I… We were drunk… and we never talked about it. I just figured you didn't remember, or… that maybe you didn't want to remember."

Sebastian said nothing, he just held Trent tighter to his chest and they kept moving slowly as they danced. Trent wished he could read Sebastian's mind, or even look at him to see if he could read the expression on his face, but he couldn't see him because of the way they were holding each other at the moment. Now Sebastian had both his hands on his back, and Trent had both his hands resting on Sebastian's chest.

"I'm sorry." Sebastian said, "I do remember, though. I remember everything." Sebastian's voice was soft and it soothed Trent somehow to know that he did remember, and that even then things hadn't changed or become awkward between them.

However, that also meant something, because nothing else had happened between them after they'd kissed that night. They had remained friends, just friends. So maybe that fact alone was all the confirmation Trent needed about Sebastian's feelings towards him. They were friends that just happened to kiss once; but nothing more.

Trent couldn't help but wonder what Sebastian could have been thinking back then when he decided to kiss him. And what was Sebastian thinking right now, bringing it up. More than anything, Trent just wished he could stop torturing himself about the whole thing.  
And so he decided to just say nothing and wait. They were silent for a few moments until Sebastian spoke again. "I promise I'm a better kisser when I'm sober." He teased softly to his ear, which made Trent giggle nervously. Only Sebastian would say something like that in a moment like this.

With the smile on his face, Trent took a deep breath and relaxed into Sebastian's embrace, willing his mind to stop reeling with all these conflicting thoughts.

For what seemed like hours, none of them said anything. The music was slow and there was something very intimate about the way Sebastian was holding him. For a moment Trent was able to ignore his own conflicting emotions and decided to just enjoy the moment.

It was like there was no one else in the room except them, and he was lost in the feeling of Sebastian's arms on his lower back, the scent of his cologne, and the feeling of his breath next to his ear.

Unfortunately the moment didn't last for long, as the music slowly faded away and soon enough the principal was up in the stage again, announcing it was time for the Nightingales to perform. That meant that the Warblers needed to get ready as they had to perform right after them.

When Sebastian pulled away from their embrace, Trent tried not to feel too disappointed and made his best effort to keep a smile on his face as they walked back to their table to find the rest of the guys.

He was feeling extremely overwhelmed after everything that happened, but he knew needed to get himself together. He was having a great night up until Sebastian mentioned the kiss, and Trent didn't want to have that ruin it for him. He wanted to continue having a good time, and not dwell on the past and things that would never happen again. He was determined to push all lingering hopes of ever having something more than friendship with Sebastian away to the back of his mind, but when Sebastian put his hand on the small of his back, Trent felt his resolve melt away.

He wanted to cry because of all these little affectionate details and gentle touches Sebastian kept giving him, knowing that after the night ended he would never feel them again and he would probably spend weeks or even months thinking about them, missing them, missing Sebastian.

Luckily, the performance of the Nightingales distracted him enough to get his mind off things for a while. He was so focused and amazed watching the girls sing and dance so gracefully that he completely missed the way Sebastian was staring at him the whole time as he stood only a few feet away from him.

And then when it was finally the Warblers' turn to perform. Trent was glad for the familiar rush and excitement of performing, because it helped him relax and just have fun. Nick and Jeff did great, everyone loved their rendition of Beautiful Soul and most of the crowd even started singing along. All in all, it was definitely the best time he'd ever had at a dance in all his school years.

After the performance, they spent the remaining of the night hanging out in the table with the rest of the guys. Thad and Jon had their fair share of fun stories to tell about their adventures and misadventures while asking girls out to dance. It had been a great night for everyone. Trent was happy to be able to spend time with his friends and enjoy their last dance as Dalton students. Next year most of them would be off to college and these little things like formal dances and Warbler performances would only be fond memories to look back at.

Before they knew it, it was time to leave. Trent wasn't ready for the night to be over, but he was a little tired, even if he didn't want to admit it. He was glad his house was not that far away from the school, that way he wouldn't risk falling asleep on the ride home.

They said their goodbyes and walked outside towards the parking lot. Trent could tell Sebastian was probably tired too, since the first thing he did once they were inside the car was to rest his head against the steering wheel before loosening the knot of his tie a little.

"Are you tired?" Trent asked as he slowly removed his tie, mimicking Sebastian's actions. He was a little tired from the dancing and the singing and he was just glad he could finally take it off and relax a little.

"Nah… We could totally still go for some drinks right now before heading home if you're up for it." Sebastian said with a wink and that devilish smile of his.

Trent almost choked on his own breath.

"I'm kidding!" Sebastian said before starting the car, "Let's get you home before your mom calls the cops on me."

"She wouldn't." Trent replied, shaking his head and still laughing a little because of Sebastian's words.

The ride back home was short and silent. Trent remained thoughtful as they listened to some of the songs in Sebastian's iPod, thankful for the lovely evening and already wishing they could do it all over again.

From the corner of his eye Trent could see Sebastian was relaxed and focused on the road. He looked so handsome when he was driving, and Trent couldn't help but sigh and turn to face the other way.

Once they got to Trent's house, Sebastian pulled into the driveway, and settled the car using the parking brake to keep the engine running as he looked out the window towards Trent's house. The light from the porch was still on, but the rest of the windows in the house were dark.

"So, this is it! Did you have fun?" he asked.

Trent took a deep breath and smiled "Yes, I had a great time, thanks Seb."

Sebastian said nothing, just smiled fondly at him before nodding. "No need to thank me. I had a great time too, you know?"

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Good."

There was an awkward tension building between them as the silence stretched for a bit too long. Trent was sure it must be all in his head because Sebastian didn't look tense or nervous at all, just a little hesitant maybe.

"So, um… be careful on the ride home okay?"

"I will."

"Okay… Goodbye Seb."

And with that, Trent opened his door quickly and got out of the car before things could get any more awkward, at least on his part.

Once he started walking towards his house, Trent felt like he could finally breathe. He was smiling like an idiot and wondering if Sebastian would wait until he got into his house of if he was just going to drive away.

Before he could find out though, he heard the sound of Sebastian's car's engine being turned off, followed by the sound the door, and Sebastian's steps going after him.

He turned around just in time to see Sebastian walking up to him, but before he could think anything of it, he saw Sebastian holding something in his hand.

"You forgot your tie…" Sebastian said, although he didn't give it back to him, he just held it in his hands instead.

"Oh…" Trent started, and he was going to say thanks, but he was frozen on the spot as he saw Sebastian lift his arms over his head, putting his hands around Trent's neck and carefully sliding the tie under the collar of his shirt.

Sebastian stared at the tie for a while, silently, like he was pondering something. They were standing so close to each other, just like they were when they were dancing, and even though Sebastian had already placed the tie under Trent's collar, he still had his hands sliding down both sides of it, softly holding the fabric between his fingers. Trent didn't miss the way Sebastian stared at his lips for just a second too long before looking up to meet his gaze.

The light from the porch lit the green of Sebastian's eyes in a way that made them seem warmer, softer, and Trent's heart skipped a beat when Sebastian got a little bit closer and parted his lips, as he could feel his soft breath ghosting over his skin.

He didn't know what to do or say except a quiet "Thanks" that came out more as a breathless whisper. Sebastian said nothing, just smiled softly as he looked deep into his eyes.

Before Trent could even react, he felt the touch of Sebastian's fingers under his chin giving it a soft push; lifting his face as Sebastian leaned down. Trent closed his eyes on instinct and felt fireworks go off at the feeling of Sebastian's lips touching his.

He felt a wave of electricity humming between them, increasing it's intensity with every touch and movement of their lips as they deepened the kiss. Sebastian's hand was gently holding the side of Trent's neck, softly caressing his cheek with the side of his thumb, and in that moment Trent was just gone.

He lost himself in the sensations, feeling almost dizzy because he was finally kissing Sebastian and everything about the moment was just perfect. It felt like they were in a world of their own, a place where he didn't even have to think; just feel, taste, and touch.

Trent slowly put his hands around Sebastian's neck, with a little hesitation still lingering in the back of his mind, as if somehow touching Sebastian would make him fade away and Trent would have to wake up from this amazing dream he was in. But Sebastian didn't pull away; instead he put his other arm behind Trent, settling his hand gently on his back.

The kiss was soft and slow, just right. It wasn't like the first time they kissed, when they were drunk and it was sloppy and a little rushed. This moment felt so intimate and real in a way that was already making Trent's head spin, specially when Sebastian's tongue gently brushed his own and he felt like his legs turned to jelly.

Sebastian was the one to break the kiss, not backing away but resting his forehead against Trent's instead. His eyes still were tightly closed and he was breathing heavily as he put both hands on the shorter boy's shoulders before straightening up and meeting his gaze.

Trent's eyes were wide and expectant, still feeling lightheaded from all the feelings and emotions flowing through him, and desperately hoping Sebastian wasn't already regretting what just happened.

Sebastian smiled, letting out a nervous laugh and Trent felt relief wash over him, smiling as well as they both just stood there, looking at the floor, at the sides, before looking at each other again. It's like neither of them could believe what just happened.

"Um…" Sebastian said, biting his lower lip as he smiled again and taking a few steps backwards. "Goodnight Trent."

And Trent just stood there, saying nothing; it was like his mouth was unable to move, still remembering the feel of Sebastian lips on his own. His face was on fire, but he managed to smile shyly and wave, just as Sebastian turned and got inside his car.

Trent was barely able to get his key to open the door, hands shaking nervously and heart beating fast with the excitement of what just happened. He almost tripped on his own feet as he ran up the stairs and into his room, thanking whatever higher power existed that his mom hadn't chosen to wait for him to get home.

Once he got to his room, he collapsed into his bed, looking to the ceiling, head still spinning and smile impossibly wide as he replayed everything that happened in his head over and over.

He was absolutely blissed out, until the inevitable question popped into his mind: What now?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Only 2 more chapters after this! Are you excited? I am. Reviews are appreciated if you liked the chapter, let me know.
> 
> Trent's audition song was "Make you feel my love" by Adele.


	12. Chapter 12

It took hours for Trent to finally be able to fall asleep that night. His mind was reeling with all the memories that were still so fresh he could literally taste them. When he finally dozed off, his dreams were filled with one thing alone: Sebastian.

The next morning, when Trent opened his eyes and noticed it was barely 7am, he fell back into his pillow, not hoping to sleep, but to keep on dreaming. There was a little tingle in chest, a feeling of longing and excitement that he had never experienced before. Sure, he'd had crushes before, but with Sebastian it had always been so different.

Trent was used to crushing in boys who would never know he existed, or that he was interested, but with Sebastian things had been different from the beginning. The attraction was there from the start, at least on his part, but he'd always had reasons to ignore it and not let it grow into something more, or at least try to.

Trent had tried so hard to push away his feelings for Sebastian. First because he thought the taller boy was straight, and then because they'd become close friends and Trent knew Sebastian wanted Blaine, but now… now things were different. He knew that Sebastian had moved on from his attraction towards Blaine, they hadn't spoken in almost 2 months as far as he knew, even though things had been fairly civil between them after regionals. The few attempts Trent had made to bring up the topic of Blaine had always met dry shrugs and quick changes of subject by Sebastian, so he figured they were no longer close. Or at least that's what he hoped.

Trent had always viewed Sebastian as unattainable, but after last night he couldn't possibly lie himself into believing it. As hard as he tried, all those little barriers Trent had been careful to build in his mind to keep himself from falling for Sebastian came down one by one with every gentle touch and affectionate gesture Sebastian had given him last night, and then finally shattered to the ground when they kissed.

So after a few hours of just lying in bed, daydreaming, he got up. He was hungry and he could already hear the noises from his family downstairs, the sweet smell of pancakes and oatmeal hitting him as soon as he opened his bedroom door.

"Good morning sunshine!" his mom said cheerfully as soon as she saw Trent come down the stairs. She kept smiling to herself a little too enthusiastically, and Trent wanted to roll his eyes because he knew she was probably going to grill him about what happened later when she could catch him alone. He smiled though, because it was nice to have her be so supportive and excited for him.

But as he sat there eating, avoiding going into much detail about the dance as his father and sister asked him if he had a good time. He started thinking about what exactly he could tell his mom later if she asked him.

Should he tell his mom about the kiss? Should he tell  _anyone_  about it? Sebastian kissed him, but why? What did it mean? Trent wished he knew, but he had no idea, and the possibilities were both exciting and terrifying. So he decided he wouldn't tell his mom about the kiss. He wouldn't tell anyone. Not until - and if - he could figure things out.

He was pretty sure his mom knew he was hiding something. But it didn't matter, not when the weekend passed by without a single text or call from Sebastian. It was odd, but somehow Trent couldn't bring himself to be the one to text or call first.

Talking during the weekend was a normal thing between them, whether they would catch each other online and chat, or just texted each other nonsense to pass the time during Sebastian's boring Sunday brunches with his parents at the Country Club. They always talked. So the silence of the weekend did nothing but make Trent panic.

He didn't want to overthink things and believe the worst, but his feelings had gone from over the moon to under the ground in a matter of a day.

He spent all Sunday practically sulking and when Monday came, Trent was feeling sad, disappointed and anxious, resigned to the fact that perhaps it was going to be like the first time they kissed all over again. They would both pretend like nothing happened and move on with their lives.

He didn't want to feel like this, but deep down there was a voice inside him that kept repeating he was a fool for thinking it would be any other way. Sebastian had probably asked him to the Formal just to make him feel better about not getting the solo for the Warbler performance, and the kiss didn't mean anything.

He drove to school that morning almost in autopilot, with a weird heavy feeling in his stomach and a jumpiness that just increased as he got closer and closer to Dalton. Once he finally entered the parking lot, he held his breath tightly as he spotted Sebastian standing beside his car, parked his usual spot.

Was Sebastian waiting for him? He had to be. The only times Sebastian waited by his car before the bell rang were because he wanted to speak to Trent about something, or copy his homework. They didn't have any biology projects pending, so he must have been waiting for him.

Trent tried to not let his nerves get the best of him, and put on his best smile on as he got out of his car.

"Hey stranger!" Sebastian said with a huge grin, and Trent felt his heart skip a beat.

"Um… hi, Seb!" he replied, trying really hard not to blush. "What's up?"

Sebastian walked over to Trent and they started walking towards the school together. Trent could almost hear his own heartbeat and he gripped his bag strap tightly so his shaking hands wouldn't let Sebastian know just how nervous he was.

"Didn't hear from you all weekend…" Sebastian suddenly said, and Trent tried not to choke on his own breath.

Was Sebastian really expecting Trent to call him? Now he felt like an idiot… except Sebastian hadn't called him either! So what was he even talking about? This was all so confusing.

"Um… well…"  _you didn't call me either!_  He wanted to say, but he had been practicing his nonchalance the previous day and he wouldn't make a fool of himself, or come off as needy. "How was your weekend?"

"Boring." Sebastian replied smoothly, apparently not minding Trent changing the subject "It was Uncle Tom's birthday, so we went over to his house on Summit and spent the weekend there."

"Oh."

"Yeah, well…"

Sebastian was interrupted from whatever he was going to tell him as Nick quickly intercepted them as they were about to enter the classroom. "Hey guys! Trent! Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Trent breathed heavily, this was the worst time Nick could find to want to talk to him, but he couldn't exactly say it. Sebastian just nodded and entered the classroom as he and Nick stayed by the door.

"What is it?" Trent said, impatiently.

"Did you bring it?" Nick asked, eyes wide and expectant. Trent just frowned confused because he didn't know what the other boy was talking about.

"The chords, the sheet music… for the song? I texted you and you promised to bring them today!" Nick added.

"Oh, right! Um… yeah sorry I just…I have them in the car. Can I give them to you later? Or at lunch?"

"Sure! Thanks man!" Nick said with a huge grin as he turned and ran to his class.

Trent had completely forgotten about the chords he promised Nick. He was just lucky he had left some old copies in his car. It was the arrangement he used for his audition, and Nick wanted to sing that song with Jeff for his sister's 18th birthday party.

By the time Trent entered the classroom Sebastian had taken a seat in the back and he had to take one of the few empty desks in the front. He figured it was best this way so he wouldn't be able to stare at Sebastian during class and risk being even more distracted than he already was with all his conflicting thoughts and emotions. It didn't quite work though, as Trent kept thinking about Sebastian, wondering if he would be able to figure out what was going through the other boy's head.

During a quiet moment of reading during class Trent risked turning around slightly to look at Sebastian, which turned out to be a bad idea, as he met Sebastian's eyes because the other boy was looking at him too. Trent felt his face burn up and was thankful that at least Sebastian wouldn't notice it because he had his back turned to him.

The rest of the day went a little better, as he only had a few other classes with Sebastian. When it was finally lunchtime, Trent made a quick exit for the parking lot, aiming to pick up the sheet music for Nick.

As he opened his car and looked hastily for the crumpled sheets of paper, Trent felt his cell phone vibrate with a new text message notification.

_**From Sebastian Smythe:** _

_**Where did you go?** _

Trent hesitated for a second before replying.

_**To Sebastian Smythe:** _

_**Had to get something from my car, why?** _

_**From Sebastian Smythe:** _

_**Meet me in the Senior Commons?** _

Trent stared at his phone for a while as he closed his car and started slowly walking back towards the school. He took a deep breath and typed in a final reply:

_**To Sebastian Smythe:** _

_**Ok.** _

It was lunchtime, and most people went to the cafeteria or outside to eat and relax before the final classes. The senior commons was usually empty, unless there was some sort of rehearsal going on, which was definitely not the case today.

Trent wondered what this could possibly be about, especially as he opened the door and found Sebastian alone in the room, leaning against the piano. He was reading something from his notebook and eating grapes from a small plastic container he must have brought from home.

"Hey…" Sebastian greeted him. "Close the door." But he didn't turn away from whatever he was reading.

Trent closed the door and slowly walked towards him. Curiosity was eating him up, with the anticipation of whatever it was Sebastian wanted to talk to him about.

"I had to go to my car to get these for Nick" Trent said, smiling widely as he put his bag on the floor and the sheet music over the piano.

Sebastian turned to his left and looked at Trent, who was trying hard not to stare at his mouth, though the movements of his jaw from how he was chewing a grape were incredibly distracting.

"Hi." Sebastian said with a warm smile before turning to his notebook again, only this time he seemed to just scribble something before closing it and turning towards Trent again.

"Hi." Trent said cheekily, trying his best to play it cool and not melt as Sebastian just smiled again. They just stared at each other for a little while.

None of them said anything, they just looked at each other's eyes and there were so many things Trent wanted to say, wanted to ask, but he decided to wait. Sebastian had called him here hopefully to talk about what happened on Friday, so he was going to wait for him to start.

Trent could see something behind Sebastian's eyes, unspoken words and hesitation as they stared at each other in silence. It was weird, to just look at each other and not say anything, but instead of being awkward, they both started giggling.

"So, um… What are you doing?" Trent asked, seeming as Sebastian wasn't starting any sort of conversation and he really wanted to talk before their lunch break was over.

"Looking at you," Sebastian said blankly, expression suddenly serious, and Trent couldn't help but stare at him incredulously for half a second before bursting into a small nervous giggle.

"And eating grapes" Sebastian continued. "Do you want one?"

"Um… sure," Trent said, not quite expecting that.

Sebastian turned to his right where the small plastic container with the grapes was and took one in his hand; he then turned back to Trent and took a step forward, towering over the shorter boy as he held the small green grape with his fingers.

Trent's eyes followed the slow movement of Sebastian's hand as he put the grape right in front of his mouth. Trent looked up at Sebastian's eyes, not quite sure of what was happening. He thought Sebastian would just hand the plastic container for him to take one, he definitely did not expect to feel the soft touch of Sebastian's fingers over his lips as he gently pushed the grape into his mouth.

Trent froze and couldn't help the blush that covered his face along with a small, bashful smile.

Sebastian was looking deep into his eyes, smiling fondly at him as Trent slowly chewed the grape, tasting the sweetness in his mouth while his heart was beating strongly in his chest.

"They have no seeds…" Sebastian said softly, almost in a whisper, eyes fixed on Trent's as he took a grape for himself. He then grabbed another one and put it on Trent's lips again, and this time Trent managed to look straight into Sebastian's eyes as he did so. The whole thing felt really intimate, and even romantic. Trent's head felt like it was spinning from how fast his heart was beating.

Trent wished he knew what Sebastian was thinking. But he couldn't muster any words or thoughts in that moment himself to be able to ask him.

He was a strong willed individual, but somehow with Sebastian he was reduced to a puddle of emotions and completely unable to do what he wanted. He was just overwhelmed with everything he was feeling, and he wanted to kiss Sebastian so much more than anything.

They looked at each other in silence for a little while, smiling shyly and eating the grapes. Sebastian looked deep into his eyes, then down at his mouth before meeting his gaze again and before Trent could even notice, Sebastian was leaning down to kiss him.

Trent felt the warmth of Sebastian's lips over his and the gentle touch of his hands as Sebastian cradled his face. The kiss was soft, hesitant and gentle, as if Sebastian was asking permission to carry on. Trent reached out to hold Sebastian's waist, to hold him closer, and that was all confirmation Sebastian needed to deepen the kiss.

They lost track of time, completely absorbed by the moment and themselves; holding each other tightly as they kept kissing. The longer they kissed the more desperate their touches became. Trent could hear a little voice way in the back of his mind pleading him to stop, to wait, to ask the questions that needed to be asked, but any rational part of his brain was muffled by the overwhelming feeling of Sebastian's body pressed against his, and Sebastian's mouth practically devouring his own.

They could have continued kissing for hours if it wasn't for the noise that interrupted them: a pair of voices just behind the door, approaching the room. Trent removed himself from Sebastian's embrace so quickly that he even felt dizzy as his knees backed against the couch that was placed right in front of the piano. He stumbled and almost fell on his back into the leather furniture.

Right in that moment Jeff and Nick entered the room, laughing and talking happily among themselves before noticing Trent and Sebastian were in the room. Once they noticed them, their expressions turned surprised and serious.

"Hey guys, what are you doing here?" Nick asked, looking at Trent and then at Sebastian before settling again on Trent, waiting for an answer.

Trent was panicking, not knowing what to say. He wasn't sure if he had separated himself from Sebastian quick enough before they had walked through the door. Everything happened so fast that he was almost certain Nick and Jeff saw what they were doing.

Even if they didn't see them kissing, Trent was sure it must be written all over his face, if the heat he felt burning up his face and neck was anything to go by.

"Trent was just showing me your sheet music." Sebastian intervened, and Trent released the breath he hadn't even noticed he was holding. Nick looked impressed, but incredulous, as he nodded and walked over to Sebastian.

"Oh… that's great. Thanks Trent. Jeff and I really want to practice this song before the party this weekend."

"Go ahead. We were just leaving anyway." Sebastian said, grabbing his things from over the piano and slowly walking to the door.

Trent smiled nervously, but felt relieved to be able to leave before things could get any more awkward. He mimicked Sebastian's actions and grabbed his bag to follow him to the door.

"You're leaving too?" Nick asked him, and Trent stopped in his tracks. Sebastian was already standing by the door, waiting for him.

"We wanted to check some stuff with you… for the song, if that's ok." Jeff quickly added, hesitantly looking between Trent and Sebastian, as if he could tell Trent was uncertain about what to do.

"Please?" Nick added, evidently being polite only for Sebastian's sake, because his face clearly was saying  _don't you dare leave right now Trent!_

Trent didn't want to stay; he wanted to go with Sebastian. But he couldn't blow Jeff and Nick off if they wanted his help with the song. Trent looked at Sebastian as if waiting for some kind of reassurance, and Sebastian just nodded with a tight, uncomfortable smile before turning around and leaving.

"I'll see you later then." Sebastian said as he walked out of the room and Trent just wanted to scream. He didn't want Sebastian to leave; they needed to talk about things! But now he was stuck with Nick and Jeff as Sebastian walked away.

After a few seconds of awkward silence with Jeff and Nick taking turns looking at each other before looking at Trent again, Nick finally spoke: "Trent, what were you guys doing here?"

Trent just looked down to the floor, trying to figure out what to say that could be believable.

"You were making out, weren't you?" Jeff added, shaking his head and trying to hold his laughter but not quite succeeding.

"What? No!" Trent said, feeling horrified and trying to look offended, like that statement was the most absurd thing he had ever heard.

"Liar. You totally were." Jeff said again, and Nick smacked him in the arm.

"This is not funny, Jeff!" Nick said, sounding serious and genuinely concerned "Trent, we know you guys were making out. I could tell just by looking at the both of you the second we got into this room."

Trent didn't know what to do. This wasn't how things were supposed to happen. He needed to talk about this with Sebastian before anyone else knew about it. But now he was being cornered and questioned by his friends before he even had the chance to talk to Sebastian about what the whole thing meant.

Trent just ran his hands through his hair before putting them over his face, resting his elbows over his knees and hunching into himself, wishing he could just disappear.

"Are you guys like… together now?" Jeff asked quietly.

"No…" Trent said bluntly. "I mean… I don't know."

"But you were kissing…" Nick asked tentatively.

Trent just fell back against the couch, looking at the ceiling and then closing his eyes, letting out a defeated sigh… "Yes."

They didn't say anything else for a little while, and when Trent opened his eyes to look at them he saw his friends looking at each other before they turned their gazes towards him, brows creased and concern written all over their features.

Trent rolled his eyes. "What?"

"Nothing…" Nick started, giving him a strained smile "We're just worried, Trent."

Trent knew what they were going to say, but he wasn't going to let himself even think about that. Not right now, not when he needed to just get out of there and go find Sebastian.

"Don't," he told them. "Don't worry, it's fine, really." Trent got up from the couch and grabbed his bag, not wanting to spend one more minute in the room with them, worried that whatever they had to say would only add to the worries and insecurities he already had.

"Can you just promise me not to tell anyone about this?" He pleaded.

Nick and Jeff just looked at each other hesitantly before looking up at Trent.

"Please."

"Okay." Jeff said, and Nick just shook his head in disapproval.

"Nick?" Trent looked at him, who looked seriously worried and maybe even angry. Nick stared back at him for a while, but he didn't say anything, instead he just nodded.

"Thank you," Trent said, before walking out the door. He was already down the hallway and about to turn when he heard Nick coming after him.

"Trent! Wait!" He called after him, putting his hand over Trent's shoulder to stop him from walking any further. "What are you even doing?"

"Um… I'm going to class?"

"Do you know what you're getting yourself into? With Sebastian?"

Trent just shook his head; his hands were already shaking from sheer frustration. Things were not supposed to happen like this, he just wanted to run away and stop all these questions he had no answers for.

"Look. I know it's none of my business…" Nick continued, his hand still gripping hard on Trent's shoulder. "But you're my friend, okay? I know you like him Trent, but… I just don't want to see you get hurt."

Trent sighed heavily. "He won't hurt me..." He said, hating how his voice cracked a bit "He is my friend."

"I know he is your friend, Trent, and  _that's_  why I am worried. You know better than anyone how he is with guys.  _You've seen him!"_

Trent felt like screaming. He was so frustrated, confused and even a little scared, and Nick's words were doing nothing to help. He knew his friend meant well, but Trent needed to figure out this thing by himself.

"He's said over and over again how he doesn't do relationships. I just don't want to see you treated as another one of his hook-ups."

"I'm not… " Trent started, not even sure what he wanted to say. He felt a knot in his throat and the tears were threatening to spill. He was just so angry right now that he wanted to scream and pull his own hair out.

He took a deep breath and tried to compose himself before answering: "I trust him, okay? It'll be fine Nick. I'll figure it out."

And then he turned around and walked away.

As he was walking quickly down the hallway, he felt so frustrated with himself. He knew he shouldn't have let Sebastian kiss him in the common room. They needed to talk first, and figure things out, because as much as he hated the things Nick just told him, Trent knew that he had a point.

Of course it wasn't that he thought Sebastian would treat him like a random hook up, but the phrase  _"I don't do relationships"_  rang over and over in his head and there was a tiny part of him that feared that's exactly what would happen.

And that's what Trent feared more than anything, because he wanted  _to be with Sebastian_. He wanted it more than anything. But he was definitely  _not_  going to stand for just friends with benefits or whatever it was called these days.

He entered the restroom and looked at himself in the mirror. His lips were still a little red from kissing, and Trent wondered if this is how they looked right now, how they must have looked right when Nick and Jeff had found them in the senior commons? No wonder they could tell.

Trent felt so embarrassed, but there was nothing he could do now, and he wanted to stop thinking about everything until he could speak with Sebastian.

After looking in the mirror for a few minutes he started laughing at himself like a madman, thinking about how far too many times he had drowned himself in a glass of water and right now things at stake were far too important for him to be dropping conclusions before even talking things through with Sebastian.

So he composed himself and headed to class, determined to find Sebastian when School was over so they could finally talk.

By the time the final bell of the day rang, Trent was feeling much better. He walked quickly towards the parking lot so he could wait by his car and catch Sebastian when he came out. He waited 5, 10 and up to 15 minutes but Sebastian was nowhere to be found.

That was odd, so Trent took out his phone and sent him a text message.

_**To Sebastian Smythe:** _

_**Hi. Where are you?** _

When he waited for a couple of minutes and got no reply, he started getting a little impatient, and he hated the feeling. After 4 minutes that seemed like an eternity, his phone finally buzzed with Sebastian's reply.

_**From Sebastian Smythe:** _

_**Lacrosse practice.** _

Trent cursed himself for completely forgetting about that. The Lacrosse team had an important game coming up on Wednesday, so they had practice today even though Lacrosse practices weren't usually on Mondays.

He sighed, resigned that he wasn't going to be able to talk to Sebastian today, and got into his car to go home, right then his phone buzzed again.

_**From Sebastian Smythe:** _

_**You can come watch if you want ;)** _

It was stupid for Trent to blush when there was no one around, but he couldn't help the big smile that appeared in his face when he read Sebastian's text. He had never gone to Sebastian's practice before. Sure, he had seen him at some games but practice was different, or at least that's what he thought, so he decided he would go. He typed in a quick reply.

_**To Sebastian Smythe:** _

_**Okay :)** _

He walked up to the back of the school to where the field was and sat on the bleachers. He noticed there weren't many people there aside from the team and tried not to feel too awkward. He felt a little self-conscious, sitting there by himself but once he spotted Sebastian all his uneasiness faded away, especially when the other boy waved at him.

He stayed there and watched as the team practiced. It was interesting to watch Sebastian on the field. Lacrosse was such a violent sport and Trent wondered how they managed to not break any bones with all the pushing around and beatings they endured. Sebastian was fast and strong, and Trent could probably stare at him for hours, unfortunately his time was cut short once his mother called him on the phone.

"Hello?"

" _Trent honey, are you still at school?"_

"Um, yeah sorry I stayed a little longer… is everything okay?"

" _Yes, I just needed a favor. Are you going to be done soon? I need you to pick up Julie from her dance class."_

Trent looked at the time and sighed, his sister was probably already done, which meant he had to leave right now and wouldn't have the chance to talk to Sebastian once practice was over like he wanted to.

"Okay mom, I will go. I'll just leave now."

" _Thanks honey."_

"Bye."

It's like the universe was against Trent having a conversation with Sebastian today. He felt so frustrated as he got up and stepped down the bleachers. Sebastian was so immersed in the game that he didn't notice him leaving. Trent even lingered for a while and walked slowly in hopes the other boy would look his way and he would at least be able to wave goodbye.

He didn't, so Trent decided to send him a text message instead, even though he knew Sebastian wouldn't see it until after practice was over.

_**To Sebastian Smythe:** _

_**Mom called and I had to leave early. Sorry :(** _

It wasn't until 2 hours later, when he was back home studying in his room, that he got a reply from Sebastian.

_**From Sebastian Smythe:** _

_**Don't worry.** _

Trent stared at his phone, wondering if he should say something or wait until tomorrow. He wanted to call Sebastian, but he knew they needed to have that conversation in person, not on the phone. So he refrained from replying anything.

He kept staring at his phone from time to time even though he had to study for the exams he had the next day and was trying really hard to concentrate. He managed to avoid texting Sebastian anything else until he was about to go to bed, when he just couldn't resist anymore.

_**To Sebastian Smythe:** _

_**See you tomorrow. Good Night.** _

He felt anxiety rise up on him as he hit the send button. Wasn't it incredibly cheesy and stupid to text Sebastian out of the blue just to wish him good night? He was just way over his own head, but then - not even half a minute later - he got a reply.

_**From Sebastian Smythe:** _

_**Good night T.** _

The size of Trent's smile as he went to bed was impossibly large. He felt better again, and tomorrow he was determined to talk to Sebastian and see where they stood.

Next day at school, Trent was kicking himself for not telling Sebastian they needed to talk the night before, especially when he found himself at lunch break making out with the taller boy  _again_. This time they were in the empty French classroom on the second floor, where no one would interrupt them.

It all started because they had both been busy all day, They had final term exams that week after all, and they had a whole bunch of tests to do, leaving little time to talk during or between classes.

Trent had grown impatient and texted Sebastian that he really needed to talk to him, and so Sebastian told him to meet him after last period before lunch break.

Trent hadn't even finished walking through the door of the French classroom when Sebastian caught him from the back, pressing his lips to the side of Trent's neck softly before turning him around and greeting him with a wet, demanding kiss.

And so there they were, alone in the classroom, kissing intensely with Trent pressed against the door. Trent couldn't even be annoyed with the fact that Sebastian hadn't even let him put down his bag, instead he had just pulled it from his shoulder and tossed it aside.

Any other time he would have been mad at him, because he was usually really careful with his things, but how could he care about his bag being thrown to the floor when he was being kissed out of his mind against the door? It was no doubt the hottest thing he'd ever experienced up to that point.

He just couldn't.

He felt wanted, and sexy and he just never wanted to stop, even though he knew they needed to talk.

They also needed to breathe, and Trent was becoming increasingly breathless because of their heavy kissing.

"Seb…" he managed to say between kisses, "What are- what are we doing?"

Sebastian didn't seem to mind that Trent was interrupting their kiss at all; he just kept on with what he was doing, moving down to kiss his neck instead.

"Mmm… I'm kissing you." Sebastian said, nibbling the sensitive skin of Trent's neck and making him shudder. "And you're talking too much." Sebastian added before claiming Trent's mouth again.

Trent smiled into the kiss, and then started to giggle nervously. How was he supposed to have a serious conversation with Sebastian if they had their tongue's in each other's mouth? As much as he just wanted to keep on doing this, he knew he shouldn't.

"I know…" Trent said, laughing breathlessly, "But… I mean: what are we  _really_ doing?"

Sebastian removed his hands from where he had them on Trent's hips and put them against the door instead, on each side of Trent's head as he stared deep into his eyes.

They were incredibly close, and Trent was blushing furiously. Sebastian looked absolutely ravished, lips red and slightly swollen from the heavy kissing and his hair was a little ruffled from how Trent had been running his hands through it while they kissed.

Sebastian bit his lower lip and looked at Trent, thoughtfully, like he was not really sure of what to say.

They looked at each other and laughed nervously, and Trent asked the inevitable question again:

"What are we doing?"

He held his breath, waiting for Sebastian's answer. But the other boy stayed deep in thought and said nothing. He just took a few steps back from Trent and leaned on the desk right in the last row of the classroom, looking to the floor for a second before looking up at him again.

Trent felt panic rise inside him, but remained silent. He wanted to know what Sebastian was thinking. But he didn't want to seem like he was demanding anything from him, in case Sebastian really didn't think anything of this whole thing between them.

"I don't know," Sebastian finally said, with a strained smile. "What  _are we_  doing, Trent?"

Sebastian's words lingered in the air between them, and Trent sighed. To be honest, he didn't know what they were doing either. The only thing he knew was that he liked Sebastian, and he liked kissing him – a lot – but he wanted to know if that meant anything to Sebastian at all.

"Well, we're definitely doing a lot of kissing lately," Trent said bluntly, as he sat in the desk beside the one Sebastian was leaning on.

Sebastian burst out laughing, and Trent smiled nervously and just stared at him, hope lingering inside him as he just waited for the other boy to tell him something more.

"That's true," Sebastian said, nodding and wiping the corner of his eye.

"So…" Trent started.

"So?"

"So is that something we're just gonna do now? Like, just… Kiss?"

"Well…" Sebastian gave him a devilish smile. "We could do other things too, you know?"

Trent laughed indignantly despite trying really hard not to, his cheeks burning up from how hard he was blushing again. He wasn't flattered though, he was terrified; Nick's words playing in his head over and over again. He tried to hold himself together and sighed, looking down.

He was just feeling his nerves eat him from the inside. Sebastian didn't seem to be taking this conversation seriously, but he was at a loss as to how to ask the important questions without making himself vulnerable.

If he asked Sebastian plain and simple about his feelings and about being in a relationship with him, and he said no or laughed in his face, Trent would never survive it. He wouldn't be able to even look at him again.

Trent wanted to play it cool but he just couldn't, and his doubts and must have been written all over his face because Sebastian's expression suddenly turned serious.

"I'm  _kidding_ …" Sebastian told him.

Trent just shook his head. He couldn't do this anymore, "I just... I just want to know what this means, you know?"

Sebastian hadn't looked nervous before until that moment, and Trent wondered if he was finally going to say something, but in that moment, the bell rang.

Trent rolled his eyes frustrated because he did not want to stop now that they were finally starting to talk about things.

"What are you boys doing here?" Came a voice from the door. Trent's head snapped to the side as Ms. Montreal - the French teacher - came through the door.

"I was just uh, sharing some notes with Trent," Sebastian replied quickly, getting up from the desk and reaching for his things.

The teacher didn't seem to buy it, turning to look at Trent with skeptical eyes. "You're not in my class." She said bluntly.

"Notes for  _another_ class," Sebastian responded before Trent could even respond.

"Really?" She said, clearly unimpressed.

Rebecca Montreal was quite a strong, intimidating woman, and her presence was making Trent nervous and so he shyly excused himself before grabbing his bag from the floor and walking towards the door. Sebastian quickly followed after him.

It was getting late for his next class, and Trent walked speedily down the hallway. He was annoyed that they were interrupted before being able to really talk again, and Sebastian's avoidance of the subject was irritating him as well.

Sebastian was walking right behind him and right before they reached the stairs grabbed him by the arm.

"Trent, wait."

Trent turned and looked at Seb, not saying anything but his face was clear enough. He was just tired of dancing around the subject so much.

"Listen, I know we need to talk, but-"

"But what?" Trent cut him off.

Sebastian stepped back with his hands up, clearly taken aback by Trent's reaction. "Hey, don't get mad at me."

"I'm  _always_ mad at you," Trent said, and they both smiled.

"I just…" Sebastian hesitated for a second. "I know we need to talk. Can you stay today, after school? I have Lacrosse again but it's going to be a short one. Coach said we'd finish early today. We could talk afterwards."

Trent wanted to scream. He couldn't stay, not today. He had to pick up his sister again. It was like the universe truly was against him.

"I can't… I have to pick up my sister," He sighed.

"Okay…" Sebastian said, looking at the side to the now empty hallway for a second before turning again to look at Trent. "Then I will go over to your house afterwards."

"No!"

"No?"

"I just… I don't want my mom asking me about stuff, or my dad... you know? Just… can I go to your house instead?"

"Okay. I should be home by 5."

"Okay."

"See you then."

And so they left to their respective classes, and even with all the nerves and anticipation, Trent was already feeling a little better, because they were  _finally_  going to talk.

After spending the afternoon being completely unable to do anything but think about what he wanted to say to Sebastian, Trent felt like he was as ready as he could ever be. He had been jumpy all the time while he was home, and his sister had called him out on it in front of their mother, asking what his deal was.

Trent told her he was just nervous about the exams, after all, it was with that excuse he was going to go to Sebastian's house. They were going to ' _study for their exams'_.

As he drove to Sebastian's house, he was sure everything he'd rehearsed in his mind would mean nothing once they were face to face. His mind was probably going to go blank, but it didn't matter.

Once he turned in the street of Sebastian's house, Trent noticed a car parked in the driveway. It looked familiar, but he couldn't place it until he was parking right behind it, in front of the house.

It was a blue Ford Focus, one that had a particular dent in the back bumper.  _It was Blaine's car._

What was Blaine even doing here? Trent was wary of the whole situation as he got out of his car and walked towards the front door. As far as he knew, Sebastian hadn't spoken to Blaine for a long time now. He tried not to think anything of it, but a part of him was already wishing to just get back into his car and drive away.

He wasn't exactly sure why, but he decided to knock on the door instead of ringing the bell. He wondered if Sebastian and Blaine were in the living room or if they were upstairs. His mind was already reeling with dozens of possible scenarios when the door opened before him and Helena greeted him to come inside.

"They're in the kitchen," She said before closing the door and walking up the stairs.

"Thanks" He said shyly, but didn't move, he just looked around the empty entryway and living room for a while, taking in his surroundings. The house was pretty silent, which meant Sebastian's parents probably weren't home.

It was 5:30, Trent hadn't wanted to show up at 5 o'clock so he was late on purpose, but now he couldn't help but wonder how long had it been since Blaine got there. How long had they been talking, alone?

His stomach felt heavy and it twisted into uncomfortable knots with every step he took towards the kitchen. Once he reached the dining room and got to the door that let to the kitchen he stopped. Trent could faintly hear Sebastian's voice coming from the other room, and even though he knew he had no reason to be afraid or to hide from them, he couldn't bring himself to open the door and walk into the kitchen.

Not until he knew what Sebastian and Blaine were talking about.

Trent felt his heart beat faster as he approached the door and stood right in front of it, his steps had been quiet enough so the other boys wouldn't notice him coming.

It was right then when he heard Sebastian say, "So... you broke up with him?"

Blaine responded in such a small voice that Trent didn't understand what he said.

"But… didn't you say it was over between you two?" Sebastian asked.

"Well, yeah… but that's not-" Blaine blabbered, and then Trent heard Sebastian say something intelligible.

"I know that!" Blaine said, his voice loud and annoyed, and then Trent heard Sebastian start laughing out loud.

Trent froze in the spot, feeling a cold wave of unease wash over him. He didn't understand what was happening, but he didn't like it at all. All he could make up was that Blaine and Kurt had broken up, and now Blaine was in Sebastian's house talking to him about it. Did Sebastian have something to do with it? Did they break up because of him?

Trent didn't know what was going on, but he did know something for certain: He needed to get out of there.

And so he slowly walked backwards until he was in the living room again, only speeding up when he was finally outside the door. He got to his car, heart beating fast and nausea building up in his throat as he drove away.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeeep! Bit of a cliffhanger BUT... Good news is, next chapter is almost done, I'm already 5k words in. Reviews are awesome and I if you leave me one you are awesome too!
> 
> Also, special thanks to Mandy (epiphanywords) for letting me borrow Rebecca Montreal, from her awesome fic "Secrets of the Assassins" you should go read it in case you still haven't!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, finally, the last chapter! Sorry for saying I would update soon and then taking over a month to post. Originally it was only 1 more chapter but I divided it into 2 to make it easier to read. Hopefully you'll like it and that makes up for the long wait :)
> 
> This is unbeta'd any mistakes are my own.
> 
> So... *takes deep breaths*
> 
> Enjoy!

Once Lacrosse practice was finally over, Sebastian headed straight home. Usually he would take a shower at school as he didn't like getting into his car while being all sweaty and dirty from practice, but today he needed to make an exception.

He told Trent he'd be home by 5, and it was already 4:30, he needed to get home, shower and change before Trent got there. He wanted to look his best in every possible way, so maybe Trent wouldn't notice just how uneasy the whole situation made him.

Sebastian knew Trent wanted to talk about their current 'status'. To be honest, Sebastian didn't really want to talk about it. Things definitely weren't what they used to be between them, and not in a bad way, per se. They definitely had something more going on at the moment, but Sebastian didn't want to really label it in his head just yet because it made him nervous.

He knew he could call Trent any time of the day and talk about almost anything. He knew Trent was one of the few people who put up with him, but who would also call him out on his bullshit if he ever needed it. They liked each other, they spent a lot of time together, and most importantly: they trusted each other.

But was that enough to actually move on from friends to being something more? He always said he didn't do relationships, but could Trent be the exception? It was a scary thought, because Sebastian had never been good at relationships, with friends or family or people in general.

So the only thing Sebastian knew was that he needed to make sure he didn't screw things up before they even started.

He remembered Trent's annoyed face when Sebastian stopped him in the hallway and felt his stomach do a little jump. He wondered what Trent would say to him once he got there. He could tell Trent was hesitant and a little shy about it, probably feeling as uncertain about the situation as he did. But he also knew Trent was tired of beating around the bush and would totally snap on him if they postponed their conversation one more day.

As he finally got home, Sebastian wondered if they would be able to figure things out, but mostly he wondered if they would make out again. He sure hoped so, and the thought made him giddy.

He smiled at the silliness of his own thoughts as he undressed and walked over to the bathroom. He got into the shower and closed his eyes, slowly relaxing under the warm spray. He knew he shouldn't take a long time in the shower, given the circumstances, but he ended up doing it anyway. His body was tired and a little sore from the intense training of the last few days, and the hot water shower just felt really good.

Sebastian could have stayed in the shower for hours, but he realized that if Trent got home before he was done then he would probably just come up to his room anyway. And sure, finding Sebastian half dressed or right out of the shower was not something that had never happened before, but their current situation would make things a little bit tense.

Mostly because Sebastian wasn't sure he would resist the urge to just jump him right there, and he was pretty sure Trent wouldn't exactly be okay with that. Sebastian smiled as he got dressed, remembering the flustered look on Trent's face right after they'd been kissing earlier that day.

He picked up his phone to check the time and saw he had 2 missed calls. He thought it might have been Trent but instead he was surprised to find it was actually Blaine.

Sebastian just stared at the screen for a while before putting his phone away. This was really odd, especially since they hadn't seen each other or spoken to each other in a really long time. Sebastian wasn't even sure how long it had been.

Blaine must have called while Sebastian was in the shower, and so he decided to ignore it. He could text Blaine later; right now he needed to get ready. It was already 5:15 and if Trent wasn't downstairs already then he would be there any minute.

Soon enough, Helena was knocking on his door, informing him there was someone downstairs to see him. Much to Sebastian's surprise, instead of being Trent it was actually Blaine.

Sebastian had no idea what Blaine could possibly want with him, or why would he just come over completely out of nowhere. He couldn't help but have a bad feeling about it.

So he finished getting dressed and went downstairs, his hair still wet from the shower and his steps quick as he walked down the hallway and into the living room.

Blaine was sitting in the couch, elbows resting on his knees and rubbing his hands together, looking down. Once he noticed Sebastian walking into the room and glanced up, Sebastian could tell something was off.

Blaine looked like crap.

"Um, hi-" Sebastian started, before Blaine cut him off.

"Sebastian, hi… I'm sorry for just showing up like this." He got up from where he was sitting in the couch and started babbling nervously. "I called you, but you didn't pick up and I, just I…. I thought I could come by, I hope it's okay?"

"I was in the shower. That's why I didn't pick up."

"Sorry…" Blaine said shyly.

And then there was a short moment of awkward silence, Sebastian stared at Blaine but he wouldn't say anything. If he didn't know better, Sebastian could even think Blaine was on some sort of drug, with the way he kept rubbing his hands nervously and fidgeting under his scrutiny.

"Blaine, why are you here?"

"Um… Sorry, I-"

"Stop apologizing." Sebastian practically pleaded, rolling his eyes, "I'm just surprised to see you here after all this time. Did your ball and chain give you a break? Or should I expect him to come over and cut my head off any second?"

Sebastian knew he was being a little mean, but he didn't find it in himself to care. Not right now. He just needed to know why on earth Blaine was there, and to have him leave before Trent arrived.

He walked over and sat down in the couch on the opposite side of Blaine, but the shorter boy didn't sit down again, instead just walked slowly around the living room nervously. Sebastian could tell Blaine already regretted coming over, probably from how Sebastian was treating him. It was a radical change from his former flirty and always over elating demeanor towards him, but Blaine surely couldn't be delusional enough to think Sebastian would still be the same after he had been practically ignoring him for the past months.

After a few more minutes of awkward silence and nervous anticipation, Sebastian decided to soften up a little and give Blaine a break.

"Blaine, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just…"

"Blaine… we haven't spoken in forever. And suddenly you show up in my doorstep. Something must have happened."

Blaine gave him a pained look, and after taking a deep breath, he started talking about what really brought him there.

As it was to be expected; and much to Sebastian's dismay, Blaine started babbling about Kurt. However, this time he wasn't gushing about him, but extremely upset and angry with him.

He hold Sebastian about Kurt and a guy named Chandler, and about how they had been texting each other flirty things and how Blaine saw his phone and confronted Kurt about it. Why Blaine wanted his opinion about this was a mystery to Sebastian. The whole situation seemed like something out of a soap opera with the way Blaine was describing it.

Any other day, Sebastian would have just cut Blaine off and begged him to stop talking, but Sebastian was sure Blaine was going to break down and start crying any minute, so he refrained from making any crude remarks about the whole thing. He figured he should just let Blaine get everything off his chest and listen.

After a few minutes they moved to the kitchen so Sebastian could give Blaine something to drink, as he was getting really agitated with all the things he was saying and quite frankly Sebastian just wanted him to calm down and be done with it.

"So… you broke up with him?" Sebastian asked as they sat around the kitchen island.

"No, but…" Blaine responded in a small voice that was almost a whisper.

"But… didn't you say it was over between you?"

"Well, yeah… but that's not-"

"You made him dump you Blaine. It's the same thing!" Sebastian replied bluntly.

"I know that!" Blaine said, loud and upset. Sebastian just couldn't help himself and started laughing out loud.

The whole situation was just so ridiculous to him. Sebastian tried as much as he could to stop laughing but it was hard. Surely Blaine could be oblivious, but how he ever thought Kurt would stand for being called a cheater and being humiliated in front of the whole Glee club was just beyond him.

Of course Kurt would give him the boot, especially when he had to endure all of Sebastian's teasing and blatant advances towards his boyfriend for so long without ever calling Blaine out on it for allowing it.

Blaine thought stupid cheesy texts were the same as actually cheating? Sebastian wouldn't say it, but he almost felt a little respect for Kurt for breaking up with him. Blaine was so clueless sometimes.

"It's just…" Blaine continued. "When we used to text a lot… you and I. It wasn't the same thing. It just wasn't!"

Sebastian huffed, "I would never say cheesy shit like that, come on."

Blaine just crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.

"Besides…" Sebastian continued, turning around to fill his glass with orange juice "I prefer flirting in person. It's more effective."

Sebastian caught himself before saying or doing anything else. In any other moment, he wouldn't waste the opportunity to complement that statement with wink or a flirtatious smirk to come onto Blaine in his moment of weakness and emotional turmoil, but to be honest he didn't feel like doing any of that, not anymore.

Sebastian was just getting really tired of the whole situation, and he was constantly checking the time because where the hell was Trent?

"We never did though…" Blaine said shyly.

"Never did what?" Sebastian asked, with his back still to Blaine as he put the orange juice back in the fridge and took a sip from his glass.

"We didn't flirt enough to-" He stuttered, "I mean… I never did anything back. It was mostly you, coming on to me."

Sebastian almost spit out his drink. Blaine could not possibly be serious about this right now. He took a moment to compose himself before facing Blaine again and speaking.

"Do you have a point with this?"

"No. Sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

Sebastian just stared at him.

"I just… I'm sorry I disappeared and didn't talk to you in so long but, things were complicated, and they still are, a little, I guess but I would like to… you know-"

Sebastian interrupted him before he could say anything else, "Look Blaine, we can get in touch again if that is what you want. Try to be friends or whatever. But right now, I'm actually expecting someone, so…"

Blaine couldn't hide the surprise in his eyes when he heard Sebastian's words.

"Are you seeing someone?"

Sebastian rolled his eyes. He definitely wasn't going to talk about this with Blaine Anderson of all people, and especially not right now. He checked the time again and realized it was 6:15 now. He needed to get Blaine out of his house and call Trent.

Blaine must have sensed it, because he immediately got up and stood in front of Sebastian shyly, "I'll better go then, don't want to get in your way."

Sebastian squinted his eyes, studying Blaine for a second. He couldn't tell if Blaine was being honest or if he was just expecting Sebastian to take back what he said and ask him to stay.

"Come on." Sebastian told him, before walking him to the door.

The second Blaine had left; Sebastian took out his phone and called Trent.

One time. Two times. And there was no response.

Sebastian frowned as his last call went to voicemail. That was odd.

-

When Trent got home his mom had asked him why he'd come back so fast, and Trent just lied, telling her that Sebastian wasn't home and that he was going to be up in his room studying by himself instead.

Once he got to his room, he put his bag on the floor and dropped into the bed face first. He hid his face in the pillows and tried to control his breathing. He didn't want to cry, but he was so angry with himself.

Trent knew he should have been brave and just step into the kitchen; or he should have waited for Sebastian to finish talking to Blaine in the living room. But instead he ran away, terrified of finding out what Blaine was doing in Sebastian's house and what it was all about.

He hated himself for the fact that when it came to Sebastian, he always reacted so differently to things. His mind would say something but his emotions would say another. He was not a coward, but then why did he run away?

He wished his chest to stop aching but his emotions were a mess and he didn't want to feel anything anymore. So after allowing himself a few silent tears, he fell asleep.

His nap was short lived as his dad knocked on his door.

"Oh sorry, I didn't know you were sleeping son…" he apologized as Trent quickly sat up on the bed, rubbing his eyes and hoping that his dad wouldn't notice that he'd been crying.

"No it's okay, I was just trying to study but I fell asleep."

His dad studied him for a moment and asked "Everything okay?".

Trent quickly reassured him to avoid further questions. Saying he was just tired from school and a little stressed because of his exams and wanting to keep his straight A record in this last stage before graduation.

His dad seemed to believe him. He sat in the corner of Trent's bed and they spent a few minutes discussing Trent's final arrangements for college. He'd been admitted to every single university he applied to, and he decided for NYU to study Dentistry. It had always been a dream of his to be a dentist.

No one else was a doctor in their family, so that put a special kind of pride in his father's eyes.  
Trent kicked himself internally for not being able to come out to his dad yet, but quite frankly, he wasn't sure he would take it very well.

Trent thought it would be better to do it in the future, when he was living elsewhere, and when he could prove himself as an adult. Yet every time he had a chance to talk to his father alone, much like right now, he wished so bad he could just tell him.

After his dad left, Trent took his phone out from his bag and that's when he noticed 3 missed calls from Sebastian. He also had a text message sent 1 hour ago.

**_From Sebastian Smythe:  
What happened? Thought you were coming over._ **

Trent bit his lip. Whatever small relief he felt about Sebastian not knowing that he'd been at his house was gone when he realized what not showing up meant: Trent had stood him up.

He took a deep breath before replying.

_**To Sebastian Smythe:  
Sorry, I fell asleep. I'm not feeling very well.** _

Technically, it wasn't lying, but that wasn't the reality of why he hadn't showed up as they agreed. Trent felt bad now, realizing that if Sebastian hadn't wanted him to be there, he wouldn't be asking why he didn't show up. He felt silly now for walking away. He wished things were less complicated.

After a couple of minutes of just resting in his bed, Trent realized he was the one making things complicated. He wasn't a coward, and he needed to figure this out, even if it was going to hurt. He wasn't going to stand for being only a friend with benefits; he wanted something real, something worthwhile, or nothing at all.

Sebastian didn't text him back, and it made him feel a little anxious.

So he decided tomorrow he would do it. He would talk to Sebastian, open and honest, and be done with it. If Sebastian avoided the conversation again, he would ask him directly and with no dancing around the subject. He just really needed to know.

Trent knew Sebastian could either make him really happy or break his heart, and quite frankly he was not willing to wait any longer to figure out what it was going to be.

He just hoped all his resolve wouldn't melt away as it always did lately once he saw Sebastian face to face.

-

Back in his house Sebastian sat in his bed staring at his phone in complete disbelief.  _He knew Trent was lying._

Right after texting Trent he ran into his mom in the hallway and she asked him if "his friends were staying for dinner?" Sebastian told her it was only Blaine who had been there and that he had already left, but his mom assured him she'd seen Trent parking in front of the house and walking towards the door earlier.

At first Sebastian didn't really believe her, after all, his mom was on some pretty strong pain medication because of her recurring migraines. But after speaking to Helena, he was able to confirm it: Trent came over but left without speaking to him.

At first he was pissed, thinking he should have gotten rid of Blaine faster, but after thinking about it for a while he realized that that wasn't really the issue.

Trent could have come in and joined them in the kitchen, yet he didn't. He decided to leave, but why? If it had been any other person speaking to Sebastian, he was sure it wouldn't have mattered, but somehow because it was Blaine, Trent walked away.

Had Trent been jealous? He didn't really think Trent was that kind of person, but perhaps he thought something was going on between them. Which would be weird considering Trent knew they weren't really speaking to each other at the moment. But maybe the subject of Blaine made Trent insecure because of Sebastian's history with him.

Perhaps Trent didn't really trust Sebastian after all.

Sebastian put his phone away and stared at the floor before glancing towards his night table. He reached to open the drawer and took out a white envelope he'd placed at the bottom of the drawer, hidden under other papers he kept in there.

He stared at the envelope and sighed. He couldn't really blame Trent for not trusting him. The truth was, Sebastian didn't trust himself either.

It had been almost 3 months since the last time he had sex, and he'd been so drunk he couldn't even remember if Brian used a condom when he fucked him in that dirty bathroom stall at Scandals or not.

When he asked him about it, Brian was actually offended that Sebastian would doubt he was clean, which only made him even angrier. He was so upset that if he had been in front of Brian in that moment he probably would have punched him in the face. They hadn't spoken again after that, and Sebastian knew he would have to get tested eventually.

So last week he went to the clinic and got some tests done. He had the results in his hands in the still sealed white envelope. He didn't want to open it, so he'd left it in his drawer for days, but he knew he was just postponing the inevitable. He needed to know the results sooner or later.

And so he hastily opened it and held his breath as he finally read the results from his STD panel.

 _\- Herpes_  
\- Hepatitis B  & C  
\- Chlamydia  
\- HIV  
\- Syphilis  
\- Gonorrhea.

Luckily, he tested negative for everything.

Sebastian released the breath he was holding, feeling a wave of relief wash over him. He then quickly ripped the test results apart before throwing them in the bin. He wouldn't want his mother to find them and know he had been tested in the first place.

Sebastian lay back on his bed and stared blankly at the ceiling, deep in thought. He wondered if Trent had ever been tested for STDs, or if he'd ever even had sex to begin with.

He'd never been ashamed of being sexually active, or anything like it. Even when he'd been called derogatory names like "slut" and "man whore" he'd just laughed it off. Sebastian was actually quite proud of all his conquests, and he'd always been careful to use protection so he knew there was nothing wrong with it, not really. But now that his perspective was changing and he was actually considering the possibility of having something with Trent… he couldn't help but feel a little bit uncomfortable.

 _Could this thing between them even work?_ Sebastian knew he had a reputation, and it was well earned. Most people couldn't stand him, they either wanted to be around him out of interest or because they forced to be out of necessity, like the Warblers. No one would ever think he'd take a relationship seriously. Trent's other friends certainly didn't, if the conversation he overheard between Nick and Trent in the hallway was any indication.

He'd been in the bathroom when Nick told Trent to be careful with him, and he heard the exchange. What Nick thought of him didn't really matter to Sebastian, but now he was worried about Trent and what he could be thinking right now. He heard Trent say he trusted him, but did he really?

Thinking about all those little things just made him more and more uncertain about the whole situation, and somehow Trent's  _"I'm not feeling very well"_  text just sounded a lot like  _"I'm pretty sure you're just screwing around with Blaine and I don't even want to know about it."_

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

-

The next day when Trent got to school, Sebastian's car was already in the parking lot, but he wasn't there. He wondered for a moment if Sebastian was mad at him for standing him up the day before, he hoped not, because that would only make things harder for him.

Trent knew that at least they wouldn't be able to avoid each other today, since they had biology together in first period.

The bell rang as Trent walked over to the main gates and he rushed into the classroom. Sebastian was already there, sitting in their usual desk, and he looked… weird. Trent couldn't put a finger on exactly what it was, but from the moment Sebastian looked at him he could tell something was off. Something about his smile and how it was just, a little pained or maybe even forced.

"Hey Trent. How are you?  _Feeling better?"_ Sebastian asked, tilting his head to the side.

Trent felt uneasy when he heard the tone of Sebastian's voice. But Trent knew, or at least he hoped Sebastian didn't know the truth about what happened yesterday. So he tried to brush it off. "Um, yeah, sorry about yesterday."

Sebastian said nothing, just turned to face the front as Mr. Sandberg entered the class and started giving out instructions for the class.

They were pretty silent during the period, which was not strange in itself but given their current situation Trent couldn't help but feel a little tension between them, and he wondered if Sebastian was mad at him or not. Sebastian wasn't ignoring him, but there was something strange, something he couldn't quite put a finger on, and it bothered him.

Trent decided in his mind he would tell Sebastian they needed to talk again after first period was over. But now he was nervous. Mentally kicking himself because he'd promised himself he would keep his resolve and not let it melt away in the face of the boy he wanted so much.

As soon as the bell rang Sebastian got up from the desk and started gathering his stuff to leave. Trent knew he had to make his move right now or they would never talk.

"Seb, can we talk?" Trent said as he walked right behind him towards the door of the classroom.

"Yes we can…" Sebastian said; yet he didn't stop walking towards the door and into the hallway. "…But not right now."

Sebastian was walking forward towards the staircase, and Trent kept sped up until he was able to catch up with him. They had to go separate ways, Sebastian up the stairs and Trent to the left, and Trent couldn't help but feel extremely frustrated right then, because Sebastian didn't seem like he wanted to talk to him at all. So he stopped right in the base of the stairs.

"Then when?"

Sebastian stopped in his tracks and turned to look at him, already a couple of stairs above him. His stern expression from before got even worse as Trent saw him look to the side and rub the back of his neck as he waited for some students to pass him on their way up the stairs.

"I don't know. Later?"

They both stood for a few seconds in silence, looking at each other. Trent could see the hesitation in Sebastian's features, like he wished to be anywhere else but in those stairs with him.

"Are you trying to avoid this?" he finally asked, a little defeated and bracing himself for Sebastian's answer as he saw the other boy's expression change into anger.

" _I'm_ not avoiding anything!"

Trent tensed up as Sebastian raised his voice a little.

"We were supposed to talk yesterday, remember? But you never showed up!" He let out an ironic laugh "Oh wait…  _you did_ , but you left before even talking to me."

Trent froze in the spot; he didn't know what to say. Sebastian knew. He felt his cheeks burning up from embarrassment of being caught.

He couldn't say anything; he just stood there, looking at Sebastian with pleading eyes. Bracing himself for whatever Sebastian was going to say next. However, much to his surprise, Sebastian didn't seem to be mad at him anymore. It was like his sudden outburst was gone in a second and now he just seemed sad.

"Just tell me, Trent… Tell me the truth… Why did you leave?"

Trent just frowned, wishing his brain to react and say something, but he didn't really know what to say. He knew why he'd left, but he couldn't say it without admitting his insecurities and hurting Sebastian's feelings in the process.

"It's just…" He stuttered over his own words as he tried to explain.

"Just be honest." Sebastian pleaded.

Trent felt like he was going to be sick. But he couldn't run away now.

"Well..." Trent hesitated, "Blaine was there, and-"

"And?"

"I don't know. I just… I didn't want to interrupt."

"And what could you possibly interrupt?"

"I don't know."

Sebastian smiled then, sad and bitter and said: "I do…" but his expression was no longer angry, just defeated, "You don't trust me."

Before Trent could even process his words, Sebastian turned back and walked up the stairs. "I think that's what we  _really_ need to talk about." He said before reaching the top of the stairs and disappearing into the second floor without looking back.

Trent was so mad at himself in that moment, because he knew he'd screwed up. He'd been more worried about Sebastian being mad at him but this was worse, because Sebastian wasn't angry, he was hurt.

It all seemed so stupid now, to think that Sebastian could be involved with Blaine somehow. After all, if Sebastian wanted to screw around he wouldn't have told Trent to come over, right? He knew his own insecurities had gotten the best of him.

Trent shook his head, feeling extremely frustrated as he walked to his next class, he was already late, but even when he got there, it was pointless as he was too distracted to really pay attention to anything around him.

They would have to talk later, but when? Right in the middle of exams, they'd be busy all day. And Sebastian had the Lacrosse game right after school. They would have to talk during Lunch, most likely, but Trent was afraid to text Sebastian and ask.

Turns out, he didn't need to ask, because right when the bell rang for Lunch break, Trent got out of class and ran into Sebastian in the hallway. He was looking down at his phone and didn't see him coming, so they bumped into each other. It was a little awkward, but Sebastian suggested they get something to eat and then go outside to find somewhere they could talk.

The fact that Sebastian wanted to be outside in public rather than go into some empty classroom like they did a few days back was already a sign that things were probably not going to go very well, but Trent didn't want to jump into any conclusions before they actually talked.

They found a small bench outside in the courtyard and sat down; and after a few minutes of eating in awkward silence Trent finally spoke.

"Look, about yesterday… I'm sorry I-"

"You don't have to apologize, Trent." Sebastian interrupted him, not looking up from the bag of chips he was currently eating.

He didn't' say anything else, so Trent tried to continue, "Well, I should have stayed, but-"

"But you probably thought I was screwing Blaine over the kitchen counter." Sebastian said bluntly.

Trent flinched at the crudeness of Sebastian's words, "That's not true!" he said, horrified that Sebastian would say something like that.

But Sebastian just sighed heavily, smiled painfully and grabbed his now empty bag of chips, turning it into a small ball and throwing it towards the bin that was a few steps away from them. The little ball bounced off the lid and landed on the floor, so Sebastian walked over to pick it up.

When Sebastian turned around, he looked like he was in pain, or about to be sick, so Trent braced himself for whatever he was going to say next, knowing that it was probably going to hurt.

"Actually, I think I'm the one who owes you an apology."

Trent just frowned as Sebastian continued speaking.

"I know things have been a little weird between us lately, and it's not fair for you to not know where we stand, to just make out and mess around without really talking about it. I'm sorry about that Trent…"

Sebastian walked back to the bench but didn't sit down, instead just ran his hand nervously through his hair as he looked down at him.

"The truth is… I have no idea of what I'm doing. I never do, and usually it wouldn't matter, because hooking up with guys and not thinking twice about it is what I do. So I don't blame you for thinking that I would be doing something with Blaine behind your back. I'm used to it, people always expect the worst from me. I've earned that reputation and there's nothing I can do about it."

Trent wanted to protest, but didn't know what to say. Because he did feel insecure because of Blaine, even if his doubts had more to do with comparing himself to him more than about not trusting Sebastian.

He could feel Sebastian building up these walls around him with every word he said. He knew where he was going with this, but Trent knew he had to ask him to just get to the point because he couldn't take it anymore.

"So… what are you saying then?"

Sebastian bit his lip before responding, "What I'm saying is that…" He hesitated for half a second, and then he finally said it: "You deserve better, Trent."

Trent was sitting tightly gripping the bench and biting his bottom lip, he felt like screaming, but didn't say anything. He just looked down and shook his head, he knew what Sebastian was doing, and he didn't want to hear it.

"I don't think I… I'm not the kind of guy you want to be with, Trent trust me."

"Really?" Trent huffed, this time not able to hide the anger in his voice. "So, if I just want to make out with you every now and then it's fine, but if I want something more you're just not up for it? Are you really doing this Sebastian?"

"No, that's not what I mean." Sebastian said, rolling his eyes and sitting on the bench right next to him.

Trent tensed up and closed his eyes tightly when he felt Sebastian grab his arm to turn him towards him, but he did his best to take a deep breath because he didn't want to break down in front of him.

"Then what is it?" Trent pleaded, hating the way his voice broke a little at the end and not quite daring to look Sebastian in the eye but instead looking down at where Sebastian's hand let go of his arm and reached for his hands instead, holding both of them with his own as he spoke.

"You are my friend, Trent. You're my best friend, and you are too important to me. But I know myself, and I know I am going to screw this up and then you will just end up hating me and I don't want that. I can't take that. I just don't want to hurt you… That's it." Sebastian said, almost pleading.

When Trent opened his eyes and met Sebastian's he realized they were filled with guilt and anguish, and that made the whole thing a million times harder, because in that moment all he wanted to do was cry. He bit his bottom lip to keep it from trembling and breathed in to keep the tears at bay.

But you are already hurting me. Trent thought to himself, not daring to say it out loud. Instead he just removed his hands from Sebastian's grasp so he could wipe away his tears.

"So you're breaking up with me before even giving us the chance to be anything." Trent said, with a teary smile.

At first he thought Sebastian was just making things up as excuses to get him out of his way or something, but as Trent looked straight into his eyes he could see that his words were genuine, because he could see pain in his eyes too. Sebastian's eyes were a little red with unshed tears in them as he saw Trent wiping his eyes and trying to smile.

Trent hated himself for triggering all this, wondering if this would still be happening if he hadn't walked away yesterday? Would Sebastian's insecurities about screwing up and hurting him still come in the way?

It didn't matter though, because now he would never know. But the thing he did know was that he wasn't going to push it, he wasn't going to beg. Even if he knew this thing between them had the potential to work, even if he wanted it more than anything he'd ever wanted in his life.

"I'm so sorry Trent. Please believe me." Sebastian repeated, reaching over to stroke away a tear from Trent's face with his thumb.

"It's fine." Trent said, as calm as he could, taking a deep breath and putting up a brave, albeit fake smile.

"No, it's not fine, but it's for the bes-"

"I said it's fine, Sebastian. Really." Trent cut him off, thinking that maybe if he said it enough times, he would believe it himself.

"But you're crying."

Trent let out a small, self-deprecating laugh. He wanted to smack Sebastian over the head and yell at him:  _Of course I'm crying! I'm crying because you don't want me enough to even try and make this work!_ But he knew having a meltdown wouldn't do either of them any good, or change the situation at all, so instead he just sighed and said: "Yeah, well… It is what it is, but I can't and won't try to change your mind."

Right now the only thing that mattered to Trent was to salvage whatever was left of his dignity and his heart. He realized he couldn't do anything to change Sebastian's mind. Trent guessed he should at least be grateful that Sebastian wasn't pushing him away; that he still wanted to be his friend.

Trent got up from the bench and straightened his blazer, looking up towards the main building, and in that moment the bell rang. Trent had never been more grateful for lunch break to be over.

"We're still friends, right?" Sebastian asked in a small voice, and Trent could see the vulnerability behind his question, so he mustered all the strength he could to smile and say: "Best friends."

He then turned around and walked away from Sebastian, heading for class, taking deep breaths and trying his best to hold himself together. He was going to try and be mature about this, try to be content with being only Sebastian's friend, even if the realization that Sebastian didn't want to be with him hurt more than anything he'd ever felt before.

So as he got to his class and sat down in his desk, Trent decided he would try and be Sebastian's friend until his feelings for him faded away. Maybe it was for the best, and things would be easier once they went off to college. Graduation was just around the corner, and for that Trent was grateful.


	14. Chapter 14

Sebastian stayed outside for a couple of minutes after Trent left, and only when all the students had gone back inside, and the courtyard was finally empty did he allow his unshed tears to flow.

He gripped the bridge of his nose and breathed deeply, willing his eyes to stop watering, but they wouldn't. He'd spent the entire night awake, thinking about the things he just said to Trent, convincing himself that it was for the best. But as he sat there in the bench, all alone, he realized he never expected it to hurt so much.

He felt like such an asshole, knowing that he hurt Trent again, even if the whole point of stopping things right now was to avoid hurting him  _even more_ in the future. He knew things couldn't possibly work out between them ever, and he didn't want to lose him. He just hoped their friendship survived this.

After a couple of minutes of wallowing in self-pity, he went back inside and was a little late for class, but he didn't care. The rest of the day passed in a blur, and Sebastian just hoped he wouldn't fail his chemistry final, because he was barely able to focus.

When the final bell of the day rang and classes were over, Sebastian went out to the parking lot hoping to see Trent but noticed his car was already gone. He wondered if Trent was going to go see the game, it was a really important one, since it was the semifinal and they had been talking about it non stop last week. Sebastian had been teasing Trent about coming and cheering for him, given that the girls from Crawford County Day wouldn't be too excited about doing it after Sebastian blew Michele Stewart off at the formal.

Later that afternoon, Sebastian and the rest of the Hurricanes, Dalton's Lacrosse team, arrived at Upper Arlington school; the UA Golden Bears were really good so the place was completely packed with people excited to see the game. As they got ready and went onto the field to do their warm-ups, the bleachers started filling with people who came to see the Hurricanes as well.

The contrast between the blue and red from Dalton's supporters and the white and yellow from the home team made it easier for him to look for familiar faces. He spotted his mother and father quickly enough, even if he wished he hadn't. But Trent was nowhere to be found.

Even when the game started, Sebastian couldn't help but turn around from time to time, scanning the crowd and wondering if Trent was there. It would be hard to find him with so many people there, but that didn't mean Sebastian would stop staring at the rows of people dressed in blues and reds, searching for him.

It was hard for Sebastian to focus on the game, and he paid for it with a couple of shoves that went a little too far and had him panting in pain, rolling in the ground. Coach Rogers was livid, yelling at him to get his head in the game but he just couldn't. He ended up spending the last 20 minutes of the game in the bench, his knee bleeding from where he'd fell on it, and pain on his side that was definitely going to become a huge bruise on his ribs from how hard he'd been hit.

Even with Sebastian's poor performance, the Dalton Hurricanes won the game, and that meant they passed to the final. It was a great victory for the team and everyone wanted to go out and celebrate, however Sebastian was not in the mood for it. Not when the courtyard emptied and he realized Trent hadn't come. It was not surprising, not after what happened between them earlier, but a small part of him still hoped to see the other boy among the crowd, cheering for him and smiling as he always did.

Sebastian decided to skip the team's celebration and go home with his parents instead. He was tired and sore from the game, and wasn't feeling really in the mood to celebrate, Once he was in the backseat of his parents' car, he took out his phone to call Trent, but the second he dialed the number it went straight to voicemail.

Sebastian knew he should expect this, and it shouldn't bother him,  _but it did._

-

Back in his house, Trent was trying to sleep; he had gone to his room ever since he got home, not even bothering eating anything, and he'd turned off his phone so he could take a nap. He needed to rest and get his mind off things, gather strength to face the remaining days at school where he would have to pretend everything was fine when it was clearly not.

After tossing and turning for almost an hour, he was finally able to doze off. When he woke up, two hours later, he was feeling a little better.

Trent couldn't deny he was sad -heartbroken, even- but he couldn't help but appreciate that things didn't go as bad as he expected them to go. Sebastian's words seemed genuine, and even though it was because of cowardice, Trent couldn't find it in himself to hate him. He was mad at him, yes, he was also feeling frustrated and , but he knew he would get over it, eventually.

He realized in a little less than 2 months, he would be going off to college in New York, and Sebastian was going to be there too. They weren't going to the same university, as Sebastian was going to Columbia and Trent to NYU, which meant that they would make new friends and hang out with different people in no time.

The thought of them drifting apart once college started used to make him sad, but now he figured it was for the best. They could still find time every now and then to get together for coffee or something, to keep in touch. But things would definitely not be the same. Trent was looking forward to New York now more than ever, realizing the chances of meeting someone special in the big city were higher than here in hick town Ohio.

-

When Thursday came along, to say things between them were awkward would be the understatement of the year.

Sebastian was trying, and he could tell Trent was trying too, but it wasn't easy for either of them, specially the first few days. He could tell by the way Trent's smile was tight and uncomfortable now instead of wide and cheery every time they saw each other at school. Also because every time Trent used to turn around and look at him during class, making eye contact would make Trent blush, but now Trent wouldn't even look at him at all.

 _This is for the best. This really is for the best._ Was what Sebastian kept repeating to himself, almost like a mantra. But as the days passed by he realized things weren't going the way he intended them to be at all.

They still talked and tried to act normal, but Sebastian could tell Trent's heart wasn't in it anymore. Trent was guarded and careful around him, and Sebastian wished he could just turn back time; but knew it was impossible.

That weekend, Sebastian was determined to shake himself out of this funk and move on. He went for a run, and then drove to the country club to use the gym and swim in the massive pool. He spent the afternoon by himself lying by the pool, reading a book and trying to take his mind off things. When he was almost ready to leave, he got a text message.

**_From Dylan B:  
Party at my place, 8pm. And don't chicken out Smythe._ **

Sebastian figured the team would want to party because of their victory that week. They didn't have the chance to celebrate properly because the game was in a school night, in the middle of final exams week. But now they were probably going to throw a massive party, because Dylan always threw the best parties.

The thing is that Dylan also happened to have an older brother who was gay, whom Sebastian  _just happened_ to hook up with earlier that year during Dylan's birthday party.

Sebastian debated whether he should go or not, and after a few minutes of doing nothing, he logged onto Facebook on his phone and the first thing he saw were new photos Nick uploaded from Jeff's sister's birthday party the night before. There were several photos of the party and the guys, and he quickly spotted Trent among them. He looked happy and cheery, and Sebastian smiled, glad to see that he was having a good time.

So he guessed he should probably try and do the same.

 _ **To Dylan B:  
See you there**_.

Not even halfway through the party, Sebastian already wanted to leave. It had all started decent enough. With loud music and enough beer and whisky to get all the team drunk out of their minds. Dylan's parents were out of town and Steve, Dylan's older brother, was a lousy chaperone. He wasn't even in the house when the party started.

As the party progressed and everyone got increasingly drunk, the group started separating and guys were either making out with their girlfriends or bitching and whining about not having girlfriends in the first place. It was entertaining for a while, but all Sebastian could do was laugh and drink.

He had texted Trent earlier when the party had just started and he was bored; Sebastian randomly asked him what he was doing, but Trent hadn't texted him back, which was motivation enough for Sebastian to want to drink himself stupid. He'd lost count of how many beers he already had, and now they were doing shots, and he was already feeling lightheaded and dizzy, the familiar buzz of alcohol helping him get his mind off things.

Suddenly Steve appeared through the doors with two bags full of booze, everyone cheered at the sight as he walked in. Just as expected, the second Steve laid eyes on Sebastian; he went over to where he was and started hitting on him.

Sebastian was already drunk, but not drunk enough to want to hook up with him. He was tall, maybe one or two inches taller than Sebastian, blue eyes, broad shoulders and a thin layer of scruff covering his jaw from how his beard was starting to grow. The guy was attractive enough, and any other time, Sebastian wouldn't have even thought twice about it, but right now it didn't feel right at all.

They were sitting on the kitchen talking and suddenly Sebastian felt his phone buzz. When he took it out of his pocket he couldn't help but smile as he realized Trent had finally replied to the text he sent him almost 2 hours ago.

__**From Trent Nixon:  
Sorry! Was watching a movie with my sister downstairs.  
We just got The Avengers in Blu Ray :)**

Sebastian smiled bitterly, imagining Trent having a quiet night of fun in his house and thinking about how he should have done the same, because he really didn't want to be at this stupid party anymore.

"So, what do you say Smythe?" Steve whispered, suddenly eerily close to his ear.

Sebastian flinched away, "What?"

"Upstairs, you and me, now."

"Um, no… I was actually about to leave, maybe next time." He said sloppily and more out of courtesy than anything. He had no intention of there ever being a "next time".

Sebastian tried to get up from the stool and stumbled a little, feeling lightheaded by the sudden movement. He realized he was too drunk to drive, but he really needed to get out of there.

He walked through the door and out to the lawn but right when he was about to reach his car he felt a pair of strong arms gripping his waist from behind, then the rough feel of Steve's scruff was against his neck as he turned him around, kissing his neck and jaw hungrily. Sebastian lost his balance and they fell against the side of his car.

Sebastian yelped in pain, his ribs still sore from the injury he got at the game on Wednesday. He wanted to protest but the guy already had his tongue practically down his throat. He tried to push his face away but the guy wouldn't take a hint.

"Playing hard to get Smythe? Come on." He groaned as he practically bit the side of Sebastian's neck and pulled his hands down to grip his ass tightly, almost lifting him up from the ground.

 _Sebastian didn't want this_ , in fact he felt like he was going to be sick, in the literal sense. He grabbed Steve by the shoulders and shoved him away as hard as he could just in time before falling on his knees and throwing up all over the sidewalk.

Luckily, that was enough turn off for the older guy, who just cursed something about his shoes and calling him a cab, and then went back inside the house, leaving him there, sitting in the sidewalk.

Sebastian felt his head spinning and his mouth dry and bitter, he didn't even want to get up from the floor, so he waited for the taxi sitting in the sidewalk just beside his car. He took out his phone to check the time and that's when he noticed he had another text from Trent.

_**From Trent Nixon:  
How about you?** _

He wanted to cry right then, realizing he would rather be with Trent watching movies and cuddling on the couch than in this miserable sidewalk, drunk out of his mind. So he composed a simple reply, not wanting Trent to know where he really was.

_**To Trent Nixon:  
I'm good. Just bored. Good night, T.** _

Soon enough his taxi came, and he was able to go home, feeling more sorry for himself than he had in a long, long time. Once he got to his house he crashed in the living room couch, as he wasn't quite able to walk properly and the stairs seemed like too big a challenge for him in his drunken state.

Sebastian stayed in the couch for a while, trying to get his head to stop spinning. He laughed bitterly at himself as he thought about Trent's texts. There he was, staying home on a Saturday night, innocently watching movies with his sister while Sebastian was at a party, getting wasted and manhandled.

It would be funny if it didn't make him so utterly disgusted with himself. Trent definitely deserved better than him. Right before passing out, he realized he'd made the right choice by ending things.

However, just because he knew in his mind that it was the right choice that didn't make it any easier for him to move along. During the next day he found himself thinking about Trent an awful lot, probably because it was the weekend and he knew they wouldn't see each other.

Also, because he realized Trent didn't text him back last night when he'd said goodnight. He didn't want to admit it, but that bothered him. Trent always used to reply to his texts, especially if he said goodnight.

He stared out his window, wondering what Trent was doing at the moment, if he'd gone out somewhere or if he stayed home. He wished he could know how Trent was doing, but he knew he was in no position to ask. He knew calling or texting Trent wouldn't do him any good. Distance is what they needed at the moment, and he needed to give it to him no matter how much it killed him inside.

And that was the thing,  _it was_  killing him inside, by the time the last week of school was almost over, Sebastian was practically moping, even if he made damn sure not to show it. He was hurting. He never expected to feel like this, and hated the fact that he couldn't help it. He was supposed to be happy and go on with his life, yet he didn't seem to be able to do it at all. Something was missing;  _someone was missing._

Sebastian knew he needed to do something about it; he just wasn't sure exactly what.

-

Trent was in a constant roller coaster of emotions that week. But he made his best effort to not let it show. He just couldn't help but feel really uncomfortable whenever he saw Sebastian. It was a mixture of hurt and longing and the still present burn of rejection that just wouldn't leave him no matter how hard he tried to brush it off for the sake of their friendship.

Plus, every time they talked or looked at each other, Trent could not really tell what Sebastian was thinking. He couldn't tell if it was guilt, or worry, or just disdain, but he didn't really want to know. He didn't want Sebastian to feel sorry for him. He sure had enough of that from himself.

So he'd managed to put up quite a decent act - in his opinion - taking a safe distance emotionally without being flat out cold towards Sebastian.

On Tuesday Sebastian had suggested they go to his house to finish their final biology project, but he insisted they do it in the school library instead. Trent tried not to feel guilty when Sebastian looked visibly sad about his refusal to go to his house after they used to go there all the time, but Trent just couldn't bring himself to do it. It was physically painful for him to be close to Sebastian and try to be normal when he knew he couldn't have him.

Still, Sebastian didn't directly question his reasons for refusing to go to his house, and for that Trent was grateful. Trent tried to play it cool and smile and all, precisely to avoid that, and it got him successfully through the week.

When Friday came along, Trent was struggling with himself, debating whether he should go to the game or not. He had bumped into Sebastian between classes earlier that day and the taller boy had inevitably asked if he was going, to which Trent said he wasn't sure. Sebastian hadn't insisted and Trent thought he probably didn't care that much whether he showed up to see the game or not, or at least that is what he figured from how Sebastian dropped the subject quickly after asking once he saw Trent was not giving him a straight answer.

Nick and Thad were a completely different story though. They were going to see the game and insisted Trent came too. Jeff wasn't too excited about it either, even though the ride to Dublin from Westerville was hardly 20 minutes long.

"Ugh, do we really have to go guys? We just got out of finals, I'm exhausted!" Jeff groaned as the four of them walked towards the parking lot.

"I'm super tired too, I just want to go home and sleep" Trent added, hoping that teaming up with Jeff would dissuade them from going to the game.

"You guys are such party poopers!" Thad said, rolling his eyes "It's the final! The  _biggest game_ , we have to go and support our team!"

Jeff slammed his head against Nick's shoulder, "Do we have to?" and Trent just smiled.

"Yes we do!" Nick intervened, "I'll make you guys a deal. Let's go to my house, order some pizza, watch a movie or just hang out and relax, then later we go to the game together, I'll drive!"

Thad was almost jumping from excitement at Nick's idea and Trent smiled painfully, knowing there was no way he was getting out of this. He didn't want to give away the real reason that he didn't want to go, especially because he wanted to avoid Nick noticing that things between him and Sebastian weren't good. The last thing he needed right now was for him to say:  _"I told you so."_

So they went to their houses to change and then met at Nick's for pizza and videogames to kill time and try to relax before the game started. When it was finally time to leave, they all left their cars at Nick's house and he drove them to the game.

It was mayhem. The crowd was a mix of blues; reds and greens with people wearing their team's colors and holding banners, trumpets and pompoms in celebration of the very important game. It was easy for Trent to let go of the little nerves on his stomach from the anticipation of seeing Sebastian on the field, since he figured he was just one more face in the crowd. Normally he enjoyed going to Sebastian's Lacrosse games, but this time unlike the others, he was actually hoping Sebastian didn't notice him, not because he didn't want him to know he was there, but because he wasn't sure what his reaction would be.

Sebastian could either be glad to see him and go find him to say hi, or just ignore him completely, which was too big a risk to take in Trent's current emotional condition.

Soon enough the game started and Nick elbowed him "There's Sebastian, look!"

Trent couldn't help but smile because there he was indeed, with his number 7 jersey and in the first line. They cheered along with the crowd whenever the Dalton team scored and booed whenever the other team did.

It was exciting to watch the game, it was very physically demanding and even violent, and Thad was most likely going to lose his voice over how loud he was screaming, especially when one of the defense from the Dublin team practically tackled Sebastian to the floor, and he stayed down for a while panting.

Before anything else could happen, one of his teammates was yanking Sebastian up from the ground and getting him back on his feet. Trent was relieved to see Sebastian running back to his position on the field, even if he still seemed to be in a bit of pain.

It was obvious the guy was being rougher than necessary in each of his encounters with Sebastian, and Trent was sure Thad and Nick were going to get a stroke from how angry they were, screaming obscenities at the field.

When the second half of the game started things started heating up real bad, and one of the guys from the Dublin Jerome team was penalized for beating one of the Dalton guys out of play. Sebastian almost threw himself over the guy and in a matter of seconds both teams were about to get into a fight but the referees quickly intervened to separate them. Sebastian was visibly livid, and Trent was frightened for a moment because he was sure he was going to kick the other guy in the face out of pure rage.

The coach gave Sebastian a time out and even though they were not close enough to be able to make up what he was saying to him, it was evident that the coach was pretty much threatening to murder him. A few minutes later Sebastian was back in the field, however the other guy was apparently not ready to let things go.

And then it happened. The tall and muscular guy from the Dublin Jerome team tackled Sebastian again, only this time instead of falling to the ground panting, Sebastian fell down like dead weight on the floor.

The team panicked and rushed towards him, the medics were quickly called into the field to get him out of there in a stretcher. Trent felt the blood drain out of his face and immediately got out of his seat in the bleachers to run down the stairs towards where the Dalton team was.

 _Oh god please be okay, please be okay Sebastian_. Was all Trent could think of as he approached the bench area. He couldn't go all the way to where they were, but he was close enough to be able to see what was happening.

The doctors removed Sebastian's helmet and so Trent could see he was conscious, which was a big relief. His face was contorted in pain and Trent couldn't help but be extremely worried he'd broken a rib or something worse. He wished he could be closer to know what was going on, but at the same time thought it would be best if he stayed where he was.

Soon enough he noticed Thad was beside him, and there went his hopes of going unnoticed, because Thad was yelling at the bench, asking if Sebastian was okay. The doctors helped Sebastian sit up and the first thing he did was make eye contact with Trent.

Trent felt his breath hitch and his stomach drop when Sebastian looked at him, even it was for just a brief second before he winced in pain and turned to look at the doctor who was probably asking him how he was feeling.

"Oh god he's alive!" Thad said and Trent wanted to smack him in the head. Thad could be so dramatic sometimes.

"Yeah…" was all he could say, not daring to look away from where Sebastian was already slowly standing up and walking around a bit, probably to get his air back before attempting to get back on the field.

Trent could see the coach was telling Sebastian to stay in the bench but he kept protesting, assuring him that he was just fine to play again.

"Oh Seb please don't be stubborn…" Trent said in a low voice, almost like he was just thinking out loud before he could stop himself, and Thad just looked at him.

Right then Sebastian turned around to see him again, as if he'd heard what he'd said, though Trent knew he couldn't have possibly heard him. Sebastian's expression was unreadable, but he managed to send a tight smile Trent's way before putting his helmet on and running back into the field.

The game was intense and the scores were tied up to the last few minutes of the last quarter. Dalton had a bit of an advantage since the guy who injured Sebastian had been kicked off the game, but it was still close to the end and they were tied. Thad and Nick were practically biting their fists with nerves and Trent couldn't help but be anxious as well, he really wanted Dalton to go to state championship, it would be amazing way to end the year.

Right at the last seconds of the game Sebastian scored and the crowd went wild celebrating Dalton's victory. It was crazy, exhilarating and emotional at the same time. Thad and Nick were almost crying from sheer happiness and Trent couldn't help but smile as he saw the team in the middle of the field hugging, cheering and celebrating. They picked Sebastian up in their shoulders and he could see the joy in his face like he'd never seen it before.

He was really happy for him and wished more than anything he could go find him and congratulate him personally, but he doubt he would have the chance because soon enough the field was full of people going in to congratulate both teams and it would be impossible to find him.

"Hey Trent do you want to get down there and find Sebastian?" Nick asked innocently, and Trent felt the heat burn all the way up from his neck up to his face.

"Um… oh, I don't know." He said hesitantly. "I mean, there's just too many people down there, it's pretty crazy."

Nick gave him a weird look but before he could say anything Thad spoke: "We should totally go!" He then started walking down the bleachers and Nick and Jeff followed. Trent couldn't help but groan because he had no choice but to tag along.

Thad made a beeline to where Sebastian was still celebrating and taking pictures with the rest of the team to congratulate him. Trent felt second hand embarrassment at the way the shorter boy completely idolized Sebastian, but at least he could be grateful it was Thad the one leading them into Sebastian instead of him, he didn't even want to be there, really.

"Congrats man, the game was awesome!" Thad said enthusiastically, patting Sebastian in the back before awkwardly putting his arm around him. Sebastian was happy to see them and they each had the chance to give their congratulations.

"Are you okay though? You took quite a beating there." Jeff asked.

"Yeah, I'll be fine, it still kind of hurts but you know… comes with the job I guess." Sebastian laughed, and Trent did too, quickly averting his eyes when they kept meeting Sebastian's as the five of them spoke.

"Um, so… We're going to Jason Martin's house to celebrate, if you guys want to come…" Sebastian added, quickly eyeing the four of them equally, though Trent could see him expecting some kind of reaction from him.

Thad and Nick thanked him for the invitation but before any of them could say anything the team was taking Sebastian away for more pictures and congratulations and so they decided it was best to go.

As they turned to leave, Trent didn't realize how Sebastian kept looking in his direction as they walked away from the field and into the parking lot. He decided it was best to just go home and get ready for a relaxing weekend. They had no more classes left, only their graduation ceremony on Tuesday and he wanted to go shopping for a new suit to wear for the big day.

Once he got home Trent went up the stairs straight to his room and just lay in the bed for a while. He just stayed there for a while, listening to music on his iPod and thinking about everything that happened that day. He couldn't help but feel a little nostalgic; wondering what Sebastian was doing at that moment. He tried not to think too much about how Sebastian was probably having a great time with his friends and not thinking of him the way Trent was.

Suddenly was startled as his phone started ringing; he quickly grabbed it and felt his chest tighten as Sebastian's name flashed across the screen. He took a deep breath before answering.

"Hello?"

_"Hi… Where are you?"_

"What? Uh, I'm home."

There was a pause.

"Why? Where are  _you?"_ Trent asked.

Another pause.

 _"In front of your house, actually."_ Sebastian finally said.

Trent felt his stomach twist nervously as he threw himself off the bed and quickly put on his shoes. He went to his window and looked down. What the hell was Sebastian doing outside his house? He thought he would be out, celebrating the team's victory. He'd seen Sebastian go with his friends before he left. But now Sebastian was suddenly outside his house, standing in the middle of the lawn.

He ran down the stairs and out the door as quietly as he could so his mom wouldn't notice. "Sebastian, what are you doing here?" Trent said, trying not to freak out a little as he silently closed the door behind him and walked towards the other boy.

Sebastian took a deep breath, put his hands over his hips and looked down. He was a complete mess; his face was still flushed from the exertion of the game. His hair was standing up in all directions from wearing his helmet and he was even still wearing his protective gear under the uniform. Trent also noticed one of his socks was bloody because he scraped his knee when he fell during the game.

He mentally kicked himself for finding Sebastian even more appealing in this disheveled state. If they were going to be friends, he needed to stop wanting to throw himself at him, but Sebastian's post-game, roughed up look only made it harder for him.

"I thought you were going to Jason's" Trent started.

"Yeah, me too." Sebastian added, half joking and smiling nervously.

Trent had no idea what was going on, and he really needed to. "What happened?" he asked.

"Yeah, well… I really didn't feel like going anymore."

This was awkward, and Trent could feel the tension between them, Sebastian was evidently nervous too.

"Why not?" Trent asked, but Sebastian just stared at him and sighed heavily. His expression was unreadable behind the obvious discomfort of being in the spot. Trent put his hands inside his pockets nervously; he just didn't know what to do under Sebastian's scrutiny.

"I don't know… Because you weren't there?" Sebastian said bluntly and Trent just gaped.

"Look Trent, I… I don't know how to say this, but…" He paused, sighed and then just said it: "I miss you, okay? I just miss you." Sebastian said breathlessly, trying to even out his breathing.

Trent frowned, feeling confused and overwhelmed all of the sudden, he wasn't able to hide it at all and Sebastian must have sensed it, as he started fidgeting uncomfortably in front of Trent.  _Sebastian missed him?_ But what did that even mean? He didn't want to say anything until Sebastian cleared up what he meant.

"I know that you're mad at me..." Sebastian continued, and Trent quickly opened up his mouth to bluff and say he really wasn't but Sebastian interrupted him as he carried on.

"And I know it's my fault. I know what I said, and I thought that is what I wanted, but everything just feels  _wrong_ now… This thing between us, that's not what I wanted..." Sebastian paused, struggling with himself and what to say next. Trent just stared at him, confused and expectant, until Sebastian spoke again: "I feel like we're not even friends anymore... not like before."

Trent crossed his arms over his chest, bracing himself, not really sure what to say. Of course things had changed between them, it was inevitable. He just didn't understand where Sebastian was going with this and suddenly he was dreading it. Suddenly Sebastian took a step closer and put his arms over Trent's forearms where they were folded over his chest.

Trent didn't say anything; he just bit his lower lip to prevent his lips from trembling as a thousand different emotions went through him. But he looked Sebastian straight in the eye and said: "I know but, It's not that simple, Sebastian. I can't just…" Trent paused before he said something he would regret. "It's just... It's not easy."

"No, I know, I know." Sebastian reassured him, diverting his eyes for a while to settle down to where he had his hands over Trent's forearms. Sebastian's grip on Trent's arms loosened a little, like he was no longer sure he should be even touching him.

"Do you hate me?" Sebastian asked him, and there was vulnerability behind his words.

"I don't hate you." Trent said. "I still want us to be friends but it's... hard. I just feel like everything is such a mess and-"

"I know. I made this mess and I am sorry…" Sebastian interrupted him, taking his arms and unfolding them so he could hold Trent's hands instead. Trent felt his heartbeat rapidly increasing as Sebastian stepped even closer to him and looked him in the eye as he continued to speak.

"I always push people away, and I did the same thing to you, because I was scared. And well, I still am,  _a little_ , but..." He stopped and took a deep breathe, squeezing Trent's hands with his own. For a few seconds Sebastian didn't say anything, he just looked at Trent with wide, pleading eyes. Trent could tell Sebastian was really nervous and it made him feel a little more nervous himself.

" I don't know what to do, or how to say this, but I..." Sebastian continued, "I can't stay away from you Trent.  _I just can't."_

Trent felt a million butterflies explode inside him as Sebastian's words sunk in. He was speechless.

"I want to make things right between us…" Sebastian said, "If you let me."

They just stared deep into each others eyes for a while, Trent was not sure where this conversation was going.

"What do you mea-"

"I want to be your… boyfriend, Trent." Sebastian cut in, quickly, voice trembling a little,  _"I want you to be my boyfriend."_

Trent's eyes were blown wide and he saw Sebastian squint his eyes, waiting for an answer. He'd been so nervous that he had to pause for a little while and wonder if Sebastian actually said that or if he was just hallucinating.

"Your boyfriend?" Trent asked, almost incredulous.

"Yes?" Sebastian looked like he was ready to pass out.

Trent was still in shock, so he let out a small nervous laugh as he looked down to their hands. He slowly removed his hands from Sebastian's and the taller boy's breath hitched.

"I understand if you don't want to but I-"

Before Sebastian could even finish what he was about to say, Trent grabbed him by the neck, pulling him down to him and into a claiming kiss. He could feel Sebastian's tension melting away as he put his hands around him and held him tight.

The kiss was a bit rushed and even desperate, full of unspoken words. Trent felt like his head was spinning and couldn't help but smile into the kiss. "Hmm… you're such an idiot" he said, pulling Sebastian even closer to him by bracing his arms around his neck.

"I know…" Sebastian said, between kisses. "Sorry."

Trent chuckled, feeling like he was floating as they kissed again, this time slow, but still strong and passionate. It was like all the things they wanted to say translated into the touch of their lips together and their arms around each other. No words were necessary right then, it was like every touch and every kiss told how much they've missed each other. Trent felt like he was going to explode, feeling so many things at once was overwhelming. But he'd never been happier.

After a few minutes of just kissing and holding each other, Sebastian broke the kiss and cradled Trent's face with his hands. His eyes were shining and he bit his own lip before saying: "Trent, I have no idea of what I'm doing."

Trent just smiled and said "Good. Me neither."

They leaned into each other and kissed again. Trent didn't care they were right outside his door, that his mom could be spying on them or that his dad could come back home any minute and see them. In that moment, it was just the two of them, and the pure bliss and sudden realization that they were finally being true to their feelings.

Sebastian wanted Trent. Trent wanted Sebastian, and that was all that mattered. There were still many things to figure out, but it didn't matter. Everything else would sort itself out eventually, he knew they would figure it out, together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: *wipes off tears* I hope you guys liked this, I wanted it to be perfect... it took me forever to have the courage to post it!
> 
> There's good news though. I have an epilogue in the works, hopefully I can post it before the year ends. So stay tuned!


	15. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everybody!
> 
> So I am freaking out as I post this, and not only because it is the final installment of my very first fic, and it’s bittersweet to see it end. But also because I got a comment here from Dom, (yes Dom as in Dominic Barnes askdfjlak), and well… yeah, you just can’t even imagine the sobbing mess I became. I don’t know if you’re reading this Dom but, I love you and I am just so nervous to post this knowing you might read it. So, if you do, you can um… skip the part that goes after the asterisk line maybe? Or read it if you want but… oh god. Okay.
> 
> *posts chapter and runs away to hide in a corner until the end of time.*

Many interesting things have happened to Trent throughout his life, some good, some weird, some strangely unexpected, and some definitely unforgettable. Dating Sebastian Smythe was one of those things: good, of course, but also incredibly unexpected and most definitely unforgettable.

  
Trent always hoped to meet someone and have a relationship --or at least some kind of palpable experience-- before graduating high school, but he never imagined things would be like this.  
  
Being in a relationship with Sebastian was, interesting, to say the least. For all his fears of screwing up and not knowing how to be in a relationship, Sebastian actually turned out to be quite the attentive boyfriend. And for all of Trent's insecurities of not being up to par with Sebastian in terms of experience, he did quite alright.  
  
What Trent lacked in experience, he compensated with enthusiasm. It surely wasn’t hard to get used to kissing Sebastian. It was quite addictive actually, and with Sebastian’s parents being away so often, they had a lot of opportunities to be by themselves.  
  
Not that they were doing any serious stuff though, not all the way, at least. But just the thought that someone could walk in on them making out in Sebastian's bed was enough for Trent to freak out and refuse to do anything. Sebastian, on the other hand, loved sneaking around.  
  
He often went over to Trent's house and they would spend hours in his bedroom, watching TV and relaxing, and even though Trent would forbid Sebastian from trying anything --especially if his dad was home-- Sebastian would always find a way to convince him. Whether he started whispering sweet nothings in his ear, or threatening to tickle him to death, they'd always end up making out until they were both breathless.  
  
Sebastian was patient and understanding, though. Agreeing to take things slow, even if he grew obsessed with kissing the right side of Trent’s neck, just below his ear.   
  
Trent's mom suspected something was up, and soon enough Trent had to tell her. He didn't want to hide things from her, especially when she'd been so supportive, but he was afraid that she'd want him to also tell his dad, and he just wasn't ready for that yet.  
  
Turns out, she didn't. She agreed to let Trent come out to his dad in his own terms and in his own time. Trent realized right then that he had the best mom in the entire world. He knew he'd have to come out to his dad eventually, especially since he really didn't want to keep his relationship with Sebastian a secret for long. Still, they preferred to meet at Sebastian's house most of the times.  
  
When it came to their friends though, at first Trent wasn't sure about how to handle things. But he didn't have to worry for long. Once graduation day came, Sebastian made no effort to hide the fact that they were together. Soon enough, the rest of the Warblers found out, and it was funny to look at the different reactions they all had to the news. Nick seemed happy, giving Trent a knowing smile, probably relieved and impressed at the fact that Sebastian was openly admitting to being with Trent after all. Jeff was happy too, and Thad was shell shocked, saying he never saw it coming.   
  
Most people were pleasantly surprised, and to be honest, so was Sebastian. Trent didn't know, but Sebastian was actually terrified of making things official and public, but he was also certain that he needed to do it in order to get over his own insecurities and fears. Sebastian just didn't want anything to come in between him and Trent now that they were finally together. It meant too much to him, he was determined to make things work.  
  
Even though they had gotten together just a few days prior, Sebastian also introduced Trent as his boyfriend to his buddies from the lacrosse team at a party they threw in celebration of the graduates and their championship victory a few days after graduation.  
  
The teasing was endless, though it was mostly directed at Sebastian, for the fact that he had finally found someone to settle down with.  
  
3 weeks later, Sebastian told his parents about them, and Trent just wished he had given him some kind of warning before doing it right in the middle of dinner. He was blushing furiously and trembling internally from nerves and embarrassment while Sebastian was all smiles and confident words. He wanted to kick him under the table for doing things that way, but Sebastian retaliated by starting to play footsie instead, and soon Trent couldn't do anything but smile bash fully as Sebastian's parents were sitting across from them on the table smiling politely.  
  
They spent entire afternoons together, talking about everything just like they always did, the only difference was that now their relaxing afternoons also included heated make out sessions and lazy cuddles.  
  
They tried to make the most out of their time before leaving to college, learning a lot of things about each other, like the fact that Sebastian loves it when Trent strokes his hair while they cuddle, and how it lulls him into sleep every single time; they also found out Trent’s skin bruised easily, which meant that Sebastian had to be careful no matter how obsessed he became with kissing and nibbling the sensitive skin of his neck, specially that spot right below his left ear.  
  
Sporting a hickey was no easy task in the middle of July when Trent had no real reason to wear a scarf. He barely owned a couple of them, and they were woolen and heavy. So Sebastian promised next time he’d be careful, or mark him below the neck, if he couldn't help it. The way Trent blushed furiously when he teased him about things like that never ceased to amuse Sebastian. Every time Trent got mad at him, Sebastian didn’t hesitate to kiss his annoyance away.  
  
They easily got the hang of how their bodies fit together while resting in the couch, Sebastian loved to rest his head on Trent’s chest when they watched TV, putting his arms around Trent’s waist and occasionally sneaking a hand under the hem of his shirt. Also figuring how they fit together best while kissing, whether they were standing up, sitting down, or lying in the bed, and how Trent preferred to be the little spoon when they cuddled.  
  
It had only been a couple of months, but Trent still felt like he was over the moon every single day. Now, as he sat in the plane, waiting for it to land in New York, he couldn't help but smile at the small tingle of butterflies he felt at the anticipation of seeing Sebastian again after one week of being apart.  
  
Sebastian had left 1 week before him, since admissions at Columbia were earlier than NYU. And Sebastian's mother insisted they leave 1 week prior so she could go with him and help him settle in his new apartment. She had been there with him for 4 days before going back to Ohio, helping Sebastian pick furniture and decor for the apartment, and also helping him unpack.  
  
Trent was excited to see what the apartment looked like, especially since Sebastian refused to send him any pictures, insisting he wanted to make it a surprise.  
  
Once the plane finally landed, Trent sent Sebastian a short text.  
  
 _ **To Sebastian Smythe:**_ ** _  
 _Just landed :)_  
_**  
The response was instant.  
  
 _ **From Sebastian Smythe:**_ _  
 _Hurry hurry!__  
  
Trent's face split into a giant grin. To everyone around him he must have looked like an idiot, but he was really happy to see Sebastian again.  
  
Once he went out the gates, he realized just how big the JFK airport was, it was crowded with lots of people waiting to receive their loved ones. He walked around looking for Sebastian's face but not finding him, until a really big white sign caught his attention. It definitely stood out from the rest with random people's names and hotel logos because it read 'BOYFRIEND' in big, handwritten red letters and was clearly being held by a guy. Just a few steps forward and Trent could recognize Sebastian's green and white striped shirt. Before Trent could walk up to him, Sebastian's head peeped up from behind the sign and Trent couldn't help the blush that crept up his neck and covered his face, along with a big smile.  
  
Soon enough Sebastian was smiling widely and putting down the sign as he took a step forward, hugging Trent and giving him a big kiss. Trent was blushing furiously and a little concerned about the sudden public display of affection but when he looked around him he realized no one seemed to mind.  
  
"Welcome to New York City, boyfriend." Sebastian said.  
  
"You're crazy!"  Trent said, between giggles and kisses, "I missed you."  
  
"God, I missed you too." Sebastian said, holding him tightly by curling his arms around his waist.  
  
He just couldn't help but let out a tiny squeak when Sebastian gave him a bone-crushing hug and lifted him from the ground in the process.  
  
They were in New York together, this was the beginning of a new chapter in their lives and in their relationship, and Trent was giddy with excitement.  
  
He didn't have to check-in to admissions at NYU until the next day, so right after leaving the airport, and making a quick stop by the apartment to drop off Trent's luggage, Sebastian took him out for lunch and then they made a visit to Central Park. After spending the afternoon walking around sightseeing, it was finally time to go back.  
  
Once they were in the apartment again, Sebastian showed Trent around. It was a small but comfy and quite modern 2-bedroom apartment. The place was small but more than enough for a single student starting his life in the city. The living room had a big window panel that had a great sight, especially since it was high up the 10th floor. The main bedroom had a decent-sized closet but the bathroom was really spacious and amazing. There was a shower and a tub, and Trent wondered if he would have the chance to try it before starting classes at NYU, because unlike Sebastian, Trent did have to live on campus.  
  
Watching Sebastian fumble around the kitchen, setting up the coffee maker and opening the box of cookies to set them on a plate for him was quite adorable, and Trent couldn't help but smile fondly at the sight. Being with Sebastian there, just the two of them, it just felt incredibly domestic and intimate in a way that made him feel warm and happy inside.   
  
A few months ago, Trent would have never imagined this is what his life was going to look like. It was so much better and exciting than he ever pictured it to be.  
  
That afternoon, they had hot coffee, sweet butter cookies and soft kisses in the couch. They fell asleep in each other's arms, in a couch that wasn't really big enough for the both of them to fit comfortably, but still, everything was just perfect.  
  
When Trent opened his eyes, Sebastian was looking down at him, as he gently threaded his fingers through his hair.   
  
"Hey..."   
  
"Hey you." Sebastian replied, smiling fondly.  
  
"I fell asleep..." Trent yawned, "What time is it?"  
  
"It's almost 8... Are you hungry?"  
  
"No, are you?"  
  
"Not yet. I was thinking we could maybe order something later." Sebastian said lazily as he stretched in the couch. "Do you want to change into something more comfortable? You can take a bath if you want to, the tub is amazing."   
  
Trent thought about it for a moment, he definitely could use a hot bath. He still hadn't said anything when Sebastian started getting up from the couch.  
  
"I'll get the water running for you." He said with a wink and a smile as he walked towards the bedroom.  
  
"Thanks" Trent said, mostly to himself, as Sebastian was already gone.  
  
He could feel the butterflies in his stomach start to flutter, as he got up and went over to the bedroom to get his stuff. The bathroom door was open, so he walked in and saw Sebastian putting the bubbles on the hot water, as the tub was almost completely full.   
  
When Sebastian saw him he smiled and stood up, walking up to him and smearing bubble soap on Trent's nose.  
  
"You're all set..." Sebastian said, as he leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll be right outside if you need anything."  
  
"Okay..." Was all Trent could say breathlessly, his eyes following Sebastian as he walked out the bathroom, closing the door behind him.  
  
He wanted to stop Sebastian and tell him to stay. He wanted to undress him and jump into the tub together. To kiss him senseless and finally know what it's like to feel Sebastian's skin against his own.  
  
But all he could do was feel his knees tremble and his stomach doing backflips, so he didn't. Instead he quickly took his clothes off and folded them neatly before testing the water with his foot.  
  
It was hot but just the right temperature to be relaxing and not burning. He got into the tub and marveled at the feeling of the warm water and the wonderful smell and texture of the bubbles around him.  
  
He rested his head on the small towel Sebastian let for him in the edge of the tub and closed his eyes. He slowly felt himself relax and let his mind wander away as the heat soaked into his body. The hot water and the silence around him taking away all his nerves and hesitations, and a couple of minutes later he opened his eyes with a new resolve.   
  
"S-Seb?" He called out, but there was no response.  
  
"Sebastian?"  
  
Silence.  
  
He waited for a moment, but still got nothing, and so he figured Sebastian was either in the living room and couldn't hear him, or had gone out. Trent sat straight and dried his hands on the towel he’d left on the floor beside the tub before reaching for his phone and dialing Sebastian's number with slightly shaky hands.  
  
Not even half a ring later, Sebastian picked up.  
  
 _"Trent?"_  
  
"H-hi..." Trent could hear the TV in the background, which meant Sebastian was still in the apartment.   
  
 _"Everything okay?"_  
  
"Yeah, it's just..." Trent stopped and hesitated for a moment, trying to come up with a way to translate what he wanted without blurting out 'I want you to come here and get naked with me'.  
 _  
 _"Do you need anything?"__  
  
"Um..." He started, "Yes, actually,"

He took a deep breath.

 "I was just wondering... if you wanted to  _join me_..."  
  
There was a pause, and Trent could hear shuffling in the background.  
  
 _"Y-yeah... I'd love that."_  Sebastian said, a smile evident through his voice.  _"I'll be there in a minute."_  
  
"Okay."  
  
Trent hung up and took a deep breath, giggling nervously as he felt heat spread through his face, down his neck and onto his chest. He put his phone away from the tub in the small counter beside it, and the butterflies suddenly came back full force, but he knew they were good nerves this time; it was a thrilling energy flowing through him, with the anticipation of what was about to happen.  
  
He could hear the sounds from Sebastian moving around in the bedroom, and a couple of minutes later he was slowly coming through the door, wearing nothing but a white towel wrapped around his waist. Trent had seen Sebastian shirtless many times before, but never under these circumstances, and that definitely added a thrill of arousal stronger than anything he'd never felt before.

"Hey..." Sebastian said, smiling.

"Hi." Trent replied, hoping he didn't look as flustered as he was feeling inside.

*******************

 Sebastian walked towards the sink and turned on the lights from the top mirror, there were 4 small, yellow bulbs, and then he went back to turn off the main light. As a result, the atmosphere instantly changed, and suddenly the room felt cozier, it looked warmer and even romantic. Trent couldn't help but smile, biting his lip cheekily as Sebastian turned and walked over to the tub.

Sebastian had his hands gripping the towel right where it lay temptingly low over his waist, and once Trent was done staring at the small trail of hair that went from Sebastian's belly and down under the towel, he glanced up and met his eyes. Sebastian had a warm smile on his face and a fond look that just instantly took away all lingering nerves Trent could possibly have. 

Trent didn't think Sebastian could be nervous, but there was something in his eyes and the way he was looking at him with his head slightly titled to the side and biting on his lower lip that let Trent know that in a way, maybe he was a little nervous too.

Trent bent his legs slightly to make room for Sebastian to get into the tub with him and softly said: "C'mere."

Sebastian smiled as he took off the towel, dropping it to the floor in a slow movement, never taking his eyes off Trent while he did. Trent was trying his best to keep his eyes focused on Sebastian's own but he couldn't help but glance down and just admire the sight before him. Sebastian was  _gorgeous_ , and completely naked. He got into the tub and knelt down in front of Trent, the bubbly soap water reaching over his waist and covering him halfway through his chest. The smile on his face that seconds ago was warm and fond now had turned mischievous and Trent couldn't help but giggle when Sebastian put his hands over his bent knees and leaned over to kiss him.

 The kiss was soft and smooth, and when their lips parted Sebastian looked deep into his eyes and smiled. His eyes were dark and piercing and Trent had never felt so drawn to him like he was in that moment. Just the fact that they were both naked and so close to each other had his head spinning and his thoughts turned into a hazy mess, even if they hadn't done anything more than share a small kiss.

 "You're beautiful..." Sebastian said, causing Trent to break into a wide smile, and before he could think of anything to say back to him, Sebastian was leaning in to capture his lips again.

Sebastian moved up and kissed him, this time sliding his hands around Trent's neck and pressing their chests together as much as the space between them allowed. The tub was not as big as a Jacuzzi, but still a decent size. Slowly, Trent laid back even further into a slightly more horizontal position, the water almost reaching his neck. Their lips never parted as they moved in the tub, and the feeling of Sebastian's mouth, hands and body against his own made Trent feel like he was on fire. This kiss started slow but steadily built into something stronger and more powerful than any other kiss they'd ever shared before, the tension between them was almost electric and all Trent could think about was how he wanted more -- _needed_  more.

Trent slid his hands up and down Sebastian's back, holding on to him as Sebastian trailed his mouth along his jaw and down to kiss on his neck. Sebastian trailed his hands lower, grasping Trent's hips strongly as he continued sucking and nibbling on the sensitive skin of his neck.

Trent couldn't help the moans that were escaping his mouth, and any other time he would be trying to hold them in and feeling flustered but right now he didn't care, not when Sebastian was letting out soft noises of his own. He dared his hands to go further down, cupping the cheeks of Sebastian's ass and pulling him down against him. The feeling of their hips pressed together, along with the sound of Sebastian groaning right into his ear was enough to make his head spin.

They continued kissing and touching, moving passionately against each other, first slow and tempting, then faster and desperate. The warmth of the water embracing them as they truly tasted and touched each other for the first time. There was nothing to stop them from getting carried away, no one to worry about interrupting them; it was like everything else disappeared and Trent and Sebastian were the only two people in their own little world.

When Sebastian reached down between them to take Trent's erection in his hand, he was too far gone to even say anything. Sebastian was sucking on his neck frantically, almost biting down and Trent was sure he was going to leave not one but several bruises there but he couldn't even care. He reached down and took Sebastian's cock in his hand, mimicking Sebastian's movements, stroking and pressing and kissing him wildly. They were both reduced to a shaking, panting and whimpering mess until they came.

 Trent didn't know how long it took for them to come down from their high, as Sebastian lay breathless and panting on top of him and the bathroom floor was completely flooded. They couldn't help but laugh at the way they made an absolute mess of it all, and so they slowly stood up on shaky legs, turned on the shower and washed away the lingering soap from their skin as the water of the tub flushed beneath them.

They exchanged a few more kisses under the warm spray of the shower before finally getting out. Sebastian grabbed 2 new towels from the top counter in the bathroom  --as the ones they had were completely soaked-- so they could dry each other and go back into the bedroom.

 The room was dark, except from the small light from the nightstand that lit the room in a soft way. Trent felt his breath hitch when he felt Sebastian put his arms around him from behind, kissing him softly on the cheek before reaching for that spot he loved so much, right behind his ear.

"Are you hungry yet?" Sebastian asked, nibbling on Trent's ear and sending shivers down his spine.

"Hmm... Not much, I don't think... Aah." Trent couldn't really focus on anything when Sebastian was biting his ear while his arms held him in a tight embrace, chest flushed against his back. Food really was the last thing on his mind when he'd just had a taste of what Sebastian had to offer back in the tub. It had been simply amazing, even with the space limitations and the fact that they had only used their hands...  _and mouths._ Trent's imagination ran wild just thinking about what they could do in the bed. Especially since they were standing right in front of it.

Trent's thoughts made themselves pretty evident when the only thing he was wearing was the thin towel around his waist, and if the bulge he could feel pressed to his behind was any indication, Sebastian must have been feeling the same way.

Trent turned himself around so he could face Sebastian, putting his hands on the back of his neck and kissing him steadily as they moved slowly towards the bed. Trent only had to take a few steps backwards, his lips never leaving Sebastian's own until his legs bumped against the edge of the bed.

He broke the kiss right then, cupping Sebastian's face for a second before kissing down his neck and collarbone. He could feel Sebastian's skin hot against his lips; his mouth finding every freckle he could find and kissing it, mouthing over them, quick and hungry. Sebastian was positively groaning, his hands threaded frantically through Trent's hair as he took one of his nipples between his lips, sucking it gently. Sebastian arched his back, the sensations overpowering him and Trent took that chance to push him down onto the bed.

Sebastian propped himself up with his elbows and scrambled backwards, Trent immediately following after him, kissing him eagerly all the while. Sebastian was aiming for the pillows when he lay himself down but ended up banging his head against the headboard with a loud 'thump'.

"Aah!" He yelped, pushing himself a bit downward and falling down on the pillows, laughing at himself.

"Oh my god!" Trent couldn't help but giggle as well, touching Sebastian's head. "Are you okay?"

 "Ow..." Sebastian said, "I think I cracked my skull open..."

Trent was stroking Sebastian's head affectionately, biting his lower lip to try and suppress his laughter as Sebastian pouted. "It hurt!"

Neither of them could keep a straight face for long, laughing at the silliness of the situation.

 _"There, there..."_  Trent said, pressing his lips to the top of Sebastian's head as he continued to caress his head. "Better?"

 "Hmm... I think could use a few more kisses." Sebastian said with a smile, eyes heavy and looking up at Trent who was now resting on his side, but still on top of him.

Sebastian's towel had fallen off midway as he'd shifted over the bed, and was now tangled around one of his legs; Trent's own was halfway off as well, but still wrapped around his waist. Sebastian looked down and noticed this, then looked up at Trent with a raised eyebrow.

"How come I'm naked and you're not?"

Trent followed his eyes down and started giggling again. "Well, that can be easily fixed... There." He said, removing his towel and tossing it aside.

"That's  _much better_." Sebastian said, grinning mischievously as he put one hand behind Trent's neck, and the other one low on his waist, pulling him down for another kiss.

The feeling of their bodies pressed to each other, with their mouths connected and their legs tangled together was just intoxicating, and Trent could feel himself getting steadily aroused the more they touched. 

Sebastian broke the kiss and looked up at him, "You are amazing. Did you know that?"

Trent couldn't help the warm feeling that grew inside his chest at the sound of his words. He smiled fondly before Sebastian captured his lips in a searing kiss again, leaving him unable to form any words --not that he could really say anything coherent anyway.

"What do you want to do?" Sebastian asked, eyes wide and expecting, his chest raising and falling with every deep breath he took. Trent was the same, his heart beating fast and strong and his thoughts blurred in a needy haze.

 _"Everything..."_  He managed to say, between kisses to Sebastian's lips and jawline, "I want to do everything, Seb."

He could feel Sebastian's erection getting harder just at the sound of his words. And all Trent could really think about was how he really just wanted  _everything_  from Sebastian,  _all of him_ , around him, inside him, he just couldn't get enough, and he didn't want to wait any longer.

Their kissing became stronger, desperate, and Sebastian spread his legs to allow him to lay between them as Trent kept on kissing down his neck.

"Oh god..." Sebastian panted once their groins pressed together.

Trent just sighed heavily, shivering all over as he kissed his way down Sebastian's chest. He knew what he wanted to do. But he'd never done it before, and he couldn't help but feel a bit intimidated and even nervous. He tried to shake his nerves off as he took Sebastian's nipple between his lips, teasing it and marveling at how it affected Sebastian. Making him arch his back and moan loudly. He then dared to go lower down his belly, and that's when he stopped.

He looked up at Sebastian who was staring down at him, green eyes wild and piercing as he propped himself up on his elbows.

"I'm gonna..." Trent started, hesitating, "I want to..." He couldn't quite say it, but it wasn't necessary. Not when Sebastian was looking at him with wide eyes and all he could do was nod encouragingly.

Trent positioned himself between Sebastian's legs and didn't even think about it. He just wanted to do it, to finally know what it felt like; and so he did. First only with his tongue, tentatively tasting and feeling, then venturing with his lips and mouth, taking the head of it inside first and then slowly taking it further into his mouth. He had more than enough reassurance that he was doing it right when he could feel Sebastian shaking and panting as he dropped his head on the pillows and fisted the covers tightly.

He quickly got lost in the sensation and the taste and he realized he never expected it to feel  _so good_ , even if he was the one doing it. He could have continued doing it for hours maybe, just reveling in the feeling of Sebastian inside his mouth and the sounds of Sebastian's desperate moaning. But soon Sebastian was touching his face and asking him to stop, or else he was going to come.

Sebastian sat up and grabbed Trent's face, kissing him strongly and desperately. "My turn, my turn." He said breathing heavily between the kiss that was all teeth and tongue and frantic desperation. Trent lay on his back and closed his eyes as Sebastian went down on him, kissing his stomach and his inner thighs before taking him all the way into his mouth.

His eyes flew open right then, the overwhelming heat and wet sensation of Sebastian's mouth around him just taking over, making him jerk his hips up instinctively, but Sebastian was holding him down as he continued his ministrations up and down Trent’s length. 

It was amazing and mind blowing, and he could feel Sebastian humming around him as he sucked and pulled and licked and Trent felt how his heart was picking up speed, the sensations so intense he felt like he was going to explode.

“Oh my god…” Trent was just babbling nonsense as Sebastian kept on without a word. Every time he opened his eyes and looked down at Sebastian he felt sparks running through his bloodstream in big waves that clouded his mind so much that he felt like he was in a dream. But he wasn't dreaming, no, and he was well aware of just how real this was. He had imagined how this would feel like many times before, but even his wildest dreams paled in comparison to what it actually felt like.

“Seb… Sebastian!” he whined… “Wait... please.”

Sebastian opened his eyes lazily and looked up at him, playing with his tongue on the head of his cock and Trent just felt like dying. “What is it, babe?” he said with a smirk, “You okay?”

Trent just rolled his eyes and fell back against the pillows, because of course he was  _more than okay but_ Sebastian was teasing him, he knew he was teetering over the edge, he could feel his orgasm building up and he just didn’t’ know what to do.

“Sebastian…” Trent said breathlessly, “I’m gonna come…”

 But Sebastian didn’t stop, if anything he went on faster and sucking even harder, gripping Trent’s hips, and sliding his hand over every bit of skin he could reach on his stomach, his thighs, his ass, _everywhere._ Sebastian didn’t seem worried in the least about Trent coming in his mouth, in fact he seemed like he was ready to come himself, as he was stroking himself rapidly with his other hand.

Sebastian groaned and Trent couldn’t help himself any longer. He came hard and hot, his body snapping forward and arching back, tensing and shivering and his brain feeling fuzzy and blurry; and Sebastian swallowed everything with ease. Trent couldn’t even dare to look down, but he could feel Sebastian sucking and licking and making humming noises that were just plain sinful. 

***************

Seconds later, Sebastian was dropping down beside him on the bed, breathless and panting, even more so than Trent.

“That was amazing…” Sebastian said.

“Yeah…” Was all Trent could blurt out, breathlessly.

They slowly turned so they were both resting on their sides, facing each other and Sebastian reached out, resting his hand on the side of Trent’s face, stroking his cheek with his thumb. They looked at each other for a moment, faces flushed, eyes heavy and hair an absolute mess.

Trent turned and kissed the palm of Sebastian’s hand, smiling and melting into the touch as he felt his heart swell with emotions. 

He closed his eyes and waited for his breath to even out, listening to Sebastian’s own until it was slow and shallow. Sebastian closed his eyes too and they stayed still for a while, Trent knew if he stayed like this we was going to doze off, so he decided to open his eyes and look at Sebastian. He looked so different like this, so calm and open and vulnerable, and Trent couldn't help but smile.

He could feel tears stinging at the back of his eyes right then, and he breathed in deeply, trying to keep them at bay. This was just so much better than anything he’d ever imagined, and he was so happy to be able to experience it with Sebastian, that it was just incredibly overwhelming.

Sebastian opened his eyes lazily and looked at him, his expression immediately turning with concern, “What’s wrong?” Sebastian asked, searching for Trent's eyes.

 “Nothing, I’m… I’m okay. Don’t worry.” Trent said, biting his lower lip, not able to say anything else, his head still fuzzy from all the sensations. 

"But you're crying..." Sebastian said, frowning.

"No, I’m fine, Seb. I promise. It's just..." Trent hesitated, not knowing how to explain the things he was feeling. But with the way Sebastian was looking at him, with pleading eyes, he knew he could just say it.

"It's just the first time I do anything like this, and it’s just... _a lot._ " He sighed, chuckling nervously, “It was amazing, but still a lot.”

Sebastian just gave him an understanding smile, scooting up closer to him until their noses were almost touching. He cradled Trent’s face in his hands and pressed their foreheads together, looking straight into his eyes.

“You probably think it’s silly…” Trent said but Sebastian silenced him with a kiss.

“Shh… it’s not.” He said, giving Trent another kiss, “You want to know something? This was a first time for me too.”

Sebastian sighed heavily and smiled, a little bit of nerves coming through, and Trent just looked at him, expectantly.

“W-what do you mean?”

“Well, this is the first time that sex… _means_ something to me, you know? And it’s because _you_ mean something to me.”

Trent knew that Sebastian cared about him, of course, but somehow just hearing him say it like this, up close and personal, made it a million times better. To know that what they just shared had in a way been a first time for Sebastian as well just made him feel over the moon.

And so they stayed in the bed, arms around each other, kissing softly and tenderly and completely losing track of time. They didn’t need to say anything else right then, just the fact that they were there for each other, was enough for now.

 After all, they had all the time in the world to be together and learn new things. To live this new and exciting time in their lives in this new city. It was a new beginning, and they had each other to share everything with. Soon, classes would start for them; they were going to have different schedules, in different careers and different universities, but they would still find the way to make it work. They’d always make time for each other, because that’s what mattered the most.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank each and every one of you for reading my story up until now. Everyone who added it to their alerts and favorites, and specially all of those who have commented and reviewed. Thank you for letting me know I wasn’t writing this only for myself :) as my friend Hazel says: We are a small ship but we are mighty!
> 
> I still have a few things I want to post from this verse (like Trent coming out to his dad and all), but I will post them as one shots. So if you’re interested you can subscribe to my author page, follow me on tumblr, or track the Trentbastian tag on tumblr.
> 
> Love and hugs to all!


End file.
